When Holes Swallow Girls
by CrackedLips
Summary: So there I was, on my merry way to Integrated Science, when I nearly fall face-first into a large gaping hole in the sidewalk. It wasn't even, like, a sewage manhole or anything - just a huge, black pit. Seriously, what the hell? OFFICIALLY ON HIATUS.
1. Prologue: The Manhole

**A/N:**This is my first Fanfic! WEE! please review and tell me what you think! I'll try to have the next Chapter up by next week.

**Disclaimer:**I do not own Naruto or any of the characters in it. Even though that's pretty irrelevant seeing as this prologue has absolutely nothing to do with the manga yet...

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Prologue - The Manhole

High school sucks. Infinitely and eternally. Not because I'm one of those kids that sits in the back of the room exploding into sinister giggles while writing a hit-list on her desk in black marker (because I'm really not cough), but simply because all of my peers are complete and utter imbeciles. I'm not being harsh either. Their all just plain unintelligent. I have a few choice friends that reach my level of awesome, of course, but that's it.

It's not that I'm ugly. I'm regular looking - long brown hair, green eyes (or hazel... or blue... whatever), about 5"6, not skinny but not fat either, my usual outfit consisting of nothing flashy (dress shirt, cargo pants, always classic I-look-like-someone-who's-dressed-by-their-mom colors, you know) - so that's not why i depend on my smarts. In reality, I just enjoy knowing things. It makes life so much easier when you know what the hell is going on, ne?

Anyway, back to current topic; highschool sucks. 9th grade specifically. It especially sucks when your second period is approximately half a mile (yeah, I measured) from your first, you have five minutes to get there, and you can't fucking DRIVE yet. So there i was, on my merry way to Integrated Science (or, you know, running like there's no tomorrow - whichever you prefer), the Florida sun beating unmercifully upon my poor, unfortunate paleness (that's not a word, is it?) when I nearly fall face-first into a large gaping hole in the sidewalk. It wasn't even, like, a sewage manhole or anything - just a huge, black pit.

Seriously, what the fuck?

I observed it cautiously - Science could wait, man-pits could not. There wasn't any street construction going on as far as I was aware...sigh safety hazards always did bother me. Who puts a freaking HOLE where people walk? I looked around for the person responsible, only to find that I was alone. Literally. Everyone in my general vicinity was gone. '_Maybe the Mothership finally decided to let me have the planet to myself,'_(Ha ha... kidding). It _was_creepy though. I don't think there were even any birds chirping anymore. Baffled, I kneeled down at the edge of the hole and tried to examine the black abyss. Maybe it had swallowed everyone? It wouldn't be a _terrible_ loss...

"Uh, Hello?" I called. No answer. Irritation flaring, I tried again.

"HELLOOOO?! ANY MORBID IMPENDING HORRORS DOWN THERE?!"

...

Nada. Zip.

_'This is ridiculous,'_I concluded. If someone wanted to kill me, wouldn't they have just, like, pushed me in by now? Honestly, serial killers really were losing their touch these days. I leaned a little farther, steadying myself cautiously on the rim, when all of a sudden, a _whoosh _of air swept under me where my feet should have been grounded.

Great. We have a _moving_ manhole now.

I probably looked pretty comical in that moment, flailing my arms desperately in hopes that the air particles around me would suddenly condense into some miraculous life-support. Looking back on it, had I been the serial killer in charge, I would have been laughing my ass out, but by now i was falling. Just falling and falling and falling into the black. I didn't yell or anything (too busy flailing) but I did manage out a grunt of panic after a while. Sweet Jesus, did this thing ever freaking END? I was probably going to get wind burn or something. It was getting warmer as I went downward and i fancied the possibility of me getting closer to the center of the planet as I fell. strokes chin skeptically Hmmm...

Five minutes had gone by now and I was beggining to wonder if this was some elaborate illusion like that scene from _Spy Kids_. Seriously, no hole is _that_deep. I was probably going to die. I did a little twisting maneuver with my arms so that I was facing upwards as I fell. If I was going to be splattered across some dank, pit-floor, I didn't want to see it coming. I took this moment to admire the fact that the hole was so far away now that it looked almost like a single star. The _Lone Star_... teehee. In case you haven't realized already, I have A.D.D. Anyway, the darkness really was beautiful. You never know what it hides or what it shows. It's dangerous and mysterious and... well, deep. Definitely the first thing i would prefer to see before I die.

Huh. Irony.

There was a little tingle in the back of my skull that I assumed to mean the ground was near. It disturbed me at first that I could have an entire _6th sense _dedicated to knowing when I'm about to be squashed by gravity- _NOT_a comforting thought. But the tingling quite suddenly started spreading. All through my arms, legs, face, toes, stomach - everywhere until I was literally writhing in hysterical giggles, causing my whipping hair to fly into my mouth.

Still falling, remember?

Then, just as soon as it had started, a piercing scream ripped itself from my throat halfway before I could even register the new pain:

First, it was like I was being stretched and compressed like silly putty.

Secondly came the the searing fire that lit my insides and plunged needles into my skin.

Third, of course, came the pounding pulse in my skull.

All I could do was scream and scream and scream bloody murder for it to stop. Then, just when I thought only hell could be worse, I was suddenly thrust into a world of blinding light and wavering color in sharp contrast with my previous dark residence. I screeched my throat raw and clawed viciously at my assaulted lids to block out that FUCKING LIGHT and writhed in mid-air. That's when, of course, the ground decided to show up-

_And with its impact came the beautiful darkness._


	2. Chapter 1: Of Hospitals and Sages

**A/N:** Just so you know, it will take a while for sasuke and team 7 to actually come into the story, but not forever. I promis to make up the time with numerous fluff scenes and teenage hormones! YAY! teehee... sorry im hyped up on sugar right now. Anyways, i promis you, my dear reader, that Kaya is not a Mary Sue. There is a perfectly logical explanation for everything happening in this chapter. Which you will find out later. Next chapter should be up next Friday or Saturday. Now read, my minions, REEEAD!!

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Naruto or any of the characters in it. Yosh.

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**Of Hospitals and Sages**

When I opened my eyes again, it was dark. And light. DarkLight... yeah. My brain was hazy and the most coherent thought I could manage was the fact that this place was very, _very _unfamiliar. First of all, there were too many stars. I vaguely remember there was only supposed to be one... and there was certainly way more than one here. They blanketed the sky - some in clusters, some red, some blue, some in funny positions I didn't recognize. I always did like stars. I rolled my head groggily to the side, only to be brutally attacked with sharp bullets of pain at the base of my neck. I opened my mouth in a silent scream while numbness returned to my body.

Okay, no more moving.

With my view of the stars partially obstructed, I peered through uncomprehending, heavy lids at my battered backpack that had miraculously survived the fall. Oh, right. There had been a fall, hadn't there? That explains the pain... My eyes rolled into the back of my head while I tried to recall what exactly got me here. A hole... tingling... it hurt to think. It took me a long time to open my eyes again, but I soon realized just how unfamiliar this place really was. There were... Trees.

Lots of them - everywhere. Seemingly even more than the stars. I'd never seen so much green in my life! But it looked strange and disproportioned... elevated. I blinked once, twice, and then inhaled sharply. I was lying in the middle of a huge crater. The stinging in my lungs increased exponentially with my labored breathing. I was having an anxiety attack. Why, you ask?

Unfamiliar forrest + large crater + lots of pain Very. Stressed. Kaya.

I don't remember much after that, only that after a few minutes of very painful hypervenalation, everything dissapeared again.

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The second time I woke up, there were voices. One was irritatingly high and squeaky, while the other was gently and low. It was light again, so I didn't risk melting my retnas for a glance at them - instead, I focused lightly on their conversation. At first, I could only make out distant mumbles and squeaky... well, squeaks - but as I concentrated, the voices got louder and clearer until it almost hurt my ears to listen. I could hear the words '_huge_' and '_hospital_' and '_ninja_' slip back and forth, but their voices got so loud that their steadied breathing was drowning out the noise. I wanted to scream at them to stop yelling right through my eardrums and to very politely go violate themselves, but my throat was still too abused to manage anything more than a coarse whisper. I scowled silently and squinted my eyes open to scan the crater for my little peace- disrupters.

I was cautious to only move my eyes while I looked for them, but as far as I could tell, no one was there. I'd figured I'd probably gone a little insane.

"...perhaps we should get a shinobi to lift her... crater that big... can't be good..."

"...obviously in pain!... take her to the hospital..."

OH _HELL_ NO.

Let me get one thing straight: I hate hospitals. With a fiery passion. Whoever decided to devote an entire facility to excruciatingly sick and bloody poeple was completely beyond me. I wasn't bloody was I? Damn, I never considered that. I couldn't see my 'rescuers' so I figured they were probably somewhere behind me. I swallowed the sticky substance in my mouth and managed to groan out something along the lines of '_hospitals are for squares_'.

The voices stopped immediately and an uncomfortable silence followed. For a moment, I feared that I'd scared them off or something (although how a broken girl with probably a million shattered bones could threaten anyone, I'll never know), but then Squeaky spoke again,

"... must be a ninja... can hear us from over here!"

That confused me - they were, afterall, practically yelling right at me... right? Well, I suppose that wasn't important at the moment... and did they just say '_ninja_'? What were they, like, five? Seriously, where the fuck _AM_ I? And shinobi... _shinobi_... I'd heard that word before on one of my sister's animes or something - she really was a freak about those. _'Oh great,'_ I thought, _'My saviors are a bunch of Naruto geeks. Why couldn't Mr. Serial Killer actually __kill__ me?'_ Wasn't that, you know, supposed to be his _job?_And worst of all, they thought _I_ was a ninja.

Oh. This would be fun.

I closed my eyes in a submissive '_I'm doomed_' manner and let myself drift off into unconsciousness again. Let Tweedle-nerd and Tweedle-dumb do whatever they want - Kaya needs her beauty rest... or, you know, however beautiful a rest one can get on a mutilated forrest floor in broad daylight...

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I woke up again to a white ceiling. I blinked my eyes a couple of times to assure that the burning sensation had dissipated, then let myself grin. Kaya: 1, Serial Killer:... 2... Well, it was a start. I twitched my fingers experimentally to find that most of the pain was gone too, but there was still a lingering ache that dwelled in my bones. I finally realized that I was on a rather squeaky cot. '_Oh no..._' I sat myself up and took a good look at the wires tangled across my body.

Yep. Hospital. (Geeky traitors.)

The room was clean, really. White gauze curtains covered a daylit window so that only streaks of light made their way into the room. White cabinets lined the walls and a white night-table with a single, lonely flower sat next to me. The flower was white too. Go figure. The door was closed and the room had a lazy, but brisk feel to it. It made me sleepy. Or maybe that was the droning rumble of the monitors crowded around my head. Ugh, I _loathe_ hospitals. I had to give them props though - it looked more like a mental institution/hotel than anything else (if you take away the IV and the eerie beeping machines). I took this moment to examine myself.

My clothes had been exchanged for one of those nasty looking paper- things and my backpack had been draped over an empty chair. They'd probably gone through it. Bastards. They had those weird circular hospital stickers all over me and a funny peice of red tape wrapped around my forearm. I lifted it up to discover strange, Japanese symbols on it...

Ha! A seal, I knew it!

It all made sense now! I'd fallen through some abandoned construction hole, gone through the center of the Earth, and popped out in Japan! Right? Okay, nevermind that was stupid... but it's something to build from. I gently tried to tug it, but it wouldn't budge. '_Ouch,_' I thought despairingly, '_This is gunna be a bitch to yank off..._' But it had to be done. I counted to three in my head before using all of my strength to rip the offending object away, but to no avail. '_Ugh, what's this thing made of? Superglue?_' The harder I pulled, the more resistance seemed futile... haha... The Borg. Ack, focus! I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Typically, the way I keep myself focused on something is by offering myself a reward- like chocolate or something. It's a good enough system. '_This time, I'll break out of this place if I can just get the damn seal off._'

Nodding in affirmation, I took one more stomach of air, and pulled.

And it tore.

...

And suddenly, I was alive.

It was unlike anything I had ever felt before! Suddenly, I could see more, hear more, and just _feel_ every particle of air swirling around me. My heart was pounding blood through me as thougha a huge plud had suddenly vanished from my veins and I felt like I could jump 20 feet into the air. Everything around me formed a blue tint and I couldn't help but break out into hysterical giggles. I just felt so _good_!

I ripped off the wired and hopped up onto my feet with rediculous ease and started jumping gleefully on the cot. Okay, so it was a totally four-year-old thing to do, but hey, I was practically high with energy. Soon I was back on my stomach, rolling around with laughter.If you had walked in just then, you would have thought I was high. Or insane. Actually, so did I. And so did the people who swung the door open five seconds later.

They were all dressed in white too (from what I could tell behind my tearing eyes) and staring at me with something akin to awe (cheh, what's new?). Some of them were old and decrepit looking, while most of them were young and alert.

Doctors. (Insert shiver here.)

My laughter grew uncontrollable despite my disgust for medical workers and I could vaguely feel hands holding me down.

"HOLD HER STILL!" one of them yelled while the hands tightened their hold on my limbs, "The chakra is moving through her brain too fast, we need to stabalize her vitals!"

_ 'What the hell is chakra?' _some conscious part of me thought as they attempted to pin down my left arm. A thin flash of light caught my eye and my laughter immediately died.

A shot. _Fuck_ no.

Suddenly my thoughts became dazed and my hands balled into tight fists. They think I'm going to let them prick me with needles while I'm still conscious? _Wrong_.

"_Ohh..._" I chuckled darkly and I humored to appreciate the shiver that ran throughout the room, "Over my-" I broke free of the hands- "DEAD-" I grabbed the syrenge- "BODY!" and threw it at the wall.

I blinked.

Well actually, it went _through_ the wall... I hadn't thrown it _that_ hard had I? The doctors froze, looking frightened - hell, I probably looked a little freaked myself - and turned their awe to the hole in the perfectly crafted white. No chunks, no spiderweb-cracks, nothing - just an impeccable circle where that damned needle had slid through like cheese. Somebody behind me whispered '_Amazing_,' and I was about to tell them off for interupting the silence, but somebody had cuffed me in the neck by then. I didn't even have time to finish my feminine bidding of "_what the fuck?_" when the darkness came again, but this time, I was simply too shocked to fight it.

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A white-haired sage of about his early forties strolled happily down the roads of Kumogakure, hands folded lazily behind his head, whistling a tune. The sun shone brightly upon his contented countenance, bringing out the bright red stripes lined on either side of his tan face. He was currently heading to the Cloud Village Hospital to give his thanks to a very helpful medic that had so kindly informed him the location of the nearest bathhouse for the 'research' on his latest novel. He planned to leave town the next day in order to take care of some business he had down in the Village Hidden in the Shadows.Then perhaps he would pay a visit to the Hidden Ston Village... they had some sake to contend with...

He casually strode into the lobby, blinking to adjust to the change in light. Everything in this hospital was so white it almost hurt to look at - he would want to get out of here as soon as possible as to not damage his retnas (which were, in fact, worth a lot, mind you). The reception desk was crowded with nurses in white coats, gossiping about something or other. He snuck up up behind them stealthily and slipped his arms around their waists.

"Helloooo ladies! Wouldn't be talking about me now, would you?"

A couple of them blushed while the receptioness rolled her eyes.

"No Jiraiya. Unfortunetly, it seems there are more interesting things in this hospital to talk about than you,"

The nurses giggled while Jiraiya frowned playfully.

"Aww, you girls are no fun. Would you be so kind as to tell me where Fugi-san is?"

Her face immediately lit with excitement.

"Oh, he's busy right now, Jiraiya! You won't believe what happened - some locals were heading to the rice patties and found a girl unconscious in this _huge_ crater! We had one of our Chunnins go pick her up but her chakra levels were through the roof! It was unlike anything we've ever had here before - we needed to put a seal on her just to drain it so it didn't kill her! Fugi-sama is up there right now running some tests-"

But she was suddenly cut off by a loud alarm. The nurses on either side of the old sage jumped out of their skin and immediately dashed out of the room. "_Shit,_" the young receptioness cursed as she began mumbling urgently into the phone. Jiraiya was suddenly the only still person in the room. He was about to walk out out and give the medics their space when a girl's laughter rolled through the halls an made everyone freeze in curiosity. It got louder and louder and with it came an enormous wave of pure, unadultrated chakra that nearly swept the sage off his feet. He peered up at the ceiling intently and decided that this was worth investigating.

A hord of doctors, led by dear Fugi-san himself, came charging through the lobby and rushed, panic-stricken, towards the emergency staircase. Jiraiya pushed through the crowd of bustling white coats and ninja-smoked to the third floor, waiting patiently at the door-frame for the doctors to lead him to the right room. Normally, a chakra trail this big would have made the mystery girl rediculously simple to find, but he wasn't entirely sure what he was up against - better to let the doctors get to her first.

Sure enough, Fugi came swinging through the threshold not 20 seconds later, followed closely by his faithful companions. The toad sage waited a moment before tailing after them.Each hallway they turned was a new (and more frightening) shade of white, and with each step he took, the laughter grew louder and chakra signature stronger. It truly _was_ like nothinghe had ever felt before - like tentacles reaching out and wrapping around whatever they could find, each one like rapid spit-fire. '_Unbelievable_' he thought as he rounded the last corner he had seen the distressed medics take. He arrived at the doorway just in time to see the object of awe throw a syrenge right through a wall. The girl's eyes went wide (as did everyone elses') and went so pale she almost looked ill. Jiraiya had seen much worse, of course, having had Tsunade and her monstrous strength beat him to a pulp many, _many_ times, but even Tsunade hadn't developed the technique until she was in her late teens. This girl looked like she was barely 13. _'And to do it unconsciously, no less'_ he thought.

"_Amazing_," one of Fugi's subordinates whispered. Something flashed through the girl's eyes dangerously, but before she could turn on the poor fellow, Jiraiya had crossed the room and knocked her out.

The medics blinked out of their trance and straightened up indignantly before replacing the monitors on the girl's skin and readjusting the machines. Fugi-san was last to break his transfixed stare and turned to face the bed, starting when he discovered the sage instead.

"Ah, Jiraiya-sama!" he said shakily, his young face blank in suprise, "Forgive me! I wasn't aware you were still in town! Is there something...?"

"Fugi-san," Jiraiya began in a stern voice, "Where exactly did this girl come from?"

His eyes widened, then wondered over to a black pack draped over a visitor's chair.

"We're not entirely sure..." he spoke distantly, "We found her in a very critical condition - it's a miracle her spine is still intact. Wherever she came from, she must have had one hell of fall," He turned back to face the sage.

"We did, however, find an identification card of some sort, but it was in a language none of our catography staff could identify..." Suddenly his eyes narrowed suspiciously, "What is the meaniong of this Jiraiya? You know I cannot share a patient's personal information,"

Jiraiya tilted his head back and pondered at the cieling for a long time, eyes twinkling thoughtfully, before he straightened up and grinned at the young medic.

"She's my neice, you see:" he explained enthusiastically, "I had been sent by her older sister to retrieve her and bring her home to the Konoha!"

Fugi didn't buy it. "And do you have any valid proof of your authority in this matter, Sage?"

Jiraiya's glare grew icy as he stepped threateningly close to the young doctor and tilited his head slightly, making sure Fugi got a good look at his numerous scars. "I think I have all the authorization that I need:" he said simply. Fugi gulped. Jiraiya of the three Legendary Sannin was not one to tassle with and - medical miracle or not - he valued his own life far more than some strange (and potentially dangerous) foreigner.

"...Very well," he said finally, relaxong when the powerful toad sage backed off and smiled lazily.

"Great! Just call me in when she's stable and we'll be on our merry way," and with that, Jiraiya folded his arms behind his head once again and strolled back into town, nearly forgetting the reason he had been there in the first place.


	3. Chapter 2: Theories Over Rice Balls

**A/N:** This chapter is the "lets explain everything and be boring gits" hump that every author must get over, but its required that you read or you'll have no idea whats going on. Next chapter will be a lot of fun though so just you wait!

**Disclaimer:**I do not own Naruto or any of the characters in it. Yosh.

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**Theories Over Rice balls**

_This _time when I woke up, I was moving. I mean, of course, right? Now all I needed to do was open my eyes to the freaking Spanish army... or somethings. This whole 'waking up to some strange and utterly ridiculous predicament' thing was very rapidly getting old.Determined to actually stay awake this time, I squinted open my eyes blearily. '_Oh God,_' I thought irately, '_Blue, blue sky on all sides. A bad omen if I ever saw one,_' I closed my eyes again for a moment, inhaling deeply and wondering if I even _wanted_to know, before sitting up heavily and rubbing my eyes. Staring at the sky was making me dizzy and 'whatever I was sitting on's jumbling was making me nauseous. Not a good mix.

"Ah, you're awake! Hungry?"

I whipped my head around fast enough to give me whip-lash, nearly falling off the particularly soft object I happened to be rolling around on in the process. The guy laughed from his perch at the head of the hermit-cart and turned back to steering his funny looking Ox-thing. I stared. Did he have... _make-up_ on? That was the coolest frickin' use of make-up _ever!_I began contemplating the many awesome designs I could do on my face so deeply that I didn't even notice when the cart trotted to a halt. I felt a light tap on my shoulder and actually _did _fall off when I turned my face and found his nose-mole thing.

"Agh, gross! Don't _do _that!" I shouted indignantly, rubbing my poor aching bottom.

He chuckled, "Sorry. 'Guess you're probably not used to ninjas... or are you...?" he prodded. I nearly fell over.

"Dear Lord of the Pacific Ocean, what is it with you people and ninjas? And who are you? Where are we? Where are you taking me?! I KNOW KARATE!"

I promptly began kicking and flailing at the air with a determined '_of course I know what I'm doing_' gleam in my eye. Hermit-nose-mole-guy laughed heartily and picked me up into the air by the scruff of my collar.

_Wow_ this guy was big.

And I'm not light either. I weigh a good hundred and twenty-something pounds! Make me feel like a five-year-old why don't you?

"Calm down! I won't hurt you,"

I narrowed my eyes suspiciously, but relaxed in a pathetic slump and let him place me back on the floor - before slipping into Safety Sally mode, of course.

"As your captive and responsibility, I hereby demand you to inform me of my current location and identify yourself with some form of legalized documentation!"

Hey, when in doubt, talk like 1940's policeman.

But the big guy only nodded solemnly and tapped his chin. For a moment I thought he was going to ignore me, but then he suddenly whipped around and struck up a good-guy pose so bright it nearly blinded me.

"I, my fair young lady, am JIRAIYA, Legendary Sannin and Toad Sage! Amazing ninja and utterly _prodigious_ author of adult romances! HA!" And with a dazzling thumbs up, I could almost picture the exaggerated fireworks blasting off behind him.

"Now your turn," he ended enthusiastically.

'_Jeez,_' I thought, '_Why doesn't he just _ask?' I scratched my head thoughtfully and examined him. It was clear that everyone here was exceptionally insane, so I might as well play along or they might burn me at the stake or something. I struck up my own rather dazzling position and pointed dramatically at nothing as I loudly announced,

"And I, my large and ever threatening companion, am Kaya! Freshman at Jamison High school, Florida! 13 year-old genius with absolutely _zero _attention span and apparently the only sane person left on this planet! Now _please _tell me where I am!"

He looked at me strangely for a while, stroking that Ox thing's head absently. I was about to scream because '_Sweet fucking Jesus how long does it take this guy to think?!_' but before I could open my mouth, he was speaking.

"Well... right now we're not really anywhere," he said like it made all the sense in the world.

"...Huh?"

"Look around,"

And I did.

And I gasped.

It was like a painting. Seriously. It was surreal. Remember how the sky was so immensely vast? Yeah, multiply that times, like, fifty and add huge rolling fields of wheat plants. With the cool breezes' every subtle movement came an enormous wave of motion, rustling and glinting in the early afternoon sun.

"I don't think I'm in Kansas anymore..." I whispered grimly. There sure as hell wasn't any place like this in America... and Japan was completely industrialized by now... everyone here was obsessed with stupid ninjas...

Oh. My. God.

"Jiraiya!" I shouted accusingly, "You say you're a ninja! Prove it!"

The sage blinked for a moment, the sighed. He was probably thinking along the lines of how extraordinarily stubborn his hostage was turning out to be, but whatever; I was in overdrive.

"If you insist," and in a poof of weird white smoke, there were _two _Jiraiya's.

"SWEET MARY JOSEPH LIGHT BULB JUICE!" Hey, that should have been impossible!

"That's one pair of lungs..." Sage #2 grumbled as he dug his pinkie into his ear, closing one eye in concentration.

Of course, I wasn't really paying attention, now was I?

I'd researched the existence of different dimensions once... It was all mixed in with the space-time continuum theory - basically, time is like a fabric stretched taut. When you put a large piece of matter in the middle, (star, planet, etc.) everything around it rotates downward towards it. A lot of people theorized that there were many layers of those fabrics, all piled up on top of one another and compressed into a solid, perfectly balanced and friction-ed mass of UNIVERSE. They also theorized that wormholes (when gravity and strong nuclear force sort of implode and create and awesome tunnel through space and time - meaning that if you fell in, you could pop out just about anywhere as well as any_time_) were like the subway stations between dimensions.

Of course, it was close to impossible that I'd fallen into a _wormhole_ in the middle of the planet when - quite obviously - nothing had imploded. Or maybe it did and I was in a coma or something. No, that's illogical. Well, so is the wormhole thing. _Damn it_ I'm getting off track.

Anyway, if I had fallen into another world, my body would have had to immediately adapt in order to survive (which kind of/sort of/totally explained explained the pain during the transition). But there were still so many blanks... and how the hell did a TV show become its own frickin' dimension? Okay, time to think.

What did I remember from that God-forsaken anime? Hmmm... Okay, there was an old guy called Hokage... he was probably like a mayor or something... damn, what was that village called... (sigh) skip that. Characters... Naruto (obviously), Sasuke (the object of my sister's undying affection), Sakura (the object of her very vicious verbal bashing)... uh... OH! Iko! No... Ino? Right? Whatever. This doesn't help me. What was that words the (shiver) doctors used again...?

Chakra.

"Hey Kid? Anyone home?" came a knocking on my skull. I felt my eyes unglaze as a rice ball was waved under my nose.

MMMMM... food!

What was I thinking again?

Damn, it was important too!

"We have some talking to do," he said seriously, sitting down cross-legged (and surprisingly graceful) on a boulder that had miraculously appeared there in a grand span of five seconds.

I sat on the floor Indian-style and stared up at him expectantly, munching happily on my long-denied lunch.

"Because we're both completely clueless here, we'll take turns answering questions. You first,"

"Okay... What country are we in?" I asked through a mouthful of rice.

"We're about to leave the Cloud country," he said simply, "Currently headed to Fire country,"

I blinked at him quizzically. _Of course_ countries would be named after elements here. Why make it any _easier_for Kaya when we can screw with her logic? (sigh) none of those sounded familiar anyways, so I kept going.

"Are ninjas, like, a commonplace here?"

"Yes. Everywhere, actually,"

"Mhmm... Why did you take me hostage?"

"I did not take you hostage - I was helping out an old friend. He was your medic and had a lot of work to do. I took you off his hands," he replied matter-of-factly.

"Are YOU a liscensed medical worker capable of performing emergency medical procedures if I suddenly drop and have a stroke in five seconds?"

"Do you have anywhere else to go?"

"...Touche. What is chakra?"

He gave me a quizzical look - like I'd just asked him what color grass was.

"You don't know what chakra is?"

"If I did, I wouldn't have asked!"

He continued to stare at me for a while before deciding that he would get his fair share of questions as well. He swallowed down one more large bite of rice and inhaled, ready to go into a full explanation.

"Chakra is basically your life energy," he began thoughtfully, "It travels through your body in a chakra system, which I suppose you could say are like pathways through your blood and organs. Everyone's is different and some have particularly skilled control over it, or have a larger amount. These people are able to concentrate their chakra in order to create Justus and use them to fight. That's where ninjas come in. They protect and perform missions for their village," he paused for a moment, as though trying to decide whether to tell me more, then nodded in affirmation.

My brain kicked into overdrive again. His explanation was probably the most sufficient thing I would get, and it was just enough to fill in the blanks.

"Do I have chakra?" I asked curiously.

"Yes. Infact, you have one of the largest chakra systems I've ever come across. My turn!"

"Hey! I have one more question!" I protested.

He sighed, "Shoot,"

My lip quivered mischievously, "Did you say you were a _Toad__ Sage_?!" Then I burst out laughing. His eyebrow twitched angrily and he got a good blow to my head.

"Owww..."

"My turn,"

Well, _Jeez_.

"The hospital said they found you in a crater. Your body produces abnormal amounts of chakra," he explained seriously, "So... where did you come from?"

I thought for a moment, clicking my explanation carefully into place before I spoke again.

"I came from a different dimension,"

He blinked.

"Is that so?"

"It's so _'so'_it's scary, Mr. Jiraiya, sir,"

"Explain,"

So I did, in excruciating detail. He nodded at appropriate intervals and '_hmm_'ed occasionally as I went into my enthusiastic account of the Serial Killing Manhole, Squeaky, and waking up to an onslaught of white. He frowned.

"If you came through this... bug-hole of yours-"

"Wormhole,"

"Sure. If you came through a wormhole as you describe, how did you obtain such massive amounts of chakra?"

"I have a theory..." I began mysteriously, "In order to survive in a different climate, your body temperature adjusts, right? Well, I figure that the pain I felt while I was falling was my body adapting to this world - by growing a chakra system that is,"

His eyes grew wide as he contemplated this. I wasn't exactly sure whether to take this as an 'I can't believe it!' sign, or a 'you're very clearly mentally impaired' sign, but he nodded absently, so I continued.

"In my world, the laws of physics are different then they are here - much more limited. I'm guessing that because I had to use so much extra energy to survive in my dimension, my body is used to producing that amount. When I got here, it needed somewhere to put all that energy and converted it into chakra. That's probably why I had so much, but I figure that if I use it all up, my chakra system should shrink down... right?"

There was a long pause in which Jiraiya's eyes glazed over in thought. '_Oh no, here we go again,_' I thought as I placed my chin in my hands and waited for his little epiphany to end. Several minutes in distracted silence stretched on to what seemed like forever. I was in the middle of watching a particularly intriguing interaction between little black ants on the dirt road when Jiraiya mumbled, "No..."

I screwed up my face in confusion, "Huh?"

"No. Your chakra won't just run out kid. Back in that hospital, when you tore that seal off, you released so much suppressed chakra it nearly destroyed your mind. And even afterwards you _still_had enough to plunge a syringe through a thick concrete wall. After you were stabilized again, your body immediately started restoring all the chakra you'd lost. Right now, it's looking like you might produce too much for the rest of your life,"

I flinched at the prospect of being stuck in this place forever and vowed in the back of my head to eventually find a way back.

"But I feel completely normal... if not even a little wiped out..."

He jerked his head slightly towards my left arm. I followed his guide and pulled up my sleeve to find, of course, that stupid Japanese seal thing. I sighed and decided to not even think into the whole language thing, lest I give myself a brain hemorrhage.

"Well then... what do I do?" I inquired defeatedly.

Jiraiya looked up with a resolved look in his eyes, "You find a way exert chakra on a constant basis in order to keep yourself stable subconsciously at all times,"

I blinked.

Give it up for Jiraiya: Winner of Earth's Most Vague Kidnapper Award.

"I suppose it's settled then," he announced victoriously, standing from his perch on the boulder and rolling the remaining rice balls up into a sack.

"Hey- what's settled? What are you on about Old Man?!" I shouted, leaping up onto my feet as he climbed back into the cart and sat contentedly on what I now could see was teetering pile of luggage.

He grabbed the Ox's reigns, "I am going to train you to become a shinobi, Kaya-Chan. As of now, you are my apprentice. Now hop on; we have a long way ahead of us,"

"EH?" I stood, shell-shocked. Didn't see _that_one coming, "How do I know your not some perverted peep?!"

"You don't!" He shouted, the cart miraculously already a good twelve yards away, "But your bag is still on this cart, so I suggest you try running!"

I paled visibly and immediately took off, leaving dust in my wake. In that moment, I realized something ground-breaking.

Ninjas suck _ass._


	4. Chapter 3: Fun With Jiraiya Sensei

**A/N: **Yay! Chapter 3! What an accomplishment! Anyways, I'm RIDICULOUSLY excited about this story. I'm already like fifty chapters ahead in my mind XD. I might start doing a few one-shots but most of my dedication is here until I finish! And for some chapters I'll also give you the name of a song I think goes with it just to get you in the mood XD A soundtrack, if you will. If you have any ideas for that just let me know! Have fun!

**Disclaimer:**I do not own Naruto or any of the characters in it. Yosh.

* * *

**Fun With Jiraiya-Sensei**

"Stupid, asshole, impossible, conceded old man..." I grumbled irritably, kicking a small stone out of my way as I shuffled down the dusty road. We had stopped in this inconspicuous little village Jiraiya had called _'Isawari'_ a few hours before sunset and the old fart had the nerve to dump me at some shaggy inn, saying he had 'business' to attend to. Naturally, my ability to entertain myself lasted a grand total of twenty seconds before I climber out the window and explored.

The village was quite literally like something I'd seen in my History book. No cars, no cellphones, nothing - just bustling people in funny monotonous clothes, cheerfully circulating inwards towards a general marketplace. Everything was made of wood, too. Like, _everything_. I mean, after trudging through so many shacks, I'd half expected the _people_to be made of wood. I'd always loved little towns, though. Growing up in Miami, bustling villages with clean air seemed like a fairytale. I even found myself enjoying it - but that didn't stop me from cussing Jiraiya to the ends of the Earth.

Anyway, I'd made my way to the outskirts of the village by now and the people were starting to slowly trickle away. Children and their distressed mothers waddled in and out of booths, hurriedly trying to finish their shopping before the sun went down. A breeze whistled through the trees and I plopped down defeatedly by the wall of a bathhouse building. I'd never actually been in one, and I wasn't so eager to try, (sitting in a room full of naked people... honestly?) but I could tell by the steam drifting out from the cracks in the wooden planks that it was in good business. I closed my eyes and thumped my head on the wall, contemplating my situation.

Jiraiya had said that I was to be his apprentice for a while (I tried furiously to block out the mental image of my face on his body) and that, apparently, was a great honor. In fact, I'm sure it would have been if I'd known anything else about him besides that he took pride in being a sage of... well, _toads_. And to be honest, I wasn't really sure what I had cut out for me, being a ninja and everything. At first I had picture myself all clad in black, sneaking about and kicking bad guy's asses with only my pinkie finger and my own radical theme music - but one look at Jiraiya told me that wasn't _quite _right.

I sighed inwardly; these were the times when I wished with all of my heart that I had actually listened to my sister's incessant ramblings. I ran through all of my most recent encounters with the bouncy blond and frowned despairingly when all I'd found were blanks. I really _did_ need to start listening better. A hazy image of her making some odd hand gesture floated through my memory. What was it again... a hand seal?

I scrunched up my face and squeezed my lids shut, trying to keep the picture there while I had a go at imitating it. After a few moments, I opened one eye to take a peek. It wasn't _exactly_what I'd had in mind - my pinkies were sticking up at an odd angle and my thumbs pressed together awkwardly - but it was the best I could do. I scanned my surroundings suspiciously (for what, I wasn't sure, but something told me that was the sort of thing ninjas did) and sniffed the air before bowing my head in concentration. Something was supposed to happen now, right? Like a smoke-bomb going off or someone turning into a lizard or something. There were several minutes of an almost comical silence and me 'concentrating' so hard my face turned blue, before I finally gasped for air and glared at the dirt. I would _never_ be able to stay focused long enough to figure _this_ one out. Maybe I needed an incantation or something. Like in _Harry Potter_!

Sounded logical.

I squeezed my eyes shut again, pressing my fingertips together oddly and whispered, "_Abra Kadabra!_'

_"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!_"

I probably jumped out of my skin just then, whipping my head around wildly. There was a cacophony of women screaming and cursing and dangerously loud splashing coming from behind the wall. I lept onto my feet, fell flat on my face, lept up again, and ran for my soul through the back door, fearing prosecution for homicide. I tumbled ungracefully past an alarmed receptioness and turned a sharp corner, flying through the wooden halls towards the commotion. A few girls stumbled out of a door in a cloud of steam, yelling and cursing to and fro about '_perverts_' and '_lawsuits_'.

I nearly sobbed in relief that my 'jutsu' hadn't murdered anyone, but almost screamed when I saw a hoard of angry women beating up on a mound of white hair...

_You have _got_ to be kidding me._

"JIRAIYA!!"

The old sage twitched weakly behind the melodramatic X's across his eyes, a goofy smile spread across his face and little birds dancing around his head. A nosebleed was dripping off his chin.

"YOU SON OF A BITCH! I _knew_ you were a pedophile, I _knew_it!" I shouted as I pushed through the angry crowd of half- naked victims and grabbed him by the collar with both hands, using whatever might I could muster to drag him out of the bathhouse - narrowly avoiding a mob of women looking for blood, of course - muttering all the way.

"Business my ass! Stupid sage, do you realize how unappealing of a mentor you're turning out to be?! I want you to know that I no longer feel secure in your custody! I'm going to start carrying Mace and I'm not afraid to scream RAPE-"

"Well, well, well... what do we have here?"

I dropped Jiraiya's head unceremoniously to the ground and spun around. Three _really_big guys stared back at me. They weren't as big as Jiraiya, but seeing how he was incapacitated and everything, that wasn't really relevant. The first two were twins, both with an identical mop of auburn hair, thin noses, sparkling brown eyes, and both ridiculously tall. _Ridiculously_. I lovingly dubbed them 'Big' and 'Bigger'. In front of them was a slightly shorter one with muscles so big you could _see_ them pulsing. I called him 'Brawn'.

Bigger got a stupid smile on his face, "I'd say these were the two peepers from Tika's-bath, wouldn't you-?"

"Uhm, correction," I interjected quickly, "The _one_peeper from Tika's-thing. As you can see, he has a very serious mental impairment,"

I jerked my thumb over my shoulder to where Jiraiya was beginning to regain consciousness, rolling his head from side to side and drooling all over himself.

"Hmmm... yeah, I see it," Big said, nodding solemnly, "But we still gotta take you in. Village procedure. We'll take the guy and you can go with Ita to take care of the fine," he nodded towards Brawn, who gave me a creepy, gap-toothed smile.

_Ew_. No thank you.

"Uh... uh... ABRA KADABRA!...?" Nothing. Except for a few '_Old man's not the only one_' looks.

"NO JUTSU!" Jiraiya suddenly shouted drunkenly, rolling around on the road, "You have to say, '-NO JUTSU'!"

"I'M NOT DONE WITH YOU!" I pointed at him accusingly.

I turned around again and put my serious face on while forming my funny, made-up hand-seal and trying to conceal my panic. Big and Bigger looked alarmed at first, then confused, then amused. If they were ninja, I couldn't tell, but even if they weren't they could probably see I was improvising. Meanwhile, Brawn was still giving me that creepy smile, and just that was enough to inspire me.

"Please Please, Oh My God Do Something - no jutsu!"

Then, something _AMAZING _happened. (cue sparkles)

I felt a little spark - right in the core of my belly. It grew and grew and trickled through my arms like electricity to where my fingers were joined; I started giggling a little through my clenched teeth - chakra fucking _tickled_- and tried desperately not to break my focus. I wasn't exactly sure what the hell I was doing, but there was chakra involved, so it must be at least a step forward, right? The tingling built up until my fingers were almost numb, and for a moment I panicked a little because, '_what the fuck do I do now?_', but my body moved on its own accord.

My hands flew apart and formed identical sign-language Y's, pinkies pointing at either Big Brother, both thumbs at Brawn.

'_Oh yeah,_' I thought, '_Bitches goin'_ _DOWN'_

"NOW!" I commanded. Blue electricity twirled and danced around my fingers for a moment, then it shot out in long streams. I could still feel it once it left my body and as it collided with something soft, but the connection broke as it invaded their bodies and I was sent skidding backwards on my ass into an almost-sane Jiraiya.

_Zap. Zap. Zaaapp._

Thud.

I opened my eyes carefully, rubbing my aching head irritably. "So much for _tha_-" but I was cut off when I saw just exactly what I had done.

And almost gave myself a brain lesion, laughing.

Big, Bigger and Brawn - in all their mighty glory - were all sprawled helter-skelter, and quite literally _wriggling_ on the ground. Like worms. Or like their bones had suddenly been converted into Jello. It was probably the funniest damn thing I'd ever lain my eyes upon and I couldn't help but take pride in my work. Their mouths gaped open like fish and their eyes searched frantically for, well, probably something to kill me with.

After a good minute of laughing so hard I choked on air, I figured that it would wear of soon and that we should probably leave before I get charged for assault. Still cackling, I grabbed Jiraiya by the sleeve and took off, dragging him haphazardly through the dirt and rock to the inn. Once I'd collected my bag, I threw the old man over my shoulder (with the help of a very sturdy dresser, of course) and sped back to the hermit-cart.

It was dark by now, but I supposed I could scrounge out a couple of sleeping bags to camp out in once we got far away enough from the village. I dumped Jiraiya in the back with the luggage and hurriedly grabbed Sweetie's reigns, (I'd named him that specifically after Jiraiya made me run to keep up with the damn thing... asswad...) jumping in the front and speeding away. The cart jumbled a dangerous amount and I almost slowed down in case the piles of crap Jiraiya had had fallen over on him, but then thought better of it as a particularly rough bump sent us flying like Santa Clause.

_'Bastard asked for it,'_

* * *

"You're not trying,"

"..."

"Kaya-Chan, you can't take the seal off until you focus,"

"..."

"..."

"You need to-"

"God _DAMNIT _Jiraiya, I swear on everything holy that if you don't stop interrupting my stream of consciousness, I will exploit your demeaning '_research_' to every tabloid on this planet!"

_So there._

He smacked me upside the head.

"Owww..."

"Pay respect to your sensei,"

Oh yeah, I had to call him '_sensei_' now, too. Karate Kid much? I would have made a snarky comment, but I figured that Jiraiya was the kind of guy who could disable all of your limbs with, like, a banana or something. Better to do what he says.

"Jiraiya-senseeeiii! This very clearly isn't working!"

"Because you're not focusing,"

I groaned in exasperation. I swear this guy could be so bipolar sometimes.

IT had been about two weeks since I was forced to drag Jiraiya out of that village and my training was going terribly slow. He'd taught me a lot about ninjas, though - the whole system was fairly simple really. There were three different divisions- -genin, chunnin, and jounin. Right now, I'm apparently on my way to becoming a genin (which is totally awesome, mind you) - but the problem is... well, I suck.

So far, at least.

Jiraiya says that I'm excelling in taijutsu (hand-to-hand combat) and that my '_technique_', albeit stupid looking, is effective. What he doesn't know is that the only reason I'm doing so well is that I've always been abnormally flexible and that I'm relatively calm in a state of panic. I didn't have the heart to tell him that my _'technique'_was a combination of random flailing at whatever surface seemed potentially bruisable and Karate lessons I had when I was ten. But, hey, I didn't end up with _too_ many injuries. And I healed overnight in this world too! Cool, huh?

Ahem, anyway - I'm not so lucky with ninjutsu. I _would_be so much better if Jiraiya would let me take the seal off,. but he won't touch it until I eat sleep, and breathe chakra. Literally. I have to _breathe_it out systematically. He says I'll have troubles on missions this way, but that what I lack in stealth I'll have to make up for in speed. Or something.

Last, but not least, is genjutsu - which I was most eager to learn about. He didn't tell me much, only that he refused to teach it to me because I wasn't ready to toy with people's brains.

_Yet._ (Insert evil maniacal laughter.)

He'd also told me where we were actually headed - a village called Konoha. The way he described it made it sound like a nostalgic heaven, I swear. Oh yeah! And he'd also asked me who Jesus was after one of my particularly colorful cussing sessions. I'd laughed and said,

"Jiraiya, do you live in a hole-?"

And then I'd collapsed on the floor in hysterics.

"Oh my God! You _do_ live in a hole!"

Then he'd cuffed me over the head again.

Anyway - Konoha. It had struck a chord, so I asked him about it and he told me that I was to meet the Hokage.

(cue gong) BINGO!

Apparently, a Hokage was the leader of this Hidden Shinobi Village. I was to meet him when we arrived there and he would tell whether I was allowed to become a ninja. Honestly, I didn't really care if he did or not - just getting to this 'Hidden Leaf Village' would get me closer to familiarity. No matter how little it may be.

And we would be there in a week.

So here I was, training my little heart out while my not-so-closet-pervert-sensei chewed me out about focus, sitting Indian-style under the shade of a big oak at our camp. I hadn't let Jiraiya stop at another village for obvious reasons, but I kind of liked camping here. The bugs weren't _nearly_ as bad as they were back in Florida. And bathing in a lake was a monumental experience.

The exercise I was _supposed _to be doing was to focus the extra chakra leaking from my system into my pores for emergency release. I'd succeeded in doing absolutely zip so far, but I could feel my concentration getting sharper... sort of.

Jiraiya sighed, "Okay, we'll try this one more time before we stop for lunch,"

My stomach growled loudly and I nodded enthusiastically in agreement before bowing my head again and closing my eyes.

'_If I can do this one damn exercise,_' I thought coaxingly, '_Then I can eat something else besides rice-balls,_'

Of course, that did it.

The spark in my belly flared up again, except this time, instead of turning into electricity, it shot up towards the top of my head where it slowly slid downward over my skin, oozing like gel. I shivered involuntarily and unconsciously whispered "_release,_" just like Jiraiya had told me to. The oozing suddenly evaporated and it felt like my body was steaming.

"Perfect! Absolutely perfect! Now just do it fifteen more times,"

I groaned again and opened my eyes to see my vision tinted that funny blue color again. I raised a brow quizzically and looked down at my lap...

"Agh! JIRAIYA I'M _BLUE_! GROSS - dead people - corpses - EW!"

Jiraiya rolled his eyes as I toppled over stiffly and squirmed on the grass.

"It will fade away if you stop moving,"

I immediately froze in an awkward position and waited stalk-still until the blue dispersed. Jiraiya chuckled lightly as he got to his feet and dusted himself off.

"We ran out of riceballs last night. Have you ever tried dumplings?"

I hopped up energetically and bounded after him.

* * *

Kaya truly did have a vexing mentality, he finally decided as he poked the campfire absently. How she had come up with that 'bughole' theory was all but lost to him, but the scary thing was that she had made it make _sense_. Wherever she came from must have been something... She was certainly one of the spunkier little girls he had met, but she wasn't unintelligent - and with that kind of power, the safest place for her would be Konoha.

Jiraiya leaned back against a tree-stump, watching the shadows play across the camp, flickering over the retired cart, Kaya's slumped sleeping bag, and 'Sweetie's' resting form. He chuckled. Yes, she was definitely something else.

It was odd though. how her chakra somehow found little bursts of random inspiration to surpass the suppression of the seal. She had earlier mentioned a system she had of bribing herself into doing things. If she could harness that kind of control 24/7, she could very well excel in ninjutsu, as well as taijutsu and genjutsu. Her taijutsu habits were untamed, and odd to say the least - but Jiraiya was positive she would improve in Konoha.

He wasn't worried about Sarutobi-sensei accepting her as a ninja - anyone could see her good intent and sheer will power - and meeting him didn't seem like something she was worried about, so the only problem was her control. With a temper like hers, only time could tell.

His head flicked up as a twig snapped, but it was only Kaya rolling over and throwing her arm over her eyes. Gaining a sudden inspiration, Jiraiya lifted himself carefully from his spot and tip-toed over to her side, placing a chakra-charged index finger to the center of the seal. It was very clearly wearing down with every time her chakra broke past it. It would be easier to apply a new one while she was unconscious so that:

a) The chakra wouldn't flare up and cause her nervous system to have a dangerous reaction, and

b) So that she wouldn't bitch him out about "oppressing her Constitutional rights" or one of her other odd ramblings.

He sent a jolt into the seal to disarm it, then slowly and cautiously peeled it off - another one ready in the other hand for an immediate exchange. The paper detached steadily, little strings of glue-paste snapping off each time he gave a gentle tug. So far, so good. It was already half-way done and the chakra flow hadn't been disturbed one bit - albeit it was circulating much stronger. Jiraiya inhaled deeply, then quickly tore the seal away, leaving a patch of red irritation in it's goose-bumped wake. Her chakra glowed around her like an aura for a brief moment as he reached over quickly to reapply the seal, but suddenly died down and began circulating again. He blinked, hand frozen above her forearm. Did she just...? He carefully pocketed the seal and changed the course of his hand to her mouth, closing his eyes as he waited for her to exhale. She mumbled something incoherent and breathed out contentedly, a decent amount of chakra flowing steadily from her lungs.

Jiraiya looked down at her face, pleasantly surprised. '_So she had been training after all..._' He smiled a little and stood, making his way to his own sleeping bag. He'd see how her body adapted without the seal in the morning. Right now, a little sleep would do...

* * *

When Jiraiya woke up, it was to a dim sunrise, a restless Ox, and delighted peals of laughter. He lifted his head groggily and turned on his side, not entirely sure who it was until an empty sleeping bag rolled into his vision from across the expired fire. He grumbled incoherently and stood, rubbing the fog out of his eyes while silently cursing adventurous children. He pushed irately through some tough bushes and followed the laughter as he entered a clearing and lifted his bleary eyes, striding towards a particularly giddy figure, jumping around on a pond. Yes, on. He blinked as she spun in circles joyfully, one of his old T-shirts billowing around her calves and some battered old sweats much to big for her he had picked up in Isawari rolled up to her ankles.. She turned to face him on her toes, sending ripples through the murky green.

"Jiraiya-sensei! Look!" She called out excitedly, suddenly sriffening her legs and arms, hobbling around on the water's surface, "I'm Jeeeeessuuuusss!"

Jiraiya rolled his eyes and turned back towards camp.

_Yeah. She'll fit right in._


	5. Chapter 4: Welcome To Konoha!

**A/N: **I am SO sorry for the delay. I had to go to a funeral on the day i was supposed to type this chapter up and then I had some difficulties deciding how much to include in it, but thanks to my amazing little sister, Tashi, I have straightened everything out! So HA! Also, most of the uncapitalized I's and problems with italicized words have been mention in some of my lovely reviews. The reason for this is that my I type all of my chapters on word-pad and when I upload it everything comes out all funky. I don't have the time or patience to fix it right now but i will over break, i promise :]. Everyone thank you _so so_ much for reviewing you're all totally amazing! i should have the next chapter up by like, next Thursday or something. Maybe sooner! REAGAN-SMASH!

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Naruto or any of the characters in it. Yosh.

* * *

**Chapter 4 - Welcome To Konoha!**

If anyone I knew were to see what I was doing, they would have checked themselves into an asylum and pronounced themselves delirious. Or insane. Or both. Why, you ask? Because as of this moment, in the blaring sunlight, shoeless and caked in dirt, I, Kaya, was _jogging_. And _enjoying_ it. Impossible, you say? I think not!

It truly was a ground-breaking experience. I was practically singing as I pumped alongside Sweetie, periodically rubbing his head fondly and throwing twigs at his swinging tail. Poor thing. Anyways, since Jiraiya took the seal off, (I'd berated him for coming within ten feet of my sleeping bag later, don't worry) I've had so much more stamina. I'd twirled around my backpack singing the '_Song That Gets On Everybody's Nerves_' for, like, forty minutes a couple of days ago and my focus was improving fantastically. And my senses were heightened too! You honestly wouldn't believe the things I can hear, and I actually caught Jiraiya flirting with some poor, lost gypsy-looking girls on the road by following his _scent_ one night. He smelled like rice and pond water. And Earth. And a little washed up cologne. It was totally cool. My vision was so much sharper now, too. I could make out even the tiniest stick in the road from fifty meters off. And the scenery was even more amazing when you could see each and every shade of green glinting in the light from the thickets of trees we passed. Honestly, it's no wonder ninjas are so quick on things.

Jiraiya had been teaching me to pay attention to my surroundings more, also ( I know I chew him out for being and old pedophile, but he's probably a much better mentor than I give him credit for). The path we had been traveling on had long-since lost diverging roads and the dirt was becoming more worn and refined. There hadn't been a sign for ages, which probably meant we were getting closer to the village. See? Cool how things connect like that, huh?

"_Reading underneath the underneath..._"

...

God, I sound like such a cryptic.

But that's okay. I'm a sort-of-kind-of-semi ninja now! I have a license to vague, cryptic metaphors.

There had also been on point when Jiraiya had gone to get some firewood and I was left alone with the cart. I'd glanced at it suspiciously, trying not to be tempted by it's piles of bags and boxes, but in the end it was simply _begging_for me to look. I'd peered around to make sure he was actually gone and not playing one of his stupid shinobi-mind-games on me before zooming over to a large box and ripping it open, squealing excitedly when I found his stash of novels.

_Jackpot!_

I'd grabbed one of the numerous identical copies with the big red '_no trespassing_' symbol and curled up next to Sweetie to read. I was dismayed to no end when I remembered I couldn't read Japanese. (sigh).

One day, Jiraiya... _One day_...

Anyway, back to my little track session; Jiraiya-sensei and I were currently submerged in a very heated (on my part at least) discussion on my capability to perform genjutsuresponsibly - me trying to keep my pace through those big-ass pants with Jiraiya's old T-shirt held up by a ripped blanket tied around me waist like an Obi, him leaning back lazily towards the trees, sweat-dropping and rolling his eyes at appropriate intervals.

"But Jiraiya-senseeeiii! I swear to you on the left hemisphere of my brain than I won't do the alien-abduction scenario! I'll even do a Jesus impersonation for you!"

He looped his arms behind his head boredly, "Tempting, but no. I don't want to be responsible for whatever havoc you decide to reap when you finally control your jutsus."

I stopped jogging and hopped onto the cart, taking my seat behind his head and absently started braiding his pony-tail.

"But I've worked so hard! I even mastered your stupid little clone-jutsu and made a fire while simultaneously doing fifteen push-ups. I think I at _least_deserve to learn a few minor Jedi-mind-tricks!" I karate-chopped my hand for emphasis.

"You'll learn it from someone else, then. What are you doing to my hair?"

"Nothing," I tied it off with a little piece of straw and started a new braid next to it, "Why aren't you afraid to peep into a women's bathhouse but refuse to teach me genjutsu because of the consequences it _might_ have?"

A vein pulsed in his forehead, "It was not peeping, It was-"

"Yeah, yeah, I know - research. _Deniaaal..._"

He aimed for a smack to my head, but I dodged it nimbly. I was about to grin in triumph when an equally fast blow sent me tumbling off the cart. I spluttered dirt out of my mouth angrily, "ABUSE!"

"You're not running!" he called back lazily.

I gaped ridiculously for a moment.

"Oh yeah? Well... YOU - uh - wear make-up!"

The cart continued jumbling along.

"God damn-it," I cursed, getting up and scrambling to catch up again.

"You know Jiraiya-sensei, you still don't have any sort of legal custody of me. I could totally trun myself in to child-services and be fed actual _food_ instead of forty consecutive pounds of rice and - _whoa,_" I froze and took a step back, craning my neck.

A cement wall - roughly about twenty feet high and a worn grey color whose stains probably told stories Einstein couldn't count - stretched out along the thick trees in front of us, ends disappearing on either side of the isolated path and trapping us in a sort of mini-clearing under a canopy of trees.

"Well... someones not very subtle," I muttered curiously, creeping past where Jiraiya was digging around in the cart and approached the barrier, poking it experimentally. It was definitely a hard wall, (great observationist, right here) and most likely really thick. The surface was rough and aged as I spread my hand over it, exploring the texture with my new super-senses. It wasn't an eerie wall, or a threatening wall - more like one of those familiar, comforting constants that gave of a good vibe. It was protecting something, not containing, and just that was enough to make me relax.

"We're here," Jiraiya finally announced, throwing me me backpack and a duffel bag I assumed was his ninja-stuff or something, considering its fantastic weight.

"Where - the Hidden Leaf Village?" I bit out, trying to balance the bag so that it wouldn't send me crashing into the dirt.

"You bet," he threw another bag in my direction, nearly toppling me over. "You're going to follow this wall east until you get to the gates - they're big and red, you can't miss 'em," he abandoned his digging and walked over to me struggling form, placing two scrolls on top of the teetering pile, "You'll probably be stopped by one of the guards - give them the red scroll and they'll take you to the Hokage. When you get there, give him the blue scroll. Make sure you're on your best behavior," he mussed up my hair and I crossed my eyes in irritation; He grinned fondly, "You've done well, Kaya. I look forward to seeing your improvement as a shinobi," he took a step back and climbed back into the cart, grabbing Sweetie's reigns.

"Hey - wait! Ah - aren't you - ugh - coming?!" I asked through gritted teeth, only barely concealing my panic.

He readjusted the giant scroll latched to his back and turned his upper body towards me, raising his hand in a sort of lazy salute.

"Nope! Good luck, Kaya-Chan! I'll be back to check up on you sometime."

And with that and a poof of that god-forsaken white smoke, I was alone in the clearing, nothing but my unfamiliar luggage by my side.

I dropped the bags and sputtered uncomprehendingly for a while, disbelief written all over my face. There was a long time when I stood in shocked silence, waiting for Ashton Kutcher to fall out of the sky and tell me I'd been '_Punk'd_' - but things never quite work out that way for me anyway, so I settled for verbal abuse.

"Jiraiya! You get your ninja-ass back here, you horny pervert!" I dug my fingers in my hair and tilted my face towards the sky, pacing and spouting angry obscenities like rapid-fire. "_Fuck_, what am I supposed to do now?! That senile, perverted, ass-wad, son of a bitch!" - I paced left - "Someone must really love screwing with me up there, ne? I can't just barge in there alone! They might kill me! Or stick me with sharp and potentially lethal ninja things!" - I paced right - "This is child abuse! Neglect! Oh my god, I'm an abandoned _juvenile_!" - I paced left - "God, that _imbecilic_-"

Right.

"-_irresponsible_-"

Left.

"-_sadistic_-"

Right.

"-_over-aged_-"

"Ahem,"

Dude with a bandage over his face.

"_AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!_"

"Hey, hey!" the young ninja stepped back, hands up in a gesture of innocence - eyes crinkled over the bandage crossing his nose in a nervous smile. "Calm down, kid!"

"Don't touch me! I know forty different kinds of _Kung Fu _and - hey, are you the guard?" I pointed up to the funny symbol on his headband, similar to that big one Jiraiya always wears. He looked a little relieved and nodded his head, mane of spiky black hair tumbling over itself as it brushed across his strong features and the funny little semi-goatee lining his chin. He was tall. _Really_tall. Not big like the Big Brothers of Jiraiya - still muscular, but sort of lanky. He was cute, I decided.

"Yeah. Is there something I can help you with?" he gestured towards the bags questioningly. The light bulb went off in my head and I nodded vigorously, taking whatever assistance I could get.

"I'm here to see the Hokage. My neglectful Sensei ditched me here and told me to find the gate," I shook my head solemnly.

Guard Guy chuckled, "So I heard. Lucky for me you were taking it out on Mother Nature." I looked down at my hands and giggled, embarrassed. _Damn._

"I'm afraid I need to see some identification before I let you in," he added seriously, suddenly straightening up to a much more intimidating height. He looked me up and down suspiciously, pausing to appreciate the extreme oddness of my chosen apparel. I crouched down quickly and dug through my backpack, hopping up not seconds later to proudly present him with my Jamison High, Freshman ID. He blinked at it strangely and carefully plucked it from my hand, scrunching up his face as he examined it closely. Several seconds went by of him systematically looking from the ID to me and back again, confusion written all over his face before I finally sighed in exasperation and fetched the red scroll from beside the fallen duffel bags. _Damn ninjas can't read English_...

"Here," I grunted, snatching the ID back protectively.

He took it gratefully and opened it with ease, eyes widening a funny amount as he scanned through its contents. When he finally looked up at me again, it was with a burning curiosity. I felt the heat crawl up my neck and looked down at my hands again. _Jeez, stop that._

I looked up again a few moments later to find Guard Guy hoisting the bags up on his broad shoulders comfortable, the scroll reduced to a burning pile of ash in the grass.

"I'm Kotetsu. I'll be escorting you to the Hokage," he announced simply and grinned at me assuring over his shoulder. I puffed up my chest indignantly, about to inform him that I was perfectly capable of finding it myself, thank you very much, but then I remembered I was standing in a clear trap between a very un-climbable wall and an endless Forest of trees that would probably like, eat me if I stayed alone in it for too long. I swung my backpack up over my shoulder and hurried after him as he started off to the right instead.

"So.. ah- this is Konoha, right? Is it... friendly?"

Kotetsu snorted, his hair bouncing strategically into space, "So friendly its almost scary. Don't worry about it - with your connections, saying you'll be just fine would be an understatement,"

I pushed through a large bush and narrowly avoided getting my feet tangled in a big root, "Connections?"

From behind, I could see his face-bandage crinkle up in what I assumed to be a reminiscent smile, "Your sensei... well, let's just say he has a pretty good track-record here in the Leaf."

I scratched my head contemplatively, trying to picture a mayor that looked like the Monopoly- Man handing Jiraiya an award for '_Most Effective Pedophillic Antics_'.

Suddenly, Kotetsu pushed past a particularly large branch, shedding an onslaught of blinding sunlight onto my poor retinas. I stumbled past him into a much more open scene and blinked my eyes, trying to clear my vision. When I finally succeeded, I had three reactions:

1) Incredible relief - both for the achievement of my goal of actually _getting_to Konoha, and for the merciful decline in claustrophobia.

2) Awe at the sheer _size_of the magnificent red arches, Japanese symbols painted across the top in large, beautiful print.

3) A sweat-drop rolling down the back of my neck.

"Uh... Kotetsu? Isn't the Hidden Leaf Village supposed to be... well, _hidden_?"

He looked at me funny for a minute, blinking like I'd just spoken Martian, then burst out laughing, nearly falling over and dropping the bags.

"Haha! You d-don't - ha! - that - haha! - just - HA!"

I frowned. That was a serious question...

He dropped his hand on my shoulder, still chuckling and said, "Welcome to Konoha, Kaya. We should probably get you inside before you kill me of laughter,"

He started off into the gates, shoulders shaking in silent mirth. My frown deepened as I followed him inside.

I hadn't told him my name...

* * *

"Hey Kotetsu, what's that?" I pointed to a colorful building where a variety of small children were throwing darts at a large target pinned to a cotton dummy.

He followed my gaze and laughed when I winced at a particularly well-aimed dart to the dummy's skull, "That's the Ninja Academy. It's like a civilian school accept it's for aspiring shinobi,"

I nodded, engrossed as two little girls expertly sparred in a field, kicking and jumping to impossible heights so that they almost looked unreal.

_Creepy. Demon Children_.

We continued to walk through the village in silence for a while, him humming contently, me gaping at every other stationary object. The place was _huge_. And colorful. And had even more bustling market booths than Isawari did. I could totally see myself exploring the maze of buildings, singing myself a James Bond-type theme song in the dead of night. It was quite literally like a theme park. The first thing on my To-Do list automatically shifted '_explore and investigate_' once I finished this whole Hokage business.

"We're almost there," Kotetsu suddenly piped up, pointing to one of the tallest buildings in sight, a large Japanese symbol pointed over it's rounded surface. I nodded understandingly, then went back into Observation Mode, examining his features more in depth.

"What happened to your face?"

He looked a little taken aback at the question, but his eyes glazed over quickly in response and he gave an involuntary shiver.

"There was this mission a few years ago... a cat, a lamp, and my comrade's sandal... you don't want to know the details."

I shivered as well in sympathy; hey, you'd be surprised.

"I'm surprised you haven't asked about the monument yet. Most people interrogate me about it the minute we pass the gates." Kotetsu added in again, coming out of his reminiscent daze.

"Huh?" I looked around, searching for the topic of discussion. Was he talking about the Hokage building?

He jerked his head diagonally and I followed his gesture, tripping over my own feet when I saw it.

How did I not freaking _notice_ that?

Four gigantic faces on an enormous fucking _rock_. Like Mt. Rushmore except more... royal looking.

"Holy fuck."

"I'll take that as the question," he laughed. "Those are the Hokages. It's how our village honors them,"

"You mean besides giving them their own huge building and reign over a village the size of a small country?"

He choked on air and coughed strangely for a moment, me patting his back awkwardly. After a while he stood, clearing his throat. "Uh, yeah."

"We're here," he changed the subject, holding the door open for me as I stepped inside. It was warm and stuffy and smelled like moth-balls, but otherwise was a pretty homey place. The room was circular and painted in bright reds and greens, bamboo furniture circulating around a long desk where various people in vests were either conversing lightly or rushing through doors, barely hanging on to large mounds of scrolls and documents.

"I have to go back to the gates now - I'm still on duty," he said apologetically as he took a step back from the threshold, "But if you just go up those stairs over there, it should lead you down a hallway. Take the fourth right and tell them Kotetsu sent you," he placed my bags carefully at my feet and headed out the door. "They should send you straight to Sandaime-sama. Good luck!" And then he poofed away, leaving me glaring self-righteously at the patronizing cloud of ninja smoke. Damn shinobi and their hocus-pocus magic tricks... _I really need to learn how to do that_.

Finally, deciding I needed to actually do something with myself rather than stand in everyone's way, (the more distressed people looked just about ready to gnaw my head off with their teeth) I lugged my luggage as best I could across the room, idly pondering what the _hell _Jiraiya put in them to make them so damn... unwieldy. The staircase was near impossible to see from a distance - one of those awesome spiral ones that evil architects love to hide behind unnecessary corners and inconspicuous sinks in the wall from poor, unsuspecting little Kayas - but I managed to spot it and quickly ditched my stuff in an empty space under the first step, grabbing the blue scroll and kicking the rest out of sight.

I trotted up the stairs, grateful for the loss of extra weight and ran my fingers across the wall as I climbed - probably a developing habit, but whatever; It won't kill anyone. I peered out a window on the twentieth step to admire the view, letting it really sink in how beautiful a village could be. Even if it was, you know, fictional. Everything was just so real. _No wonder Tashi loves anime so much_, I mused. _This place is just... enchanting_.

A sudden pair of rushed footsteps alerted me to the frantic woman racing down the staircase, giving me but a seconds notice to catch my footing as she stopped dead two inches from my face, short blond hair tangling wildly across her scalp. I was about to side-step for her, thinking she was trying to get past me when she grabbed my arm roughly and dragged me up the rest of the stairs, panting and fidgeting all the way.

"Hey! What are you-?"

"You need to see Hokage-sama correct?" she shot out briskly, flying two steps at a time as her cold, clammy grip on my arm tightened.

I tripped after her, startled, "Ah - ow! Uh, yeah. Who-?"

"No time! Take my hand!"

I didn't even have time to inhale before the strange, upset woman crushed me against her uniform green vest and pressed a hand-seal against my back. In an instant, I felt like I was being squeezed upward through a small tube and shot upwards through a pipe, popping out next to Crazy Lady in a poof of white smoke in a whole other room.

"Sarutobi-sama, sir!" Crazy Lady saluted strictly, bowing stiffly and ignoring where I was spinning in circles, lost in my vertigo and sudden onslaught of nausea.

"Yes, Suka, thank you," came an old voice, "And who might this be?"

I had a nagging feeling that Old Guy was referring to me, so I quickly froze, shook the pinwheels out of my eyes and turned around cautiously to face the most magnificent looking man I'd ever seen.

Well, it wasn't really how he _looked_that was all that magnificent. It was just the aura he gave off, resonating wisdom and power all throughout the room. He adorned an odd hat - sort of triangular and red with the same symbol that doned the building - that draped royally over the sides of his face, liken to his white robes. His eyes were shaded and warm, age and knowledge practically laser-beaming from each, and his face was kind yet commanding, a small white beard pointing jaggedly from his chin and several dark age spots dotting the thin painted lines down his face - akin to those of Jiraiya's.

His pipe shifted as his thin lips cracked up in a smile at my stunned expression.

"Forgive me for being so blunt," his eyes sparkled in amusement, "but I am a busy man. Is there something I can do for you, miss?"

I immediately jumped into action.

"Oh! Yeah - uh, sorry - I mean, I'm here 'cause - uh - _fuck_ - oops! Sorry your highness! - or whatever - I just, uh -" I caught myself.

"Here," I squeaked and tossed the blue scroll to his desk. He caught it with amazing accuracy.

I shuffled uncomfortably as the Hokage rolled it open and read quietly, looking at everything but Crazy Lady (her glares were burning holes into my skull, I swear). A few moments passed in which I surveyed the room - circular, like the rest of the building, and laden with pictures and piles of scrolls. _Must suck to be him_, I thought as I inspected the paperwork strewn across his desk. A bird twittered outside the window and I twitched. _Damn nature_.

Mr. Hokage made a little '_hmmm_' sound and I looked up to see a surprised look on his face - not a '_OMG holy fuck,_' surprised, but more of an '_ah, what an unexpected occurrence_,' surprise. Finally, he nodded to himself and re-sealed the scroll, closing it up securely in a drawer.

"I see," his gravelly voice trailed over to me, "Well, Miss Kaya-San, I'm afraid I need you to do something for me..."

* * *

**A/N**: Cliffhanger! Sucky one but oh well ;)


	6. Chapter 5: Run For Your Soul!

**A/N: **I'm to lazy to write an authors note. Enjoy!

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Naruto or any of the characters in it. Yosh.

**Chapter 5 - Run For Your Soul!**

* * *

I tried to think of anything someone as important as the _Hokage_(or maybe he wasn't actually all that important - maybe I was blowing him out of proportion... but whatever) would want from poor, insignificant little me. My money? My service? My virtue (ACK! EW!)? My soul? Teehee... soul-eating old men...

"I would like you to perform th clone jutsu,"

Oh.

I gave him a hesitant nod and closed my eyes - confused, but willing to do anything that didn't involve soul-eating. I raised my hands to my face and formed the hand-seals (it was still hard for me - I sucked miserably at making them and took to long to finish - but I got by) feeling the Tingle rise up behind my belly-button. That's what I named it, by the way. _The Tingle_. It sounded cool - like something a creative reporter would name a pandemic. '_blah blah blah is sweeping the nation. Bring all children inside and keep your doors and windows locked at all times. Beware of _The Tingle!'

Anyway, the Tingle crawled its way through my veins, pinching a little as it sped up and filled every corner of my body. It was a cool feeling, but if I left it for too long it usually made my limbs numb - which was very inconvenient for training, you can imaging - so I let it circulate for a second, scanning my every cell and making an exact copy. Then, once I could hold it in no more, I let it spill out of me, poofing out in a cloud of grey smoke to my left.

Yeah... I haven't even accomplished proper _smoke_ yet.

But my clones were flawless. Why? Because seeing yourself outside of a mirror - living, breathing, speaking and all - is just _insane_. Being able to watch and hear myself talk was by far the coolest thing I've ever experienced. I swear the first time I did it I'd just sat there for hours, making myself make all sorts of stupid facial expressions and spout poetry to hear what my voice sounds like. It's not as high as it sounds in my head, believe it or not, and my _seductive voice_ wasn't actually all that bad - but the point is, I could do it. I liked to call her my alter ego - Emma.

Emma bowed formally and I followed her lead, humoring to appreciated my own good manners.

Mr. Hokage stood and walked over to my clone, inspecting her closely and scrutinizing every last detail. He was surprisingly fit for an old man, I realized - that is, not hunched over and drooling on a walker - and it made me nervous having someone with such obvious experience judging my poor little Emma.

"Kaya-San," he said, making my jump a little as I straightened up, "I assume you are informed in specific detail on the shinobi system, correct?"

He turned to me as my clone dispersed, watching me fidget nervously under his gaze. I wouldn't say '_Informed in detail_'... more like '_Inadequately sketchy'_ but the _Hokage_ was assuming, and I had a feeling I shouldn't argue. I nodded energetically.

"I see... it seems you have a good grip on chakra so far... Jiraiya-san trusts you, and as his former sensei I am obligated to trust his judgement- "

"_You're _Jiraiya's sensei?!" I clapped a hand over my mouth immediately, trying not to picture the old man in front of me with a giddy look on his face, instructing a little Jiraiya and pointing to a chalk-board diagram of the female anatomy.

Mr. Hokage must have had a good idea of what input I was getting - a sweat drop rolled down his forehead and he cleared his throat.

"Yes, I trained Jiraiya as a ninja when he was a genin. No matter, I will admit you into the Hidden Leaf Village as a temporary resident. As for a career as a shinobi... I will need to consult the council. Genin exams were wrapped up a few days ago and the teams have already been assigned..." he turned to Crazy Lady.

"Suka, please arrange Ms. Kaya a temporary residence card and civilian identification," he paced back towards his desk, calling out orders and pulling out a scroll, " Provide her an apartment in the guests unit and have it pre-paid for until such a time she can pay rent. Call Ikati-san and arrange a meeting with the council to discuss further..."

Suddenly I was being pushed out of the room while the Hokage muttered orders throughout the room, tripping as the giant door swung shut behing me and a peice of paper was shoved in my face.

"This is the address to your apartment," barked Crazy Lady barked as she formed familiar hand seals in quick succession. "You will be sent for when the council has decided upon your place-"

"_Upon my place?_ Am I being recruited into some sort of religion-?"

"- and you are to report to the landlord immediately," she sent me one last whithering glare before expertly poofing away, my luggage suspiciously propped up against the wall in her place. I mumbled irately and grabbed my back-pack, taking a peak at the address only to snap my head back up in a panic.

"Ah - hey, wait!" my eyes searched the hall desperately.

"_I CAN'T READ JAPANESE!_"

* * *

So, because I was utterly and hopelessly lost, I took the afternoon to backtrack my steps and observe the town some more, this time focusing more on the people. And there were some _strange_freaking people. Strange eyes, strange hair, strange clothes - but all of them seemed relatively nice. I was also in this period of time that I realized something excruciatingly depressing: everyone in this world was amazingly taller than me. Seriously, even the little kids were proportioned in a way that made it obvious I wasn't normal. _Everyone_ just towered above me. It was awful. A few people asked me if I needed help, however, but I - being the fantastically intelligent Queen of Ignorance - politely refused each time and trudged along with as much dignity as I could muster, dragging my bags along and setting an 'of course I know what I'm doing' air around myself. It wasn't until I ended up back at demon-child academy that I finally admitted to myself that I was lost.

I groaned in exhaustion and let the luggage fall over on its side while I plopped down by the fence and threw an arm over my eyes. This was absolutely and completely hopeless, now that I thought about it. I might as well just live in a tree...

I opened my eyes and observed the trees surrounding the field, lifting my head off the ground and sizing up the thick branches.

...Nah.

But it's really either ask for help and admit I can't read (which could, after all, be a fatal weakness as a ninja should anyone find out... okay, that was an excuse) or come up with a creative alternative. Like living in a hole in the floor. Or building myself and evil liar. Out of... leaves... yeah.

"Hey you!"

"Why are you lying on the floor?"

"What's wrong with you?!"

"Come play with uuuusss!"

A little volcano went off in my head as I froze in fear and absorbed the nasally voices of doom.

_Demon Children_.

I immediately jumped up and made to grab at my bags, but it was too late. A crowd of ridiculously fit looking ninja kids were huddled in a circle around my panicking form, poking and prodding at my dirt-caked body and strange clothes.

I realized just then how dirty I actually was and reached a finger up to my face, swiping a sample of dust and soil off my cheek and internally smacking myself in the head.I'd gone to see the Hokage looking like _this_?! I must look like a homeless perso-

Oh yeah...

A little girl with spiky orange hair in pigtails scowled at me menacingly for attracting all the attention, "You're weird. I don't like you."

"Yeah, me neither!"

"You're all gross!"

"Hey!" I straightened up indignantly, "I've been training nonstop for, like, a million years! So all you little bastards can just shove it!"

I'm not so great with kids, by the way.

"_You're _a ninja?" the little red-headed ringleader mocked looked me up and down, intimidating even at her 4'5''. "I don't think so."

I bowed my head and went into a little self-depression. Even a little squirt thinks I'm bad...

"What's in the backpack? Ohhhh!"

My head snapped back up again and I dived over my bags protectively, growling angrily at the hoard of nosy kids.

"None of your business!... friggin' midgets..." I grabbed my things off the floor and scrambled into a standing position, wincing a little at the weight but determined to stay cool, "Nosy little... aren't you all supposed to be, like, chucking lethal weaponry at each other? Get lost and let Big Sister Kaya do her thing."

A little boy with dark brown hair dangling in front of his face stuck out his tongue, "You're not my big sister!"

"She's mean! GET HER!"

"_Fuck!_" I squeaked, swinging my crap over one shoulder. They all shouted out little demon-kid battle cries as I took off running in a very un-promising direction, about fifteen midgets speeding at my heels.

Situation I Never Thought I'd Be In # 362:

Chased by ninja children through a ninja village, homeless.

And these little bitches were _fast _too. I turned a sharp corner into an open path with happy shops and market booths lining the road and skidded across the dirt, darting through a very surprised crowd.

"'Scuse me! Pardon me! - ah - _WATCH OUT_!" I tumbled through a particularly unhappy couple as people separated to make way for the jeering kids. A few minutes went by where I continued to try and shout warnings to the blurred figures and colors in the trampling zone, but I soon gave up and settled for trying to continue surviving.

"Ahh! - Out of the way! _Demon Spawn attack!_"

I think a few people might have taken me seriously by the looks on their faces, but they were either diving out of the way or standing on the sidelines, shaking their heads in that '_Oh those adventurous young'n's...'_ way that adults have. Seriously! Did they not see that I was about to _die_? Or did this sort of thing happen often? Dear lord, I need to get out of this pla-

"_Ah_!"

I was suddenly sprawled out on top of something annoyingly bright and squishy any my sharply pounding head was pressed up against a big hulk of orange. I took a moment to blink away my disorientation and acknowledge the pained grunt from under my racing heart before gasping and leaping up, taking the orange boy with me.

"Hey! What're you- "

"No time!" I panted, hurriedly wiping off the dirt I'd smeared all over the boy's orange suit. I didn't really take the leisure time to look at his face (let alone ponder why in the world he was wearing an orange suit - in broad sunlight no less) but I had enough sense to take advantage of this new development.

I glanced behind me anxiously, jumped at the fantastically decreasing distance between me and the Demon Kids and grabbed Orange Boy's shoulders, spinning us around so that he was placed in front of me as my human shield.

"Hey! What - ah!" he caught sight of the charging stampede.

"Distract them with your clothes! The Children of the Corn are drawn to bright colors!" I pushed him forward and spun around, taking off again with my luggage jumbling at my sides. I ran for my _soul._

"But - _ahhhh!_"

And I didn't look back as I mourned the loss of such a brave soldier.

* * *

It had taken me a whole ten minutes to recuperate from both the run and the mental trauma of my encounter with the Demon Kids before I'd actually crushed my pride into a dark, rotting corner of my mind and started thinking logically - get inside, lock all windows and doors, take a shower. So after finally scrambling up to some obese lady in a park and getting proper directions, I did just that.

It turned out that the guests unit wasn't at all far from the Hokage building in the first place. It was a tall, homey building with a flat roof and lots of windows. Because it was a guest facility, the apartment they gave me was already furnished and fully stalked with foreign food I was afraid to touch. I was _really_ looking forward to a cheeseburger too...

No matter, I stepped out of the shower, finally a squeaky clean I thought I'd never see in a mirror again, and shook the water out of my hair contently, scrunching up my toes on the wooden floor. It was oddly relaxing to be in an unfamiliar place - like being in a hotel or a vacation spot. The air smelled clean and it just eased all the tension away. I didn't bother towel-drying my hair and let it drip onto the floor as I plopped down on the bed on my stomach, marveling at its softness.

_Never thought I'd see one of _these_ again!_ I thought happily.

The evening sky dulled through the bedroom window as I dozed off, never even summoning the energy to get under the covers. My hand dangled lifelessly over the side of the bed as my eyes finally drooped shut, finally overcome with exhaustion.

Of course, however, things never quite work out well for me, so it was by sheer crappy luck that my fingers twitched at the last second and brushed something coarse.

(insert God choir '_aaaaah_'s) The Backpack that survives everything!

In all honesty, I hadn't gathered the courage to take a peek at what Jiraiya put in the bags he gave me and had dumped them on a coffee table before throwing out my undignified clothes, but I hadn't really thought about what I might still have in _my _bag. If my cell phone was still there, it would be a fun experiment to see if it worked. I rolled over in my robe grumpily, trying to push the urge out of my mind, but it kept tugging at my brain tendrils and nagging my to check. So, reluctantly, I rolled over the other way and lazily lifted the bag into my lap, rubbing the persistent fog out of my eyes. The black color had long since faded and the rough material was worn and frayed, but it somehow managed to stay in one piece during my years of abuse - I wasn't one to deem it unworthy. I unzipped the first pocket and dumped its contents in front of me, sweeping away some pencil shavings as I examined my things.

It was so strange, seeing ordinary, everyday objects again - pens, my wallet, an old fakr lip-ring I'd used to freak my grandma out once, a ruler - that day I'd left for school like any other morning seemed so long ago, now...

I carefully lifted my four-leaf clover wallet, twisting and turning it delicately in my hands. There were only four dollars in it - four dollars I'd previously reserved for buying myself a frightening-looking lunch - and a business card for a pizza delivery service. I smiled as I recalled calling them and continuously requesting to speak to 'Bob', whom I was '_so sure had said this was his number_' and relentlessly insisting that it was his cousin Vinny playing a prank on me. I shook my head and giggled a little. _Good times..._

A white corner sticking out from one of the pockets caught my eye and I instinctively pulled it out in order to fix the position, freezing when I saw what it was.

_Tashi... Grandma... Dad..._

It was an old family picture from the year we'd moved to Florida together. The four of us were huddled closely in front of our new townhouse, one of the movers snapping the picture for us as we recorded the first moment of our new '_adventure_'. Tashi had been seven then and her round pink face grinned up at the camera, bouncing blond curls spiralling wildly out of her scalp. My nine-year0old self stood next to her timidly, offering a small smile and tugging at my shirt nervously. I recalled not wanting to start a new school and being scared out of my skull that everyone would think I was weird for skipping a grade. Dad stood tall and proud, on the other hand, grinning childishly and waving at the camera, his other hand patting my head and his face tilted to the side playfully. Grandma wasn't looking at the camera, though. She had her trademark distant look look on, staring off into the distance at something only her bright blue eyes could see...

The realization hit me like a brick and I suddenly reeled backwards into the wall, dropping the picture onto the bed and slapping a hand to my mouth. It finally occurred to me - this wasn't some sort of sick sleepover that I would eventually come home from. I was at this second being signed as a _resident_ of this place. I might never leave... I could never get home.

I was suddenly overwhelmingly homesick and had to tighten my grip in order to keep the lump in my throat from spilling out of my tear ducts. What did they all think happened to me? Were they worried? Was I causing them pain? I wanted to shoot myself - I wanted to sob and weep and cry and do all that stupid hysterical crap - but something in me wouldn't allow it. Like if I let any tears fall out it would be some sort of surrender - an admission that this was real.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, only succeeding in drawing in air shakily. I was so confused. How did any of this even happen? Was I just in a coma? No, my hallucinations wouldn't be this organized. I opened my eyes again and continued to stare at the picture, afraid to touch it but afraid to tear my eyes away. I lifted it up carefully after a while and stood on the bed, tucking the side into a tile on the ceiling so that I could look at it until I fell asleep. This way I wouldn't forget...

I ended up taking my pillow and sleeping on the couch that night. The stars really were too bright here.


	7. Chapter 6: Of Frightening Beginnings

**A/N: ***cowers behind computer desk* Oh my god... I am _so _sorry for not updating. You don't even know - school has been absolutely kicking my ass. Like, kicking, punching, and burying it alive. But it's Winter Break now so I promise I'll make it up to you! I'm going on a trip later this week to Washington DC (yay! presidents and history! wootness!) and I'm bringing my notebook so I can spend the whole time writing everywhere I go. Okay? So please don't kill me? ENJOY THIS LOVELY LONG CHAPTER!!

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Naruto or any of the characters in it. Yosh.

* * *

**Chapter 6 - Of Frightening Beginnings**

The morning that followed must have been just about the most depressing morning of my life. I didn't even have the energy to get up - I just rolled over and stared despairingly out the balcony window from the couch. Some kind of horrible devil bird was squawking it's little head off and my hands were itching to go outside and strangle it, (Seriously. I've never felt so murderously towards any living thing in my entire life as much as I was toward this bird) but everything felt so _heavy_. I really might as well have been a little less active than a chunk of lead, but a small, rotting corner of my brain was nagging me to take my depression in stride. Surely I would need to get up and eat, right? Or clean? Or unpack? Or strangle a bird? It felt like I should be doing _something_, but my body was just too plugged with grief. I closed my eyes and sighed. A distraction is what I needed. Something productive that would chip away at the rock in my stomach...

Creative Outlet: Switch on!

...

Any second now...

Alright, I guess pep-talking was a stupid idea considering the situation. I could really preach all I want about relieving the horrible pit of loneliness, but it wouldn't drag my ass off this couch.

'_If I can find something productive to do,'_ I thought to myself quietly, '_Then I'll find a way to make a cheeseburger tonight.'_

A light bulb went off in my head and my feet swung themselves off the furniture.

_Ha! _I win!

I gathered my balance quickly and rubbed the sleep out of my eyes as I made my way towards the bedroom. It was really strange, I realized, having my own apartment. Nice, since I didn't have to worry about about people going through my shit (when I eventually _have_shit, that is) but strange. It made me feel... responsible. (Insert eerie shiver). Anyway, hopefully they would have some sort of appropriate article of clothing I could wear into the village - they had some funny people here but I'm pretty sure it still wouldn't fly to walk around in a robe. I made a point not to look anywhere near the ceiling as I strode purposefully to the closet, swinging the door open a little more violently then I probably should have. Or course it was completely empty anyways, so I was ultimately forced to waste a good twenty minutes of my life dissecting the entire apartment for clothes. I sped around the room at lightning-speed, throwing things around and digging through little inconspicuous cabinets, muttering curses to myself.

"_Dear mother of crack_," I finally panted, collapsing back onto the couch and kicking my feet up onto the coffee table. "They had the sense to fill up a fridge in case the guest got hungry, but left the closet empty! I'd seriously rather be dressed and hungry than bloated and naked." I shivered. "This sucks."

The more I thought about it later, of course, it was actually very sensible not to provide clothes. I mean, what if it didn't match the guests' style? Or got ruined and had to be paid for? Or was the wrong size? But at the moment I was just trying to justify those poor, wasted twenty minutes so just ignore me. What was I thinking about again?

Anyway, I glared through my eyelashes at nothing in particular while I assessed the situation. I could probably make a sash of sorts with the bed sheets, but that would be like walking around in a toga (which was stupid). I had an old bobbin of thread in my backpack from Home-Ec. class, but without a needle it would be useless-

_(Snap!)_ The bags!

Those ugly bags that I loathed and despised for their impractical weight for a whole day and hadn't even thought about properly until I had to drag them through my little goose-chase yesterday! (_Shiver_.) Never again... But the bags! Surely Jiraiya would have left me a T-shirt that wasn't assaulted with bacteria, right? I shot up from my seat a little too quickly and flipped over the edge of the couch, landing ungracefully on my head, but recovered quickly enough and scrambled over to the deserted duffel's. I poked one suspiciously, just to make sure it didn't contain something that moved (although if it was in fact something that moved, I mused, it would almost certainly be dead by now) before carefully reaching over and unzipping it a little, leaning my face back for any possible surprise attacks.

It was just then that an eerily familiar _poof_vibrated into existence over my left shoulder and a tap of feet landing on wood echoed throughout the room. My heart stopped beating and I was suddenly a statue carved out of ice. _What the fuck_...

"Kaya-san. I am to escort you to a formal meeting of the Konohagakure council-"

"Oh God, it's JASON!"

The freaky masked man tilted his head quizzically as I screeched a battle cry and used my meager strength to fling the nearest flingable object at his head. He dodged it without even a flinch, of course, but that didn't keep me from throwing myself behind the coffee table and hyperventilating in panic.

"Don't touch me! I know ten different forms of Tae Kwan Do and can break your spine with my pinkie toe and-" A gloved hand clapped over my mouth as Mr. Mask crouched stoically down to my height. Now that I looked closer, the mask sort of resembled more of a teddy bear as opposed to a murderous hockey mask - but it was a very threatening teddy bear so we don't have to talk about it. A slightly more impatient male voice muffled out from under the face-concealer once more.

"I assure you that I am not this one named '_Jason_'. Please cooperate - I am to immediately escort you to a formal meeting of the-"

"Oh my, you didn't have to sneak up on me, Teddy!" I patted his head fondly and his shoulders slumped in defeat. I grinned. "I have nothing to wear. Do you think you could take off your Jason mask and _'Serial Killer_' me some clothes?"

Teddy pointed silently over to the corner we had previously occupied. Blinking, I looked over his shoulder to see the choice, pitiful looking flingable object lying haphazardly on the floor, now toppled over with its contents bursting out. My first thought was that I had absolutely hopeless aim, but after a second I was able to gape in realization.

_Huh,_ a smile crept onto my lips,_So Jiraiya has some taste after all_.

* * *

"Kaya-san. It is not wise to keep the council waiting-"

"Oh shove it Teddy, I'm done. If ninjas wore pantyhose I swear yours would be _ridiculously _far up your ass," I stepped out of the bathroom and twirled around, immensely glad for the first time that my lecher of a sensei paid attention to women. "What do you think?"

The pants were simple black cargo's with lots of pockets that stopped about mid-calve. There was also this black and white leg-band thing that had been pinned on to like, every article of clothing accommodated to the lower extremities, but it still looked pretty cool. Alright, it was totally cool - a gang symbol, perhaps? Did I have homies I didn't know about? But that's not the point. Anyway, the shirt was just a plain white tank-top that hugged my belly. I didn't typically wear things that 'hugged' anything so it felt sort of odd, but I had to say - it was cute, simple, inexpensive, and inconspicuous. What more could I ask for?

Teddy didn't even turn around. "You are presentable. Please step forward so we may leave."

I puffed up angrily, "What do you have against me? _You're_ the one that almost gave me a stroke!"

He didn't even budge, staring (or what I assumed to be staring, at least) at the door in apprehension. I suddenly felt very nervous.

"Hey..." I crept forward shyly and reached up to tap his shoulder - he didn't even look like he was breathing. "Is this council really that scary?" I imagined a dark, shadowy group of people in cloaks, sacrificing a young maiden looking remarkably like me over an angrily churning volcano.

Finally he shifted, turning to meet my gaze with tense, painted beads of eyes, "They are powerful, yes. You must not speak out of line, Kaya-san. It is not your place to do so."

And with those short words, it suddenly hit me just how important this would be - that whatever this council was would very well decide whether I would stay in this village or not - even more so, whether I lived or died. I couldn't simply charge in there and demand to know who and where that Naruto kid was and make myself all cosy and settled. I couldn't afford to be off guard. A grim determination washed over me and I set my expression as hard as I could without looking ridiculous.

"Alright Teddy," I held out my hand for him to do his stupid teleport-thing. "Let's do this.

* * *

I could only vaguely hear the resounding _'poof'_explode from out bodies as we popped into existence. The room was dim even though it was day, but I still had to blink and try to compose the pinwheels I had for eyes. I didn't have long to catch my breath or stumbling feet before Teddy bowed out from my side and a door was shut. _Crap_, I thought as I scanned the room, trying desperately to adjust to the new environment. I could just make out a window with the blinds drawn and a table with three quietly assessing figures seated at its perimeter. I squinted. I'd expected a big court room with a looming jury or something, but the air was just as hellishly tense as it would have been in my suspenseful fantasies._Crap crap crap crap cra-_

"This is her, Sarutobi? Such a little thing - looks like a fool."

I was suprised that the voice was that of an elderly woman, but more so offended. I'd only been in the room for like, what? Five whole seconds? I wrestled down my irritation and swallowed, bowing low from what I would tell was a scrutinizing glare, determined to show what I could offer.

"Good morning, your - er - Councilwoman," I stumbled politely, trying my hardest not to further her harsh first impression. I may be loud, unfocused, and decidedly inappropriate in some situations, but I am no fool. Bitch.

The woman's eyes, which I could only just distinguish now in her solemn, droopy face, narrowed suspiciously. I internally grinned. Mhmm.

"Indeed..." came another elderly, and if possible, even more solemn male voice. It really made me wonder if this entire government was made up of retirement-home breakouts. "And your name, young woman?"

I straightened my spine and tilted my chin up with a confidence I didn't have. "Kaya, Sir."

"Kaya Sur?" Came the old woman, frowning even deeper. "I am not familiar with this surname. Are you of foreign origin?"

"Oh! No, I didn't mean-" but I was silenced by a warning glance from the Hokage - his presence still made me self-conscious. "Er- yes. It's a small village in southern country..." I finished quickly, clearing my throat. "You've probably never heard of it. We're very inconspicuous."

"I see. And what brings you to the aspiration of becoming a shinobi of Konohagakure? Have you no kin in this village of yours?"

It took all of my strength not to fidget. "I lived with my father, ma'am. He passed away-" I closed my eyes in what could have passed for grief. _God forbid_, "- not too long ago. I want to become a ninja to protect my little sister. I was attempting to train myself when Jiraiya sensei found me. I promise with all of my heart I will become a strong asset to your shinobi force - if you'll have me, that is." There. Simple, believable, totally cliched, and all utter lies, lies, lies. I'd always hated lying. I'd like to say it was because I'm a good person or a holy saint or something like that, but truthfully (no pun intended), it was mostly because I'm lazy. Seriously, lying is a hell of a lot of work. You have to go through all the trouble of keeping it; so much time wasted. It's totally not worth it. I should probably have thought out that they might want me to prove my story, but surprisingly, Councilwoman changed topic before I could.

"You say young Jiraiya-san found you? He has trained you, yes?"

I really wasn't comfortable with that question - I typically liked to have all the blanks filled in before I stepped into a situation, and there was definitely a generous lack of information in my knowledge of ninjas, but it was now or never.

Also, it occured to me that these people must be _really _old to refer to _Jiraiya_ as young.

"Briefly," I replied, still trying to keep my legs steady and my speech articulate. How could such old people be so intimidating?

The two elderly councils shared a grim look that I didn't quite understand and nodded to each other. The Hokage smiled assuringly my way and relief washed over me. Was it over already?

"Just one more thing," the old woman stood, her companion following her lead as she took a step toward me. I mentally flinched at her powerful presence but kept my posture steady. It wasn't that hard considering my feet felt like large blocks of cement anyway.

She leaned forward and stared my right in the eye, "Be aware that you will be watched, Sur-san. You are at the disposal of this council. You belong to us now." And with that, the two elderly rulers swept by me and out the door, leaving me to stare, wide-eyed into space.

A moment of silence settled around us, almost emphasizing the dramatic exit. After a while the Hokage cleared his throat and smiled kindly, snapping me out of my stiff trance.

"Kaya-san. how old did you say you were?"

My shoulders relaxed a little and I unclasped my hands (which I didn't remember clasping, by the way) while I regained some of the blood in my face. "Thirteen, Sir."

"Ahh..." he tapped his pipe thoughtfully, his Kage-hat tipping over his face a bit. "I suspected as much. I'm afraid that teams have already been assigned for this year's nin-graduates, as you've already been informed, so for the time being I've decided to place you as a fourth member on one of the standard three-man teams as opposed to sending you to the academy with the younger children..." He paused and wrote something down on a scroll I hadn't realized was there while I shifted uneasily, "Though I must warn you, your new sensei is a bit... eccentric..."

"That's okay!" I piped up immediately at the clearing atmosphere. "I'll take whatever you can give me, Mr. Hokage!"

He looked up at me carefully and chuckled softly. "Very well, then. I've placed you on team..."

I leaned forward anxiously. What team would I be on? Would I be able to meet that Naruto guy? Would he know a way for me to get home?

"...Gai."

...

I blinked. That definitely didn't ring any bells. Wait... _Guy_?

I raised my hand timidly. "Uh... Mr. Hokage - I'm a girl."

He looked confused for a second, then exploded into rich laughter. It was a deep, gravelly, throaty sound that made his pipe fall out of his mouth and caused me to shuffle my feet, embarrassed. I always tried to be respectful to people in power (excluding perverts like Jiraiya and creepy masked teddy-bear stalkers) - especially someone as obviously great as the man in front of me - but it was odd to see him so carefree. Then again, I mused, he _was _Jiraiya's sensei...

He suddenly straightened up and glanced at the clock, replacing his pipe and turning to face me.

"Gai is the name of your new sensei, Kaya-san - and if he received my message, he should be here with his genins in about ten-"

_**BOOM!**_

The door of the conference room was suddenly on the floor and a plethora of incensed fog crowded the doorway. I yelped pathetically and threw myself behind the Hokage's chair.

A monotonous, muffled voice carried through the smoke, "..._that was completely unnecessary_."

The shuffle of feet indicated another presence. "_Lee! What in the world _was_ that?!_"

A louder, much clearer and boyish voice bounded out from behind them, "My dear Tenten! It is essential we make a dramatically _youthful_ entrance in order to welcome our new friend-"

_"LEE!"_

I yelped again, biting my tongue and burring myself beside the Hokage's feet under the table, hiding my face between my hands in fright. _Who the fuck _are _these guys?!_

The Hokage sighed and rubbed his temples as the booming voice continued to... well... _boom_ on about manners and conduct. I'd tuned back in to reality just in time to catch the sounds of weeping men and an inconspicuous cough. My brain couldn't exactly process this, so I decided to group it in as a delusion caused from lack of sleep. And stress. _Lots_ of stress.

"We're sorry, Hokage-sama. Lee's just excited," said the girl again. There were sounds of shuffling feet and clothes ruffling - I assumed she was bowing.

"Of course, Tenten-san," the Hokage replied, looking down at me and shaking his head. "However, it is probably best if you speak a little less animatedly. It seems you gave Kaya-san quite a fright."

The shuffling and fidgeting in the room stopped immediately. "She's here? Where is she?"

He leaned down and patted me encouragingly, signalling me to stand. I squeezed my eyes shut and rose slowly, turning to face the strange crowd. _Here goes_...

Silence. Then, "She's so... _little!_"

My eyes snapped open. "Hey! I am _not_ little - I'm a good five-foot - _woah._"

I stared. I stared for a good long time. _Green_ was my first thought. Two forms stood side-by-side by the suddenly uncovered window, shedding brilliant sunlight onto the vibrant color. Huge bug eyes, shiny bowl-cuts, Brazil- sized eyebrows, and teeth so white they almost offset the balance of facial color-schemes. It wasn't hard to figure out _that_ situation (if you could look long enough without going blind, that is). "_Eccentric_" sensei and

a) Son.

or

b) Freakishly obsessive student.

_Joy_.

The other boy was relatively normal looking. Except for his hair, which was way too long and tied loosely behind him. And his face looked like a porcelain doll - he almost looked like a girl if I squinted. And his expression was completely blank (scary). And he had no pupils. As I said, relatively normal.

Then there was the girl, who I automatically clung to.

"Sorry to bother you," I whispered as I used her as a human shield, "But the weirdness is too much."

The girl giggled, her brown buns jiggling atop her head as I shifted further behind her, three sets of eyes probing me uncomfortably. She turned herself to face me so she could scrutinize me herself.

After a minute, she smiled and reached out her hand, "I'm Tenten. It's nice to meet you Kaya-chan!"

I smiled back timidly. "Nice to meet you too. Uh..." I turned to the others awkwardly. "...hi."

The boy in the green jumpsuit immediately jumped to my side, "Kaya-chan! It is my most sincere pleasure to welcome you into the arms of Konoha's Beautiful Green Beast!" he pointed at me dramatically. I flinched. "You are indeed..." Pause. Then, out of nowhere, little clouds of fluff poof-ed up around us. "_SO KAWAII!_" and I was promptly crushed into a bone-shredding hug.

"Ah! Let- let go!" I grunted, my lungs constricting painfully. Holy _crap_ this kid was strong! And I was entirely sure I didn't want to know what '_kawaii_' meant.

My face had tinted purple when I felt two ridiculously large hands pry me away from green-town like a limp rag-doll and hold me in the air by my shoulders.

"Yes, young Kaya! Welcome to team Gai!" came Big-Green's boom, adding to my barely-conscious vertigo. I was sure all this spinning could not possibly be good for my health.

"Lee! Gai-sensei! You're hurting her!" Tenten pleaded worriedly. As if on cue, my head rolled back limply and I forgot how to support it's weight with my neck.

"Oh! Gai-sensei, we must be gentle with Kawaii-Kaya's slight frame!"

"I... I'm not-" I was suddenly dropped back to Earth. "-_Oomph!_... slight."

"Gai, please be careful with your new student," the Hokage said nervously, lifting his hands in an anxious gesture. "She's had a rough few days, so just take it easy."

The Green Man smiled blindingly and lifted his gigantic hand into a dramatic thumbs-up, "Have no worries, Sarutobi-sama! Young Kaya-chan will experience the gentle waves of warmth and welcome lift her into the current of _youthfulness_!"

Two strong, but slightly less gigantic hands lifted me vertically into the air again and held me over what I assumed to be Green-Boy's shiny head.

"So we shall begin training immediately!"

"Hey! What about _gentle_?!" But it was too late. My last glimpse of the conference room contained a helpless looking Hokage waving awkwardly and two appalled looking teammates as I was abruptly _fwooshed _out of the building. I could already feel a _big_ headache coming on.

* * *

After an unnecessary amount of begging and shouting about youth, the Tenten girl had finally convinced the Lee-kid to put me down and walk like normal people, using the argument that stretching out our legs before training would help me warm up. She was quite pretty, I'd realised as soon as we started a casual conversation , me trying to ignore everyone else for the sake of my mental trauma capacity. She had really nice features, but didn't bask in them like some conceited beauty queen. In fact, she was probably the prettiest tom-boy I'd ever met, which only made me like her more. The only catch, I realized once we'd arrived at the training grounds, was that she threw around weapons like a homicidal maniac. Seriously.

Gai-sensei had told me to sit and stretch by some beat up old stumps I assumed were used for kicking practice while Green-Kid and Tenten sparred, quite literally tearing up the open clearing.

I watched, dumbstruck mid-stretch as Lee did some kind of triple-impossible-gymnastics move out into the sky as Tenten threw one of those funny knife things at him. I lost my balance and fell over when she pulled a crossbow.

"_Dear Lord_," I whispered to myself, awed as I rubbed the dirt off my face. "Where does she put it all?!"

I'm pretty sure I developed a tumor when she conjured a gigantic scythe.

Lee jumped into the air as Tenten swung the blade at his feet, "Ah, Tenten! Your choice in weaponry is as fine as ever!"

He charged at her with a kick so fast I couldn't even see it. She blocked it almost easily with the handle and sent him flying backwards. He flipped with agile grace and landed lightly on his feet like nothing happened.

"Thanks!" she flipped the blade face up and slammed the handle mercilessly into the ground, causing an effective trench in the soil. Lee rolled out of the way. "I got this one last week! The handle's made of pine and the blade's so thin! It's completely lightweight!"

They continued to converse casually as they faught, moving with impossible speed and sending me into a full blown panic. I watched, stricken as they continued to attempt murdering one another.

"Gai-sensei!" I whisper-yelled to him. He stood up from his count of five-hundred-and-something sit-ups to acknowledge me with way too much enthusiasm.

"What is it I may do for you, young Kaya?!"

"Aren't you, like- eep!" A crash from behind me made me bury my face in my hands. "Aren't you afraid they're going to like, _kill each other?!_"

I ducked in time to dodge a stray arrow. Gai laughed heartily.

"Oh Kaya-chan! Have no fear, I have trained my students to fight and _win_! They are in no danger of each other!"

Perhaps he didn't notice the frightening diversity of sharp objects flying through the air a few meters away.

I crouched down and hid behind a boulder hopelessly. _An asylum. You all belong in an asylum._

A few minutes went by when all I could manage was a squeak of fear here and there at appropriate intervals, letting the crazy people do their thing. It didn't last forever, of course. Soon enough, an eerie growl made its way to my ears. I looked up to fine Freaky-Eyes glaring down at me from atop the rock, chilling me to my very core.

"Uh... sup?"

He continued to glare at me menacingly, leaving a lengthy, suspenseful pause before answering, "You're interrupting my meditation."

I was almost suprised at his deep voice (I was half-expecting it to be high and womanly) but was a little more pissed than anything.

"Eh? I haven't even said anything!"

I could have sworn I'd seen a vein pop out by his left eye, but it receded as quickly as I'd noticed it. Suddenly he scowled at me, baring his (perfect) teeth and all.

"Your chakra bothers me." He turned away again, wiping his face completely blank. "Go away."

I stared at his back, astonished. Was this kid on his fucking period or something? Suddenly the ninja wars going on in the clearing was of no big concern. I twitched and felt my face heat up angrily as I stubbornly (albeit clumsily) climbed up the rock, plopping down annoyingly close to him Indian-style and burning holes into the side of his face with my stare. His expression never faltered, but the small tensing of his shoulders was enough to alert me of my small victory.

"Oh really?" I leaned in even farther, forcefully pushing down the warning bells going off in my head. "And am I bothering you _now_?"

His eyebrow twitched and I had to fight down an evil grin.

Oh the advantages of playing bipolar!

I was just about to declare my win when a clipped, monotonous voice caught me off guard. "Your breath smells terrible."

I spluttered stupidly, face flushing an angry red while inconspicuously leaping away from him and trying to check my breath. After a few seconds' success, I pointed at him accusingly, "IT DOES NOT! You're just being an asshole!"

There was silence for a long time and I realized I was being stared at. Not only this, but it seemed that Lee and Tenten had called off their fight quite some time ago. _Shit_, I ducked my head quickly and started mumbling incoherently. _So much for first impressions_... Someone coughed and I looked up to find three _very_amused ninjas. Tenten looked like she might just explode into laughter.

Gai coughed again as Neji went back to meditating, completely unperturbed, "Yes, well... I think it is time we put young Kaya's skills to the test! Lee!"

"Hai, Gai-sensei!" I cried out when Lee's voice came from behind me and promptly _oomph_ed when I was (once again) lifted into a bone-crushing embrace and carried into the clearing.

"Agh - hey, _Kid_!" I choked as he finally put me down, looking down at me the way a five-year-old might look at a puppy. "I need air to _breath_. Along with my lungs, actually. Both would be nice."

"Forgive me, Kawa-Kaya! I forget you are so fragile - I will go easy on you for our first spar!"

I blinked. Did Green-Kid just... give me a _nickname_? And _did he just say-_

"_BEGIN!_"

* * *

It was late afternoon when the Hokage was able to finally recline at his desk peacefully, allowing himself a moment of peaceful leisure time to look out the window and admire his beautiful village. He was just about to lift his piping hot cup of tea to his lips when the door burst open loudly, causing him to jump in surprise and spin around in his seat, alarmed. There I stood, panting like crazy with my hair disheveled and a variety of bruises and scratches coating my skin. I charged in immediately and slammed my fist on the wooden desk, demanding furiously I be put on another team.

Okay, that's not entirely true. I'd actually had to wait at the front desk for a full two hours and poke cautiously at my various wounds until Crazy Suka finally came to disdainfully escort me to the Hokage's office. Then I'd had to politely knock and try to fix my hair and clothes so that I didn't look like a complete psyco before creeping through the double-doors carefully as to not disturb whatever he was doing. However, for theatrics' sake, we'll say I charged in and demanded furiously to be put on another team.

"Kaya-san, please calm down," the Hokage said sighing as he layed down his untouched tea and looked up at me patiently. Something told me he already had a pretty good idea what went down. "What is this you say about being changed teams?"

"Mr. Hokage, Sir! They tried to kill me! One second he was like, hugging me so hard my brain was popping out my ears and the next he's all - _WABAM!_ And then I was like, '_Ahhh! Stop chasing me!_' and he was like _'Youth! Kawaii! Punch kick BAM!_' and-" I inhaled deeply to try and calm myself, pacing up and down, disturbed. "I would never bother you like this Mr. Hokage and I know you've seen enough of me today but this is something I'm _very_concerned about!" I turned to him, my eyes wide and frightened. "I don't think I'll leave my next training session with all of my limbs attached!"

He said nothing throughout my panicked ramble, simply nodding his head appropriately and closing his eyes as he considered this. It frightened me a bit that none of this came as a surprise to him. "Very well... I thought it might turn out this way. I probably should have considered your own experience level when sticking you into a slightly older age group." He finally looked up at me, a hint of a smile creeping onto his wise face. "I had a backup plan, however. Have no worries, Kaya-san. You will be assigned a new team by tomorrow." He looked down to a pile of papers on the far side of his desk, me leaning over discreetly to try and read, only to slump back dissapointedly when it was in kanji. "Although, please do take into account that this will be the last time I can move you around, young lady. There are many people in this village I must take care of - I don't have the time to attend to your every request."

I looked down, ashamed. "Of course, sir, I understand."

He nodded his head and sat up straight, smiling his kindest smile, eyes twinkling bright. "With that said, I will now place you on..."

I looked up.

"Team Seven."

_That _rung some bells. And suddenly, I had a nagging feeling I wouldn't get around to making that cheeseburger anytime soon.


	8. Chapter 7: Mission No 1

**A/N: **This chapter is to celebrate the end of those grueling midterms! And for those who have them next week, you have my sincerest good wishes! Anyway, I was kind of nervous about this chapter because so much goes on... be prepared! On the bright side, I can finally _really_get this story going now. So yay! Enjoy =]

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Naruto or any of the characters in it. Yosh.

* * *

**Chapter 7 - Mission No. 1: Surviving Team Seven!**

_Knock! Knock! Knock!_

I twisted over irritably and kicked my legs, feebly succeeding in burying my face in the crook of the couch. I silently took a precious moment to curse my sore body and the terrible annoying onomatopoeia's of life. There was a long silence and I almost fell asleep again, but soon enough, another noise made it's way from the balcony, the slightest bit more persistent.

_Tap! Tap! Tap!_

"Go away..." I grumbled, tangling my limbs into the sheets. I swear to God that bird is going to suffer...

_Tap! Tap! Tap!_

I lifted my head off the armrest, cringing from the soreness in my neck. My eyes were glued shut as I addressed the window.

"I'm sorry Tweetie, maybe you didn't hear me. I believe I told you to GET THE FUCK OFF MY HOUSE." My head dropped gracelessly with a thud.

...

"...So my name is _Tweetie_, now? I imagined you could be more creative-"

"_Holy-!_" I jumped about five feet into the air, tumbling in a heap and crashing to the floor in front of two sandalled feet.

"Dude!" I kicked the sheets off, quickly jumping back to glare up at him. "How do you keep getting in here?! I locked that window!"

"I am an ANBU operative," his voice sounded low and bored, his Teddy Bear mask tilting forward quizzically. "A locked window will not keep me at bay."

I pouted and aimed for a particularly nasty kick to his head. I sucked, so he caught it easily and let it drop to the floor, really seeming uncharacteristically at ease.

"Tch." I tore my leg away, flinching again at the ugly ache. "I see someone's in a good mood today..."

I imagined his lips twitching up sarcastically behind that stupid shield, "And I see someone's not."

"Ugh." I immediately gave up on the angry bitch tirade and plopped down on my back, letting my eyes droop shut. "You got that right. _You_weren't chased around by Dumbledore's malformed-bowl-cut-offspring." I rolled my head to face him, "Why are you here again?"

To my utmost shock, Teddy slouched down and leaned on the back of the couch, nudging me in the side with his foot casually. "The Hokage wants you to come meet your new team. Hurry up and get dressed so I can go; it's my day off."

I blinked up at him blearily as he continued to nudge me half-heartedly, tilting his head back like he didn't have a care in the world. Was this the same guy as yesterday or was I on a bad acid trip?

"Are you feeling okay?" I asked, curling away from the offending shoe. "You're acting like, dare I say it, a normal human being."

He laughed, causing me to dazedly register more shock, "I don't have the Council breathing down my neck today. Don't have a mission either. These days are rare so I want to go home. Which _means_," he nudged at me harder when he saw I was drifting off, "-that you need to get dressed so I can leave."

I grumbled childishly and kicked at his foot, writhing a little before finally crawling to my knees.

"You know, I'm not entirely sure what it's like in Teddy world, but from what I gather, you're a weird guy," I rubbed my eyes and stifled a yawn, trying to keep myself from falling over. "I don't think I've ever met a guy with mood swings like this... maybe you're bipolar..." He ignored me as he grabbed my hand, pulling me up easily and causing me to wince as my legs absorbed the ground's impact. He then threw an outfit at me that I was sure hadn't been anywhere in the room before. I was barely conscious as he steered me by the shoulders to the bathroom. "You should see a doctor. They do have pills for that... you know..."

"Mhmm," he nodded along with my half-awake conversation like you would an incoherent two year old. "I'm sure. Bathroom. Clothes. Now."

The door shut behind me with a _thud_, leaving me wobbling uncertainly to myself. _'Strange guy...'_

"Hey Teddy," I called lazily, pulling one leg through a pair of pants and hopping a little to dodge the toilet, "What's an ANBU, anyway? Is that why you wear a Jason mask?"

"It's not a -" he paused and sighed, seemingly giving up on my tendency to give everything a nickname, "ANBU is a special league of Jounin ninja. We take the highest ranked missions, I suppose. Secret work." I could hear him tap his foot to some inaudible tune. It was so weird having him act so... normal. "The mask is standard uniform."

I blinked, tugging a comb through my bedhead thoughtfully. "How old did you say you were?"

"That is confidential information," he yawned. I rolled my eyes and pulled on a white tank-top.

"You're the one who keeps sneaking into my apartment." I picked up a toothbrush and started brushing, forming my words around the stick thickly, "I think your age is the least you could tell me. How do I know your not a sick pedophile after my virtue?" Spit. Brush some more. "I don't see what harm it could do. You can't possibly be _that_ old."

I heard footsteps as he approached the door, feet shifting strangely. "No can do."

"Teddyyyyy!" I whined, "Honestly, how much danger could you possibly be in if you told me your age? If you're such a fantastically amazing ninja and stuff then why should it matter?" I leaned in closer to the mirror, pausing in my hygiene rade. It took me a minute to realize that even though I was sore all over, my skin was completely free of scratches and bruises. Huh, weird.

There was a long pause in which I took the advantage to swish some rinse in my mouth. I figured Teddy must be really smart or something to have to go on missions that were so dangerous you couldn't show your face, even in your own village. I could picture him stealthily creeping through air vents to the MIP theme song, his Teddy mask shrouded in theatrical shadows as the evil villains below planned their detailed heist of the Pink Panther diamond! (cough) Or something. Besides, he couldn't really be that old - at least he certainly didn't sound it. In fact, when he wasn't being so stiff and '_I am to formally escort you, blah blah blah,_' he actually sounded sort of-

"immistien..."

Spit. "Sorry!" I refilled the little cup to rinse again because I'm anal like that and my breath did NOT smell."Didn't catch that!"

He sighed reluctantly, "I said..." Pause. "I'm sixteen."

...

Silence. Then -

"PFFWWT!" Water spewed from my mouth and I was out the door, tackling him to the ground with wide eyes.

"Hey! What are you doing?!"

"_Show me your face!_" I straddled him, wrestling to grab a hold of the mask.

"No!" he grabbed my arms with a vice grip and tried to flip me off (haha... play on words) but I wouldn't give. I tried to hold him down but it was really no match. "I just _told_ you! I need the mask!"

"YOU'RE A TEENAGE BOY!" I shouted, my eyes growing even larger at the revelation. I automatically leaped off him and flew to the other side of the room, pointing at him in a panic. "You're a hormone crazed, bipolar _teenager_! YOU WATCHED ME SLEEP YOU FREAK!"

He sighed to himself while I continued my angry rant in the background. "I knew this was a bad idea..."

"- and in my _room_too! It's like Jiraiya all over again! I cannot believe-"

"_Kaya- san._" I froze, letting my hands fall and peeping up at him suspiciously. "Please calm down. We really need to go and I want to report home." He reached his hand toward me impatiently, once again stiff as a board. "Do not make me use force."

I eyed him. There really wasn't a whole lot I could do about this, I supposed. I could asked to be moved into a new apartment... but I didn't want to bother anyone and piss them off. I was already kind of starting to like this one. Besides, he wasn't such a bad guy as far as I could tell, and he certainly didn't _act_sixteen. Hell, he talked like an old man! Most sixteen-year-olds I saw back home were cocky and stupid-

"I didn't realize you had blond hair," I made to poke at his head.

"I'm growing it out," he grabbed my hand an inch from his face, and before I could say '_Damn it Teddy, I wasn't ready!_' we were gone in a puff of smoke.

* * *

'_Poof_'

I fell to my knees in what I assumed to be grass, digging my nails into the dirt in despair. The world spun around me and I groaned, muttering grimly about dumb blonds and surprise attacks. Teddy chuckled from somewhere above me

"She's all yours." '_Poof_'

My fingers dug deeper. _Damn you... Teddy..._

"Hey! Who's that?!"

I cringed. Holy _hell_that was some microphone. Did no one in this world understand the concept of the "inside voice"? Even if we were outside (which from what I could tell, we were) Loud One over there could really tune down the decibels.

"Surprise everyone," said a lazy voice. "We have a new squad member."

There was a really long (shocked, I supposed) silence where I took the cue to look up. At first the evil demon I call the Sun rendered me blind, but through the blotches I could just make out four humanly figures. Two were bright, two were dark, and there was a whole hell of a lot of orange -

"_YOU!_" we shouted in unison, me flying backward and him flying forward.

I covered my mouth in awe, "You- you're alive! I thought for sure you had come to a tragic and untimely demise!"

"I don't know what you just said but I was almost killed!" Large streams of dramatic tears flowed down his (whiskered?) face and he jabbed and accusing finger at me, "Konohamaru stepped on my head!"

I crawled onto my knees and bowed formally - my good impressions really seemed to fly out the window here, huh? "I'm really, really sorry Weird Orange Kid! Small children don't like me so I figured your abnormally abstract palette of color might save me!"

He grabbed two fistfuls of blond hair and shook his head, scrunching up his boyish face, "Kakashi- senseiiii! _I don't know what she's saying_!"

There was a large thud and a crash in which an angry girl's voice accompanied an unhealthy amount of sleep. "That's because you're an idiot!"

I winced and kept my head down as some whining and bickering ensued. Why was this all so painfully familiar?I don't know what God was in charge of this place, but something told me he was having a whole plethora of fun up there. Or maybe he was lazy so he let everyone go completely insane. You know, same thing.

"Guys," the lazy one called again, causing me to look up from my musings, "Focus. Teammate. Introductions. _Now_."

Blondie recovered from the Pink One's blow with a frightening speed that made me jump and struck a pose.

"I'M UZUMAKI NARUTO AND I'M GOING TO BE THE NEXT HOKAGE! BELIEVE IT!"

"You- you're-" my eyes widened in sheer horror, "_You're_Naruto?"

He grinned so wide it should have stretched off the sides of his face. "It's no surprise you've heard of me," he dusted some imaginary dirt off his collar, "I _am_ famous for my great ninja skills and - OW! _Sakura... chaaaan...._"

The girl, whom I realized had long, _pink_hair, stepped forward leaving Naruto crumpled on the floor in her wake.

"I'm Sakura!" she leaned down and reached out a hand to me. I resisted the urge to tug on her hair. "What's your name?"

"Uh - hey," I took her hand and shook it, keeping my seat on the ground for fear I might be shorter than these guys too. If I was, it would certainly take a huge blow to my ego. Again. "I'm Kaya. It's nice to meet you, I guess."

She smiled kindly and turned around, pointing to the tall guy, "That's our sensei, Hatake Kakashi. We just met him a couple of days ago, so don't worry, you're not behind or anything. He's also _really_scary when he wants to be," she whispered that last part, making me take a furtive glance toward him. He had relatively young features (from what I could see of it, at least) and his hair was silver. Not grey, silver. He certainly didn't look scary... except for the whole one-eye-showing thing, which admittedly freaked me out a little. I looked back and forth between them as he smiled and waved at us, causing the Sakura girl to chuckle nervously. The oddness of it all nearly made me forget than my one and only hope of going home was an orange jumpsuit-wearing, moronic -

Oh, yeah.

My shoulder slumped and I buried my face in my hands. This was oh, so _very_ bad.

"And that over there -" she pointed off to the side somewhere and giggled giddily, causing me to look up in surprise. That giggle was _really_ familiar, "- is _the_Sasuke Uchiha! But he's mine so you can't have him!"

I rolled my eyes and looked over to where she'd pointed, taking in the boy's appearance. He was undoubtedly good looking of course, but the kid looked like he hadn't cracked a smile in years. His hands were stuffed in his pockets as he glared down at me. _Jeez_, I thought,this_ was the kid my sister was crazy for_? I internally sighed. When I got home me and her were going to have a serious -

I looked over at Naruto again, who was just blinking open his unnaturally cerulean eyes and rubbing the ugly bump on his head. _That's right_, I thought miserably.

"_Fantastic_," I muttered to myself, preparing to stand off and introduce myself to the others when I had a small, terrible revelation. _Why was this team so familiar...?_

I lifted my arm stiffly and pointed at Naruto, causing everyone to give me quizzical looks.

"Freakishly loud, obsessive student in a vibrant jumpsuit."

Sasuke. "Scary emo kid that resonates angst and glares at everything that does or does not move."

Sakura. "Sweet girl who's secretly homicidal."

Everyone looked confused (and most a little pissed) as I nodded to myself in affirmation.

Team Seven equals Team Gai.

Only shorter and less mature.

Joy to Kaya.

"Hey! What are you doing!" Naruto shouted to the world as I crouched down by a tree and clawed at the soil.

"Digging my grave," I answered casually, "Why do you ask?"

The Kakashi guy laughed in the background while the other two gave me strange looks. Naruto, however, just looked confused again.

"Haha! Why would you do that? That's stupid- "

"Alright, alright I think that's enough." Sensei closed the little book he'd been reading that spontaneously appeared out of nowhere (a lot of things seemed to be doing that lately) and strolled over to us, turning all attention to him.

"Your name is Kaya, correct?" I nodded and stood as he addressed me, earning a generally uncomfortable sizing-up when they all saw how short I was. _Damn it all_...

After a moment, he closed his eye a nodded. "Okay, then. I suppose you haven't missed much. Just a survival exercise and a little ritual bonding." There was a collective cringe in the group. A question mark popped up over my head, but he continued cheerfully, "We'll resume our training sessions tomorrow. As for now, I have a little announcement."

There was little spark of something in his eye that caught me off guard right before he turned around and addressed us all as a group, sending me into a faint state of shock. It was so strange because just a moment ago, he was lazy and relaxed - laughing at me even - but just for a moment, there was something cold there; something that made me feel increasingly like he had just slapped me in the face.

Kakashi -sensei didn't like me. He didn't trust me.

"We have our first mission today," he announced with an eye-crinkle, acting like nothing was cruel in the world, "And it's an exciting one too!"

"Oooh! What is it, Kakashi -sensei?! Are we saving a village from a group of terrorists? Are we fighting a band of thieves? Are we escorting a princess to the land of-"

"No." He threw us each a rusty gardening shovel. I caught mine with fumbling hands and glanced up warily. He miled under his mask.

"We're weeding a leek garden."

My new team scowled simultaneously and Naruto began to throw a fit, but I only looked on and stroked the rough metal, frowning to myself. No one had ever genuinely disliked me like that before. Sure they'd made fun of my me when I was little for being slow in school - it's why I worked so hard to be intelligent - but even then they were at least _laughing_. Even Neji didn't feel so coldly toward me as far as I could tell; he was just bothered by my chakra. (And my breath, which did NOT smell, by the way). This guy... he really thought I was a threat. I couldn't blame him though - a strange girl with strange chakra from some obscure, nonexistent village should make him suspicious if he were a good ninja - but (even if I felt completely immature to say so) it still made me feel incredibly lonely. All my life I'd worked so hard to be able to keep up with everyone and meet standards that I'd reached the point when I'd even surpassed them all. In a way, it was no better then how I'd started.

My grip on the shovel tightened. I would earn the respect of my sensei. I would show him I could protect his village just as well as anyone else could. I held my head up high. I would prove myself - to Kakashi-sensei, to the Hokage, to Jiraiya, and even to that stupid Neji - I would prove myself to them all.

"Hey! New Girl!" My head whirled around to where Team Seven were walking down the path ahead of me. Naruto waved an arm with unnecessary enthusiasm, "You coming or what?!"

I smiled and jogged to catch up with them, falling in step with the strangely familiar Sakura as she launched into a barricade of questions. Dear _God_ I was really starting to loathe meeting new people -

Wait a second. That little book...

I stopped walking and blanched, staring wide-eyed at sensei's back.

You have _got _to be kidding me.

* * *

I scraped the dirt out from under my fingernails absently, trying to hide my grimace. Leeks smelled _terrible_.

"So Kaya, why did you leave your village? Didn't you say you had a sister?" Sakura dug her shovel in deeper, trying to balance in a squat so no dirt would get on her dress thing. She seemed relatively nice, but I'd realized after a while that she was incredibly vain. She refused to tie back her hair even in the unmerciful sunlight and constantly checked her reflection in the window. Every so often she would put my interrogation on pause to send "inconspicuous" glances towards Tall, Dark and Angsty, fanning herself and flipping her hair flirtatiously. The poor girl was persistent, even when it was almost _painfully _obvious the boy wasn't interested. In fact, he was currently involved in a mad-weeding-dash contest with the Naruto kid. Apparently they weren't so friendly with each other either.

I, on the other hand, was just trying to get as much work done as possible. I hadn't really spent any time with the two boys, who were content to be at each others throats all day, but Sakura was keeping me more than occupied. Kakashi-sensei sat under a tree by the porch of the Old Lady whose garden we were weeding's house. I had to resist the urge to beg him to read that stupid book to me (or at least tell me what it was about) under the argument that the author was my sort-of-ex-guardian and focus on shovelling and scooping. As far as I could tell, his eyes weren't moving along the page anyway. There was an odd tenseness in him that lead me to assume he was listening _very_ carefully to every word I said. I sighed quietly. This would take some work.

"Yes, a little sister." I replied, pulling out another weed and glaring at it distastefully, "I wasn't really too successful in my old village, and after my dad's business went under there really wasn't really any point in staying," I paused, choosing my words carefully, "My sister is too young to work and my grandmother is too old, so I figured if I became a ninja, it would take care of our finances." Great. Now I sounded like an illegal immigrant.

"Oooh..." she said, tapping her lip thoughtfully, "But why come all the way to Konoha if your village is so far away?"

I cringed. Why are _you _so God damn curious?

"The weather's nicer," I muttered, wiping the sweat from my face. Sweet Jesus how many questions could one person shoot? I rubbed my eyes. There was something weird about this girl - like I'd known her somewhere - but all this work was wearing on me and it was really hard to focus. I could just feel my attention starting to loosen...

Sakura flipped her long _pink_ hair for the tenth time, completely prepared to keep talking.

"The weather? But how will you get money to them? Where are you living? Does that mean the weather in your village is bad? Are you from Rain Country? Is there-"

"I think Sasuke is looking at you."

"What? Where?!" her head whipped around, searching for the object of her unhealthy obsession. She immediately deflated when she saw he was still weeding plants like there was no tomorrow.

"Oh. Well, I'm sure he's just - uh - shy?" I sympathized, happy the topic of conversation was away from me. Out of the corner of my eye, Kakashi's pupil began scrolling the book again. _Phew_.

"Yeah!" she immediately perked up, brandishing her fist at me. "He's just shy! I can totally see beyond his cold demeanor! He's really a small child, begging for warmth and _love!_"

Typically something like that would have had me smothering myself to keep from cracking up (especially the appalled look said small child sent us between declarations) but something about this girl made my heart hurt. I just couldn't put my finger on it.

"I mean, don't you think he's amazing?!"

I looked over at Sasuke apathetically. As I said earlier, he _was _undeniably good looking, but the whole dark-haired, emo, freezing cold personality type really wasn't my type. I'd never really taken an interest in guys before (excluding my little momentary crush on Kotetsu, that is), but I'd decided a while ago that if I ever did, he'd have to be able to make me laugh. Sasuke glared heatedly toward Naruto, who promptly fell over with the weight of his weed basket. I decided to avoid the question.

"Well," I said thoughtfully, resuming my crouch and weeding away, "Guys aren't really my thing."

A small distance away, Naruto picked himself up and began laughing obnoxiously about something that made Sakura's face turn red and caused her to charge and send him flying into oblivion before she could reply. Maybe I pitied her for her cruel fascination with the mysterious boy; although she was taller than me, she was still younger, and it made me sad that she was stuck in such a pointless infatuation, even if it was completely shallow. I wasn't entirely sure why I cared, considering she had to be probably one of the most annoying little girls on the face of the planet-

It hit me, just then as she recovered from her rebound and brushed herself off, smiling flirtatiously in Sasuke's direction. Maybe it was the way the sun hit the edges of her hair, making it look a light blond, or maybe it was the way she giggled when she was nervous, but for just one fleeting moment,

Sakura reminded me of my sister.

* * *

_Flashback_

_My hands moved frantically across the keyboard, typing up my research paper with lightning speed. If I could finish it tonight, I'd promised myself, then I would allow myself to poke around my grandma's wig closet when I got home from school the next day. It sounded ridiculous, but trust me when I tell you, it was a freaking _amazing_ experience._

_The door to my bedroom suddenly swung open, revealing a head of curly blond hair and a small, bouncy frame._

_"Kaya! Kaya! guess what color wig Ama just bought?!"_

_I didn't look up. _Idea stealer..._"Mhmm..."_

_"Heeey, look at me!" she whined, hopping behind my chair and peeking over my shoulder. "'Chhaaa-looor-iedde?' Chloride? You would rather write about _chemicals_ than your dear, lovely sister?!"_

_"Taashi!" I whined back at her, eyes glued to the screen, "If I don't finish this now I won't be able to focus later! What do you need?"_

_She suddenly broke into a grin and backed up, climbing up onto my bed and striking a pose. A fiery pink wig that hadn't been there before was sitting on top of her head. I sweat-dropped as I looked at it. _Ama....

_"Guess who I am!" she froze in a crouch, holding out a peace sign and winking at me. I stared at her blankly._

_"A hippie on acid?" She rolled her eyes._

_"Nooo!" She quickly stood and turned her back to me, looking over her shoulder like a model and pouting at me. "How about now - hey! Kaya, pay attention!"_

_I swivelled back around in my chair sheepishly, having been distracted by a piece of jacket-lint. "Tashi, I have absolutely no Earthly idea who you're trying to impersonate."_

_"I'm Sakura! Duh!" She jumped down, deflated as I resumed my work._

_"I thought you didn't like her," I said absently, moving onto a new page._

_"I don't," she huffed, crossing her arms. "She's always hitting on _my _Sasuke-kun!"_

_"You _do_realize he's a cartoon character, don't you?" I asked patiently, used to her insensible obsessions._

_"_Anime_ character," she corrected. "And no, he is not." She giggled to herself as I dodged a pillow she threw, letting it fall uselessly onto my desk. I sighed._

_"Tash, please. I want to get this done." I nudged open the door with my foot, queuing her to go. "I'll see you at dinner, okay?"_

_She sighed a little and nodded, removing the wig and creeping out the door as I turned back to the screen. _

_"You're so lame," she complained, just as the door clicked shut._


	9. Chapter 8: Offense vs Defence

**A/N: **Oh wow. This is by far the longest chapter I've ever made. Hand-written, it was twenty five pages long. TWENTY FIVE. Just... holy crap. Anyway, thank you so so so much to everyone who is reading this and reviewing! You all really have no idea how much it means to me and I hope you all continue to help me learn about writing as well as enjoy my story! Have fun! (P.S. the song mentioned at the beginning is 'Anna Rose' by Vienna Teng. I encourage you to go listen =])

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Naruto or any of the characters in it. Yosh.

* * *

**Chapter 8 - Offense vs. Defence: A Little Ritual Bonding**

I rubbed my eyes tiredly as I wondered the roads of Konoha, yawning (my breath did not smell, god damn it) and trying to ignore the humidity in the air that made my skin sticky. It was still much too early for the sun to rise. My stomach felt all weird and quivery from lack of sleep, but the soreness that coated my body had prevented me from resting anyway. The dewy air filled my nose and I stretched up lazily, oddly relaxed for the first time in a while.

Normally, you see, waking up so dreadfully early was high on the list of '_Kaya's Personal Taboo's'_, but a nagging sense of responsibility and whatever else it is that make old people to crap like this had me dragged out of bed three hours earlier than absolutely necessary. I figured that because I had my first 'formal' training session today and I was nowhere near being able to read Japanese directions, I should probably get a head start on finding the meeting place. Supposedly it was a big bridge with arches or something - Sakura had helpfully described it to me as '_hard to miss_'. Perhaps no one hear realized that their village was the size of a small _country_. I sighed as I failed miserably to read yet another street sign. Surely someone of divine, unearthly powers had a very particular loathing for me.

I looked up boredly, counting the stars I could still see. It made me feel calm when no one was around like this. It seemed I'd been unhealthily busy these last couple of days, so even being lost in a dark, unfamiliar village didn't disturb my peace. It was quite nice actually.

I looked down and kicked a pebble off to the side, watching half-lidded as it tumbled.

"Left it is, then," I murmured, picking up the pebble and chucking it at the sign. Hopefully it would miraculously sprout nerve endings and feel my little token of despair, I mused before spinning on my heels and heading forward, humming the tune to '_Anna Rose'_to myself. I really missed my Ipod...

A bird chirped somewhere and I was spontaneously reminded of Teddy. I threw my arms up and did a quick, arbitrary little victory dance in the middle of the street. I'd actually woken up on my own this morning! HA!... Teddy's an ass. Of course, he didn't really do anything bad, I suppose... but it makes me feel better to pretend.

There was a long time when this train of thought lead me to other completely irrelevant things and I soon found myself lost in a sea of disconnected musings. I won't get into right now, considering I have a story to tell, but I was abruptly brought out of my head a while later by the sound of my sandals contacting wood. Apparently, my divine, unearthly enemy decided to take pity on me today; so there I was, on the bridge that did indeed have big red arch-things. And I was three hours early. _Damn it._

I sighed to myself and continued onward. It wouldn't hurt to wait, I supposed - the sun had already started to rise, so it was bound to eventually get warmer. I closed my eyes and plopped down by the railing, thumping the back of my head to the beam and mulling over my discoveries thus far. Other than the miscellaneous lunatics I'd encountered, the main characters of the Naruto plot seemed just like ordinary kids. And when I say _'ordinary_' I mean bratty, selfish, and generally unintelligent. Sakura sounded like she could keep up with a conversation, which was good, but the boys seemed very blindly immersed in competition with each other. Judging by the ultimate lack of character development, I concluded, I was probably at the very beginning of the story. That meant that I had to have been transported here just when the series began.

I opened my eyes and glared up at the sky, just starting to leak into orange and purple streaks. '_Which means,_' I thought bitterly, '_that I'm most likely stuck here until the story ends._'

I groaned and banged my head again. "How _cliche_."

..._tap tap... tap tap..._

Oh no. The Onomatopoeia O' Death.

I squinted an eye open slightly, hoping dearly that Sakura wasn't an early-bird. I still needed preparation time. I wasn't entirely sure how to react when I saw Sasuke instead, head down and hands stuffed in his pockets. He wasn't looking at me as he approached, more like staring depressingly down at the floor, but I could still see his face through the dark curtain of his hair. His bangs were held back neatly from his face by his ninja-head band thing and the orange sunlight was hitting his face at just the right angle, making his pale skin glow. I internally huffed and closed my eyes again, preffering to go unnoticed. Why did no one in this dimension have zits? _Unfair._

The footsteps paused a little ways off as he probably spotted me. I tried to keep still and waited until they resumed again until he was leaning on the other side of the bridge, his glares burning holes into my face. I fought to keep my eyes closed and ignore it.

This went on for an irritatingly long five minutes and in no time I could feel a vein starting to twitch in my forehead. Why doesn't this kid freaking blink? And why can I feel him staring at me through my lids? People are not supposed to feel stares! I started to bristle, unnerved.

"Good morning," I worked out finally, swallowing the urge to stick my tongue out at him. Glaring at Kaya in the morning is a very bad idea. I don't care who he is - ninja, ANBU, Hokage or anyone else. Honestly. what did I ever do to this guy?

"..." There was no reply, but I assumed he'd looked away by the abrupt absence of discomfort. _'Jeez,'_ I thought, '_someones on their period...'_

So we waited there in silence for what felt like (and probably was) hours, me biting back little shifts of discomfort and him letting his eyes drift closed patiently, occasionally sending me a one-eyed glare. I'd started pondering why he was being so Anti-Kaya at first, but one thing lead to another and I was suddenly thinking about food. I'd only had an apple that morning. Holy _crap_ I was hungry.

"Er - excuse me," I put in softly, trying to avoid a glare. It didn't work. "do you happen to have, like, a power bar or something?"

He stared at me blankly, looked me up and down, then closed his eyes again and ignored me. I internally snorted a little. God forbid I ask the Almighty One for a source of nutrients. My morning grouchiness gone, now I was just curious.

"Can you talk?" I questioned innocently. The now hazy blue sky contrasted with his dark eyes as he opened them again, this time sparing me the glare in exchange for an annoyed look.

"Yes." Ah, so he _isn't_ mute!

"I see," I nodded seriously. "So you're just being an ass, then?"

There it is. The glare. I sighed; that was a real question.

"...Is there a legitimate reason why you keep glaring at me?"

He huffed superiorly and lifted his head a little, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Because you're annoying."

He looked at me, maybe waiting for some kind of drastic reaction, but I only raised an eyebrow.

"How so? You _do_ realize I've never even really talked to you, don't you?" I asked, now genuinely curious. I'd only (not even) known him for like, what? A day?

"..." No answer again. I almost laughed; he was like a little kid having a temper tantrum! He closed his eyes _again _and went back to ignoring me, turning his face to the side. If I didn't know any better, I would have said he was pouting. I chuckled a little into my hand and closed my own eyes, crossing my legs peacefully and lapsing into a suddenly tenseless silence. For the first time that morning, I was comfortable sitting with him in the quiet. It was funny how someone could be so untalkative he might as well not have been there at all could have such an imposing presence. (And no. That is not referring to everyone's towering height over me. Shut up.)

A bird chirped in the distance (which I subsequently winced at because recently chirping birds have been bad omens) and the water under the bridge trickled by in the background. It reminded me of camping with Jiraiya... call me crazy, but I was actually starting to miss the old perv. He was like the crazy uncle I never had... because he was disowned from the family and kicked out of his mom's house in order to pursue his questionable occupation as an "adult romance" author. Yeah. That's him. I wonder when I'll see him again... I internally grinned. I can't wait to show him what an awesome ninja I'll be. He'll be so impressed... Wait. What was I thinking about? Crap, I did it again. Okay, lets think. There was Sasuke being a bratty kid, power bars, birds...

"So Sasuke, why do you wear arm-warmers? It's got to be, like, spring or something, right?" I leaned forward and stared at him intently.

He blinked at me. "To hide weapons in."

"Oh... but doesn't it get hot?"

"No."

"Did you eat this morning?"

"What?"

"You know. Food. Did you eat?"

He gave me a _'WTF' _look and shifted his position. "Hn."

"Good." I nodded approvingly, then stayed silent again. On the contrary, it was actually very _not _good, because now I couldn't ask him where the nearest food kiosk was and when it would open without sounding dumb.

"Sasuke-kuuuun!"

Sasuke immediately stiffened out of his relaxed posture (which was funny, because I couldn't remember when he'd looked even remotely relaxed. Maybe he was stiff no matter what his mood) and I cringed, whipping my head in the direction of the thundering footsteps. Pink hair. _Lots_ of pink hair. I looked down and glared at my lap. _Crap._

"Good morning, Sasuke-kun!" she piped cheerfully, clasping her hands behind her back girlishly as she wriggled her way next to him. A vein twitched in his head and if not for the awkward situation, I would have laughed. Sakura leaned forward and blushed.

"How are you feeling today?"

"..." No reply. I was torn between laughing and glaring at Sasuke for being so rude, so instead I coughed strangely. Sakura whirled around, taking surprised notice at my presence.

"Oh! Kaya-chan, I forgot you were on our team now!" Suddenly her tone went icy, "Were you and Sasuke-kun having... fun?"

I laughed nervously as she sent me a terrifying look. "Who- me? Nope! No fun here!" I patted my stomach heartily, "Just a little polite conversation brought on by delirium from lack of food."

"Oh," she blinked and gave a confused little smile, "um - okay. Well, in that case," she turned to Sasuke again and batted her eyelashes, "So Sasuke-kun, I was just wondering if after training today, you'd... um - maybe want to go out to eat or something. I mean it's probably going to be a long day and we won't get out until late if Kakashi-sensei doesn't show up soon-"

He suddenly opened his eyes, making her jump and squeak a little as he glared at her without moving his head (yeah, the guy has talent). She looked like she shrank into herself a little.

He looked at her for another moment, then closed his eyes (again) and donated a simple, "You're annoying."

I rolled my eyes at him. If it didn't work on me than why would it work on-

_BAM!_

A huge kanji fell out of the sky and nailed Sakura right in the head, causing her to face-plant into the wood, looking stricken. I flew backward and whip[ped my head around frantically.

"What in the holy _fuck_ was that?! Did you see that thing just fall out of freaking _space?!_"

Sasuke ignored us as I quickly scrambled over to Sakura, trying to claw her out from under the gigantic anime-rock. "Freaking hell, Sakura are you still alive? Please don't say you're dead!"

"A...Annoying? I'm really annoying...?" she muttered brokenly. The giant kanji suddenly disappeared and she was one her knees, looking at her lap with watery eyes.

"-concussion?! That thing was huge! Who throws around large stones shaped like _ideograms_?! Are the construction workers here out of their god forsaken _minds_ - Dude will you stop glaring at me already? There is no way you didn't see that!"

Sakura stared blankly at my blind rampage while I yelled at no one in particular about bridge-safety. Sasuke glared to his hearts content and I periodically demanded to know why (to which I only got a grunt) but gave up after a while and plopped right back down uncomfortably. Apparently I'm the only one with a high emotional sensitivity for things that fall out of the sky. Now I'm the only one not depressed on a foreign bridge with an asshole and a girl who's eyes I can't meet properly because she looks like my lost sister. Plus everyone here is a jolly bundle of fun.

Happy times.

* * *

The blond genin trudged wearily across the red bridge later that afternoon, his shoulders slouched and his eyes squinted shut as he made his way to the newly formed Team Seven. His footsteps tapped along through the peaceful silence as he rubbed miserably at his stomach. He'd only had the time for two cups of ramen before he left his flat and even then he'd been pushing it before he'd raced out the door, pulling on his jumpsuit hastily. If only Ichiraku was open before eleven...

"Ohayo, Sakura-chan!" he managed to grin out at the discouraged girl. She shot him a distasteful look and crossed her arms.

"You're late _Naruto_," she huffed, turning to the side. "You should be more like Sasuke-kun. He was the first one here!" Sakura glanced at him lovingly.

Sasuke shifted. Naruto pouted.

"But Sakura-chaaaan! The teme has no life! I could totally kick his - _oof!_"

Naruto took a nose-dive into the wood, grunting noisily as his head hit the ground with a _thunk! _Sakura cackled at him and he frowned, lifting his face to reveal large red imprints of the floor boards. He twisted his head back to look for what tripped him, only to discover a small sandal sticking lazily out into the walkway-

"_Hey!_" Naruto jumped back, hopping into a stupid looking accusational pose. "What're _you_ doing here?! You keep getting me hurt and I didn't even eat this morning-"

"Shut _up_, Naruto! Kaya's on our team now, remember?" Sakura flipped her hair agitatedly. "Besides, she's asleep."

"Ehh?" He crawled over to the small figure to find that the girl was indeed sleeping, her messy brown hair hanging over her face as she leaned half-heartedly against the railing. Her breathing was soft and steady and her long brown eyelashes flickered every now and then, casting shadows on the tips of her flushed cheeks. Naruto thought she looked like a fairy.

"Why's she so little?" he poked her side obnoxiously, causing her to squirm a little. "And why's she on our team? I only wanted to be with Sakura-chan - it's bad enough I got stuck with Teme too!"

Sasuke looked like he was restraining himself impatiently from making a face and Sakura looked bored, scraping some red paint off a beam with a stick. "I don't know, maybe everyone where she comes from is like that. And I don't know why she's here - it must be a special case for her to come straight into a genin squad without going to the Academy. Maybe she's just really good."

Naruto continued to poke her in the ribs consecutively, taking a childish delight in watching her sleeping face quickly becoming irritated. Sasuke sighed.

"Stop it, dobe."

"Why should I?!" he stuck his tongue out and kept poking, this time a little more forcefully.

"Holy cow you guys, this chick sleeps like a rock!" he jabbed her harder and her leg twitched. "She's really squishy too. Maybe she-"

"_GOD DAMN IT TEDDY, I'M SORE!_" he heard her screech as a small foot connected with his stomach. It wasn't a hard kick, but it still skidded him back a few feet, almost knocking him into a hysterical Sakura. He grabbed his poor abdomen and cried streams of anime-tears as he felt his ramen slosh around inside of him.

"Owww..."

Kaya was suddenly on her feet with flames in her eyes, brandishing her fists to the general public.

"Where is he?! Where'd he go, let me at him!" her head whipped from side to side angrily. "I'll kill him if it's the last thing I do!"

"Uh... kill who?" Sakura squeaked in between giggles.

Kaya's face suddenly went blank as she seemingly remembered where she was. She blinked her green eyes and looked at each of them respectively, a million almost unreadable emotions flashing across her face in quick succession - confusion, surprise, suspicion, then finally settled on mortified horror.

"Oh my god!" She kneeled down in front of Naruto's crumpled form, fluttering worriedly. "Orange Kid! When did you get here?! Are you okay? Did I hurt you? Crap, you must hate me - I swear I just thought you were this guy that keeps sneaking into my apartment and harassing me because at first I thought he was just sent by someone to get me but then he started acting all '_oh yeah, I'm sixteen'_ and kept poking me so when you did that I thought you were him and I still owe him a good kick in the... er - yeah..." she paused when she noticed the odd stares she was getting. She cleared her throat and lowered her head. "My bad."

Naruto scratched his head, quickly forgetting about his spontaneous nausea. "Sure. So why are you so short?"

Sakura smacked her large forehead and Kaya blinked. "I'm sorry?"

"Yeah," he nodded wisely. "You talk like you're older but you have such a little foot."

"Little foot?"

"Yeah."

"Like the dinosaur?"

"Huh?"

"What?"

"Idiots." Sasuke grunted from the sidelines. Naruto was just about to turn around and tell the bastard to shut up when an inconspicuous '_poof!_ sounded from atop one of the arches and immediately grabbed the collective attention.

"Yo."

All at once Naruto shouted indignantly, Sakura chided, Sasuke twitched and out of the corner of everyone's eye, Kaya tensed up, her face once again filing through expressions at an unreadable pace.

"YOU'RE LATE!" Naruto cried, jumping up and down in anticipation. "Are you really gunna train us now, Kakashi-sensei? Like, _really _train us?!"

"Yes Naruto, really." he drifted down from his perch gracefully and rubbed the back of his head. "Forgive me for being so late. You se, there was this old woman across the street from me who needed help with her groceries and before I knew it..."

And then he drifted off into a long, elaborate, pathetically transparent tale that will not be discussed on the account that it will make you bored to tears. When he finally finished with a contented sigh, there was a long silence where all he received were four blatantly disbelieving stares. Then -

"I'll race Sasuke to the training grounds!" Naruto announced with a fist in the air.

"Hn."

"Don't be stupid, Naruto. Sasuke-kun would never do something so immature-"

"Sasuke's gone." Kakashi-sensei piped up cheerfully, pointing Sakura to the cloud of dust he left behind. Sakura stuttered incomprehensibly and Naruto started shouting again.

"That's not fair Bastard, you cheat!" And before anyone could blink, he was gone as well.

"Well," Kakashi-sensei stuffed his hands in his pockets and stepped forward. "I suppose that means we should go then. Girls?"

He flashed an eye-crinkle over his shoulder and Sakura sighed. She idly observed that this was probably going to be an even longer day than anticipated, and that she'd need to pay some more attention to her hair's constant attempts at frizzing. She hung her head dejectedly and followed his lead, absently twisting her head in the direction of Konoha's newest genin. She narrowly overlooked the mix of fear, sorrow, admiration, and irritation that flickered rapidly through the girl's face as she stared at Kakashi-sensei's retreating back.

"Come on, Kaya-chan." she goaded uncertainly.

Kaya seemed to snap out of her trance and sent Sakura an odd look before nodding eagerly. Sakura frowned a little to herself as Kaya jogged to catch up.

_What a weird girl..._

* * *

You know that feeling when you just know you're dead? Like when your organs forget their functions and start jumping around inside your body so that on the outside you look like a panicked, vibrating mess?

Yeah. Imagine that times three.

I don't know when this shaking crap started - I'd always been perfectly capable of holding still when I was scared before. Maybe it's because this is a situation in which I _know_ there will be no pity. The only time I ever felt this was was during a public speaking assignment in the sixth grade. It wasn't so much that I was afraid, I guess (because quite honestly, I'm too stubborn to admit _that_). I'm just excruciatingly intimidated. I mean, come on! This Sasuke kid vomits fucking _fire_ on people!

Uh huh. Absolutely dead.

Okay, perhaps I should start from the beginning . After Kakashi-sensei decided to make his grand entrance and managed to thoroughly freak me out, we'd made our way to a training field similar to Team Gai's, only more open. It was here that we already found Naruto and Sasuke going at it, so Sakura and I left to warm up by some trees while Kakashi-sensei broke them up before they killed someone. I ignored the fact that this made me feel entirely worthless (and judging by Sakura's frown, I wasn't alone) and kept busy answering Sakura's rapid-fire inquiries without ever looking her directly in the eye. Honestly, the girl never rests. I knew I couldn't possibly be that interesting, but apparently someone thought otherwise.

Anyway, I was in the middle of explaining to the pink-haired girl what exactly artificial plant breeding was when out of the corner of my eye a large tongue of flames spewed out of nowhere and licked at a screeching Naruto's feet. It was while my mouth was hanging open in a very unlady-like fashion that Sakura thought it an appropriate time to fill me in on what exactly the name _Uchiha_ meant. Apparently, he was from some prestigious clan of ninja (No, not vampires. I know, I thought so too) who's specialty was fire. _Vomiting _fire, to be correct. It was also at this time that our masked sensei announced that he too would like to test my abilities against one of his other genin. Apparently, getting beaten to a pulp by Green-Boy simply wasn't enough for these people.

_"But - uh - shouldn't we have more time to warm up, sensei? I mean it's still early in the day and the thinner air could go to our heads if we move too fast and result in an ultimate lack of oxygen to the brain and cause all of us to drop and suffer minor strokes, and... and..." I'd stalled pleadingly, but was silenced by a single, gloved hand._

_He eye-crinkled (not very) good naturedly and chuckled in amusement._

_"Now, now Kaya, it is essential we experience your shinobi knowledge first hand. You know this, I suspect?" _

_I swallowed as his one visible eye gave off that scary little gleam again. He didn't have to say the name seconds later for me to know who my opponent was._

_"Sasuke, if you would be so kind..."_

As I said. I am now currently in very deep shit.

Somebody nudged me gently out onto the clearing (mind you I would have totally rearranged their face had I not been busy trying to keep my heart from falling out my ass) and waited patiently until I actually started breathing again before backing out of the scorch-line. My mind was starting to do that detachment thing where you feel like you're inside some sort of sick dream sequence; so while my brain was debating the many ways I could persuade God to forgive me for pulling Sarah Minear's hair when I was six, my face was frozen in this pathetic, miserable scowl that clearly screamed '_I'm screwed_'.

Sasuke seemed perfectly at ease, however, if not a little irritated at having to waste his precious 'glare at everything' time by beating up the guinea pig. He strolled over to the other side of the field casually and took up a frightening offensive stance. '_Oh my_' I internally sighed. Suddenly death was looking like a very possible option.

"Kaya, when I say begin, Sasuke is going to charge at you. I want you to defend yourself, understand?" Kakashi-sensei said slowly.

"Yeah." '_I'm foreign, not retarded,'_ I thought bitterly, proceeding to fall into an awkward sort of defensive stance facing sideways. I was just deciding exactly _what_ to do with my hands (fist or palm... fist or palm...) when a lazy "_Begin,_" found my ears and a shadow immediately covered the ground in front of me. I didn't even see him _move_... When I looked up, my heart stopped beating.

Now I could (sort of) understand what Sakura saw in him. Impossibly cool onyx marbles - so cool, in fact, I bet you anything my fingers would freeze were I to reach out and touch them, but I wouldn't because that would be weird - and skin so smooth it looked like the face of a porcelain doll hovered over me. Needless to say, I was simply gagging with inferiority. He was near _godly _up close. Plus, if I felt short before, it was no comparison to how I felt now. I honestly could have been mistaken for a midget or something.

I wasn't exactly sure what he was doing until that searing survival instinct kicked in and sharpened my senses enough to notice the fist coming directly at my face. It's a shame that my brain gets scrambled so easily, even with the adrenalin making my reflexes faster, because while I could vaguely feel my eyes widen in sheer panic at having my jaw crushed in, my stupid fuck of a subconscious was admiring the hard muscles that coiled in his bicep as his arm sprang. Honestly, how hard do you have to train to get muscles like that at freaking twelve/thirteen years old? Would I get super awesome muscles? Crap, I need to pay attention. I observed him closely, my brain working decidedly fast, and quickly read his face: irritation (evident), exertion (almost non-existent), curiosity (probably at what color my face would turn after being thoroughly shattered) and why in the holy hell am I looking at his face when there is quite clearly a hard fist aimed right at my-

_Bam._

* * *

Her brain was obviously working, he concluded. It was evident in the way her expression was completely clueless and pathetic, but eyes were quick and assessing. This was why he was mystified as to why she wasn't moving out of the way. He would have gone for her stomach, but truth be told, he would find it much more entertaining to send her flying. He wouldn't put too much force behind it or Kakashi-sensei would lecture him, but he wouldn't go easy on her either. If she was to get in his way, she might as well be useful.

In a flash, he was before her. She looked surprised, then panicked, then back to assessing and calculating again, but still made no move to block him. This was why he didnt like her - her face changed too much. Even when she was seemingly lost in thought, a million different things showed on her face. It made her both readable and unreadable, which was terribly irritating. Therefore, it wasn't that hard to attack her.

Irked, he pulled a readied fist, giving her one last moment to defend herself (which she only glanced at briefly before ignoring it again in favor of his face) and promptly delivered a hit to her upper jaw. (As non-lethal as possible).

He watched her soar through the air for a moment before turning away disinterestedly, listening to the thump of her body a little ways back. Kakashi-sensei gave a defeated sigh, which was closely followed by Sakura's gasp and Naruto's indignant shrieks. He honestly didn't see what the big deal was; they were, in fact, simply wasting training time on this pathetic civilian.

Stuffing his hands in his pockets contently, Sasuke opened his mouth to voice his opinion on the matter, only to realize the shrieks had stopped. In it's place was a soft shuffling and heavy breathing. He glanced around and sure enough, the girl, head bowed and shoulders shaking quite violently, was standing - unsteady, yes, but impressive considering her obvious low pain tolerance. In all honesty, he hadn't really hit her all that hard; perhaps it was shock that caused her to tremble.

"Hey, Kaya! Are you alrigh-"

"Do it again."

Silence. Kakashi-sensei's one eye sparkled curiously while Sasuke furrowed his brow. This was stupid. She _wanted_ to be hit again? What was wrong with this girl? Her voice was shaking in what he assumed to be pain, but her tone was as close to as serious as the grave as one with her height disadvantage could portray. Well, it made no difference to _him_, he supposed. He looked apathetically towards Sensei for permission, which he received in a slow nod. Without further ado, he charged again towards the slouched figure.

He decided to go for the stomach this time, so maybe she could at least stifle the pained squeak he was sure would come - Honestly, girls were so _annoying_- and pumped his arm back for the swing. It was then, just as he released the chakra in his bicep to empower the blow, that she looked up - and he nearly tripped over his own feet. (He didn't of course, because Uchiha's do _not_ trip). Her eyes, decidedly a clear green with the sun shining directly at her face, were open wide in a strange, furious glare - pink lips curled up in an (almost, but not quite) frightening scowl and a thin stream of blood running down her chin. He found it odd, and a little entrancing due to the fact that her face was so comically innocent looking, one would never have imagined it could hold such a twisted fury - and that coming from an expert in hatred was something big. He _had _only punched her once... something told him she was one of those girls who easily let go of their tempers. (cough) Sakura (cough). She looked absolutely pissed - and it would have been funny had it not been for the flare of monstrous chakra that suddenly engulfed him. So _that_ was why she was so special...

It took him a moment to realize that she was still standing in front of him, as opposed to soaring through the air, breathing hard. It took another moment to feel the frail warmth enveloping his right fist.

She... caught it.

Now this typically wouldn't have been a big deal or anything (just a little smack to his ego), but that was a pretty chakra-high punch, and it should have at least skimmed her. But no - she stood stalk still, forearms straining and eyes brightening into a feral grin.

"Oh _hell _yeah!" she breathed triumphantly.

He absorbed this information for a moment, then with an irritated growl, dismissed it as a lucky shot. This was ridiculous, he resolved. There were much more significant things he could be doing with his time than playing games with some amateur foreigner. He was about to back off when he was suddenly caught with an arbitrary (and rather weak) side kick to the ribs. He grunted a bit in surprise but no sooner narrowed his eyes dangerously. Vaguely, he could hear Naruto laughing his little heart out (which only added to his temper) and promptly sent a glare in the little freak's general direction - only succeeding in making him grow louder.

"Idiot..." he growled before turning his attention back to the girl and landing a good blow to her own side.

Her eyes widened even more and her mouth gaped in a momentary gasp before she collapsed to the floor in a furious attempted to sweep his legs out from under him. He jumped nimbly and aimed a kick to her head - which she (barely) dodged. Angered now, Sasuke flipped back a ways and started forming hand seals. He could faintly hear two small voices protesting loudly and one slightly more commanding telling him to stop, but all he could feel was the sheer need to beat this Kaya (and of course, the smoky burn forming in his chest).

The girl's eyes grew huge as he inhaled deeply and she froze to the spot. For a moment, a part of him feared she wouldn't dodge it, but it was too late to stop the jutsu now.

"KATON!" he breathed and the fire exploded from his lungs. Flames clouded his vision and licked the ground in front of him. There was no feeling but the heat of satisfaction, no sound but the cackling of flames and he was so absorbed he nearly forgot it's reason for being there - that is, until a seething yell erupted from the very center of the hellfire. A hazy figure was suddenly flying at him, arms crossed and head covered, straight through the middle of the jutsu. Before he could register what was happening, an impossibly small, hard fist had buried itself right into his face.

* * *

In that second, I don't think anything had ever made me happier than to see Pretty-Boy's face molded around my fist. It was like my own personal epiphany - good _can_triumph over assholes! Teehee, just kidding, But seriously. It truly was an amazing experience. I wasn't even thinking about it really - the minute I felt flames at my feet, the only thing my instinct told me was '_get the fuck OUT_'. So I did. And it just so happened that the way 'out' was the same way as 'in', so why not clobber Sasuke on the way?

It was an awkward punch, though, so instead of flying backwards and cracking his self-obsessed skull on a tree like I'd so delightfully fantasized, he did a sort of graceful spin before skidding unceremoniously across the grass. There was a really quiet moment where I thought that maybe I shouldn't have done that, but my doubts were soon quelled when a very delighted Naruto began rolling around laughing and a very distressed Sakura looked close to hysterics. I felt a little relieved at getting myself on better terms with the main character, but also a little put out by the loss of two others. (Sigh). I just cannot win.

Either way, I started to crack a smile at Naruto's contagious giggles, but it died prematurely when I realized that the feild was still on freaking FIRE.

"Ahh! Someone put it out before we _DIE_!" And with that, I proceeded to run around in circles, flailing my arms comically and shouting like a banshee. Naruto's face was turning blue with hysterics and Kakashi and Sakura looked completely baffled.

All the while, Sasuke sat quietly under the shade of a particularly large tree, glaring unnaffectively at the rediculous duo.

Great. Another idiot on the team.

* * *

It took me a relatively long time to recuperate from my (totally kick ass) victory. Not so much the physical part as the mental. When I was training with Jiraiya, he'd always give me warning when he was about to attack, and Lee had only really chased me around like a mad-man. Being in a real fight like that... the mental strain was exhausting. There was no theme music, no cues, no third person narrator. Just fists, kicks, and fire. Don't get me wrong, my face hurt like hell and my brand new clothes were depressingly totaled, but I'm sure you get the idea.

We were currently on a ten minute break, each of up dispersed across the clearing respectively. Sakura and I were leaning against a tree (more my idea than hers, since she'd only followed me to resume her endless questions, albeit a bit colder since the '_Sasuke Nailing_' as I'd so nobly dubbed it)... (no innuendos intended), trying to get me relatively cleaned up. I'd bitten my cheek pretty bad and the inside of my mouth tasted like metal (that bastard). It'd probably hurt like a bitch when I brushed my teeth later... not that I needed to, of course! My breath does _not_ smell, damn it!

Naruto seemed to have gotten over the whole '_I almost got you killed_' thing and actively portrayed our new-found friendship by helping me put out the charred grass. He was currently beating up on one of those kicking-log things, insisting to everyone that he didn't need something as lowly as a 'break'. Although, with his energy and seemingly endless stamina, I couldn't find it in me to doubt him. Kakashi-sensei was up in a tree, reading his book with unmoving eyes again.

As for Sasuke, (whom I officially _own_, by the way) he had indignantly shrouded himself in brooding moodiness by the tree he'd taken to, well, brood under. A big cloud of '_don't even try_' loomed over him evilly, being the only real cause of Sakura finally backing off. While it was slightly hilarious that they all towered over me, yet each acted more like a child than the last, it also sort of pissed me off. I need to be restored to my rightful height, damn it!

I held the icepack up to my jaw gingerly as Sakura rubbed some aloe stuff that spontaneously appeared out of nowhere on a little burn at my wrist, shooting off questions like never before.

"So what's the name of your village? Is it something exotic? Like Aanali or Takan?"

I gave her a look. Where in the holy hell did she get this stuff?

"Um... no. It's called Miami."

"I've never hear of that... what's it like?"

I looked away from her too-shiny eyes and became overly interested in the burnt hem of my pants, plucking at my legs splayed out in front of me. "Well... it's really hot all year - it's way down south, so we never get any snow and it always rains..." I looked up over the canopy of trees to the great canyons that surrounded the village thoughtfully, allowing myself to give as much of the truth as possible. "There were never this many trees, either. I'd never seen so much vegetation in my life before I came here. There aren't any mountains like there are here, but we have the ocean. If you looked out just right, you could see the lightning hit the surface when a storm came." I sighed to myself, already missing Florida's bipolar weather system. "It was... pretty."

The pink haired girl at my side made a small noise of wonder, causing me to shake out of my reminiscing and shoot her a raised eyebrow. "Why are you so interested, anyway? The structure of my village's environment can't possibly be that interesting."

Sakura's eyebrows rose and she flushed, flipping her hair (for like, oh my god - the _millionth_ time) and looking at something else. I smiled to myself.

"Well... it's - er- its just that I've never really met someone from outside Konoha before." She crossed her arms and stuck up her shin. "It's research, that's all."

I almost snorted. Is that the universal excuse for everything innapropriate or was it just coincidence?

"Besides," I looked up when she continued, "It's really rare that a foreigner gets to be a Leaf shinobi, almost unheard of. Especially for a kid!" I growled at her, but it went unnoticed. "We figured you were some kind of genius or something."

I flinched at the '_we_' part of that sentence and re-examined the other people in the field. Naruto had abandoned his kicking-thing and was now perched on his haunches, staring at me expectantly. Sasuke was glaring at me out of the corner of his eye from a distance, ears perked. Even Kakashi-sensei had looked up from his pretend-reading session to blatantly observe the conversation. I shrunk a little into the trunk of the tree and shifted cold fingers to hold the icepack more securely. Maybe the general idiocy of my ex-high-school's population hadn't been such a bad thing...

"Well that was a nice break!" I got up and stretched the fake kinks out of my arms nervously, trying to hold back a painful wince. "We should really get back to work, then! I'll just go this way where no one can give my creepy stares-"

Someone appeared right behind me and grabbed the back of my shirt as I attempted to go hide behind another tree, keeping me squirming in place as he turned to the others.

"Ten minutes are up, Team!" he eye-crinkled jovially and I flinched a little. "All of you get back to work. I'm going to have a little chat with Kaya."

There was nothing threatening whatsoever in the tone of his voice and the sentence wasn't said with any form of foreboding malice, but I still found myself panicking as the tall Jounin dragged me out of the clearing, watching helplessly as my teammate's faces receded behind the growing crowd of bushes. A rotten dread filled my stomach as I looked up to Sensei's now unreadable face. What had I done wrong this time?

He didn't take me far - only a few meters away from the field, really - which quelled my fears of him actually wanting to bring me to an untimely demise. Later I realized that if he'd wanted to kill me, he wouldn't have needed to get me alone in a forest. I would have simply disappeared right before everyone's eyes and he would shrug it off and tell everyone I'd been eaten by a rabid bear or something. But because that is irrelevant to what's going on right now, we'll save that for later.

When we finally topped, he turned to me sternly and shot an eye-crinkle for my benefit, crossing his arms and making his shoulders look relaxed. The more attention I paid, the more I could actually _feel _tangible waves of apprehension rolling off him. I inwardly sighed and looked away from his tense, grey gaze. _Offensive_.

"I'll get straight to the point then," he began kindly, leaning back against a tree. "I've gathered from your little spar that you have quite an unusual chakra signature."

I looked up at him, a little shocked. "How did you know?"

"When you've been trained properly, you know how to sense these things," he chuckled, then sighed. "Which also leads me to believe that you haven't, in fact, had proper training."

It was more a statement than a question, but I puffed up indignantly nevertheless.

"My old sensei was a good trainer! He was just... well, he was an idiot, that's all!" I deflated as he chuckled again.

"Either way, you still require a little more extensive training. From what I can tell, you release chakra on a constant basis through your respiratory system on a constant basis. While this would be near impossible and plain unnecessary for most, it seems your... conditions are different, correct?" I nodded slowly. He sighed again. "Well, as I said before, your chakra signature is strange. It's abnormally strong for a ninja of your age and rank - for any ninja, really - and very... probing, I suppose."

I shot him a confused look. "What does that mean?"

Kakashi-sensei looked at me unreadably for a moment, then glanced up at the canopy of trees thoughtfully.

"The only way to describe it is... very alive. Like a being in its own. Do you know what a chakra signature is? It's the unique flow of energy in every person - an aura, perhaps, but a little more feeling than that. Some people have a very strong presence in a room-" my thoughts immediately went to the Hokage, "- this is also due to chakra signature. It's different for everyone, but it usually takes the form as an ebbing or pulsing of chakra, or a rapid flame or cackle, depending on the ninja's affinities. Most shinobi know how to hide it on missions for the sake of stealth, but chakra is a part of you - and yours appears to be nearly unsuppressable. Not abnormally large, just very strong and very _real_."

I looked down at my hands with wide eyes. To be completely honest, the whole concept of chakra still baffled me. I mean, tangible energy that could literally be summoned to heighten the limits of a human body? It was insane! Something like _that_ was in _me_? I could feel a little blood drain from my face. It made me feel like a time bomb that might go off at any given second.

"My point is," he continued, rubbing the bridge of his nose tiredly, "Without stealth, a ninja is just a dog with a few good tricks. With a signature like yours, you'll be noticed a mile away."

I frowned at this and tried to push aside the guilt I was feeling for putting this poor guy that didn't even _like_me through so much trouble and tried to remember what Jiraiya had told me. All the reasons he'd made me jog after that stupid cart and chase myself around with all those stupid chores and drag him out of stupid villages with stupid, wriggly, creepy men... holy _crap_that was funny. I wish I could just relive that moment and do it all over again, if not only to see their faces. Hm... perhaps I was onto something with that jutsu. If I could just imitate that hand-seal again, maybe I could-

(_Snap!_) "Speed!"

"Pardon?" Kakashi-sensei blinked at me uncertainly. I grinned up at him sheepishly.

"My old sensei was onto something, I think. He said that to make up for the problems my chakra would cause on missions, I could become a specialist in speed. Although I resent the idea of jogging around after evil Sages that wear makeup while they lay on carts and write porn, I think it might actually work. The speed part, not the... well, you know. Look," I tried again at his bewildered expression. "Everything a ninja does physically in a fight typically relies on chakra, right? Well if I'm noticed while everyone else is trying to be all '_You can't see me_' I can buzz in, take them out, and be gone before anybody knows what hit them. Admittedly that's an awful excuse for an explanation and that sample situation probably made it seem less likely to work because I'm simply untalented with fancy illustrations like that, but seriously, just think about it." I inhaled deeply and closed my eyes, hoping he only really paid attention to the intelligent parts of my rant.

There was a long silence when the only things I could hear were the rustle of (too many) leaves and the distant sounds of Naruto going at it with Sasuke again. Another sinking feeling entered my stomach as I realized I'd probably just made myself look like an idiot again. Kakashi-sensei said nothing for an extended time and I shifted nervously. If he didn't like the idea then maybe I didn't need to be a ninja. Maybe I could just leave the village and expel chakra by meditating everyday for the rest of my life and be a useless faction to this world. Why couldn't I do that? It'd be much less trouble and-

A vivid picture of Tashi and Dad and Grandma Ama shone bright and clear before my eyes and my lids snapped open. No - I wouldn't be a coward. I was here and I needed to get through the show fair and square. I needed to do it for home... I needed to do it for myself.

A few feet in front of me, Kakashi-sensei fake-smiled and stood, dusting himself off a little as he righted himself.

"I see," he said finally. "Well it seems we might need to arrange you some separate training sessions. It will take a while, but we can continue this discussion another time."

I nodded. It was strange, the way he talked to me - it was more like he was addressing an associate rather than a student. While maybe I should have been flattered that he thought so highly of my intelligence, I still didn't fail to sense it for what it really was. Hostility. _Defensive_.

I almost reached out to tug at his sleeve as he casually brushed by me, but I thought better of it. Instead, I cleared my throat and hesitantly asked the older Jounin to wait. He complied stiffly, not turning to look at me as I steadied myself.

"Look, um, Sensei..." I looked down, embarassed. Perhaps confrontation wasn't the best idea... "I... I know you don't trust me."

His shoulders seemed to tense tenfold as soon as the words left my mouth, but still he didn't turn to face me. I rubbed my hands together nervously.

"But..." I suddenly worked up my nerve and straightened my spine, letting my voice sound resolved and confident. "But I can prove myself to you. I refuse to be a waste of a student."

It was then that he finally turned, twisting a little over his shoulders to look down at me. I summoned all the determination I could muster as I stared him dead in the eye, locking my knees and bowing low.

"I'll work hard and I won't complain. I'll take anything you throw at me, Sensei."

He looked down at the crown of my head thoughtfully. His face was stony and I glanced up in all seriousness, momentarily engaging him in an ultimate stare down. This went on for about a minute (but felt like an hour) before I looked back down again and bit my lip. Maybe I shouldn't have said anything. Did I step out of line? Did I just make the situation worse? I could always drop the whole ninja thing and leave Konoha - _Damn it_I've already gone through this. No running away! If worse comes to worst I'll just have to make do's with a sensei that doesn't like me. No big deal! It's not like-

A wave of warm relief washed all through me when I felt a large hand rest itself on my head and muss my hair up, even if it _was_so large he could probably fit the whole top of my skull in his palm. I looked up through the messy strands of hair as he turned away again and made his way back to the field. He wasn't smiling, but the accepting gesture was certainly a start. I stood a little to quickly and tripped after him, glancing up just in time to see him lazily pull out Jiraiya's little book.

I sighed.

_Maybe next time, Kaya. Maybe next time._

* * *

Training with Team Seven lasted significantly longer than with Team Gai, I noticed. It might have been everyones inability to focus on the training itself, or it might have been Kakashi-sensei becoming exceedingly too amused with our antics to bother stopping us anymore, but either way I didn't find myself sitting again until almost five, panting and letting the low sun pelt my back as the grass tickled my face.

Sakura was trying to get Sasuke's attention, Sasuke was trying to glare-murder Naruto, Naruto suddenly thought everything I did was hilarious, and I was just plain unable to concentrate any longer. My brain was a massive blur and mush of uselessness out of exhaustion.

"Okay, kids. I think that;s enough for today." Kakashi-sensei announced, snapping his book shut cheerfully and slipping it into his Jounin vest. "Everyone go home and we'll re-group here tomorrow at eight.

"Why so early?! You didnt' even get here until late!" Sakura cried.

"I'll be here on time, don't worry. Now everyone go get some rest." And with a _poof!_ he was gone.

Sakura groaned and turned back to Sasuke, only to find that he was already half-way down the path. She gasped and skipped after him, yelling at him to wait.

"Hey - Sasuke-kun! Ha - ha," he finally stopped, not turning to face her as she bent over her knees and gasped for breath. "I - um - I was just wondering - ha - if you're not too tired, if maybe you and me could go and get some-"

"No."

Another large block of stone pummeled the poor girl to the floor as he walked off indifferently. A part of me started to freak out again, but my incapability to form a coherent sentence only allowed me to sit and watch blankly as she sunk to the floor in silent despair. That, of course, is when Naruto decided to pop up out of the blue.

"Sakura-chan! Forget about Sasuke, he's a loser - hey, now that training's over do you think you'd want to go get some ramen with me-"

"_No Stupid_!" she punched him square in the face and sent the poor kid flying backward.

I pushed myself to my knees as she stomped off in the other direction. _'Did someone just say... ramen?'_

Right on cue, my stomach growled like a small dinosaur in my belly and I was abruptly very awake. Kaya needs food. _Now._

My food ticket senses zeroed in on a depressed looking Naruto and I was at his side in seconds.

"Hey, uh, Naruto?" he looked around at me, surprised. I grinned at him sheepishly, pretending to be embarrassed. '_Food, Food, Food, Food-'_

"Don't worry about Sakura, she'll come around eventually."

'_No! What are you doing, woman?! FOOD!_'

"Oh! Thanks, Kaya-chan!" he puffed out his orange-clad chest importantly. "I know she won't be able to resist me for long!"

"Um, yeah. Okay," _growwwl_, "But in the meantime, do you think I could come eat with you? Only as friends, I mean, but I don't really know my way around yet so..."

The look on his (ridiculously round) face was so cute I almost glomped him. He looked so genuinely shocked - people must not want to eat with him often. Well, it's what you get for being so loud all the time-

"Yeah, awesome!" he grabbed my arm and suddenly I was flying. Like, literally flapping in the wind by my arm.

"Naruto - too fast-"

"You're gunna love Ichiraku's, Kaya - they have the best ramen in the world!"

I giggled a little as we blurred by a stricken looking woman who'd immediately dropped her groceries and gaped at out mad hunger flight.

_'How did a kid like _this_ get his own TV show?'_


	10. Chapter 9: Of Long Days and Redundancy

**A/N: **So I realize that this chapter is horribly short and totally not what you deserve for waiting so long, but this was the hump I needed to get over in order to start following the show's time-line. Plus, it actually turned out not to be such a complete epic failure. Which is good! Once again, thank you so much for everyone's amazing support and fueling me with the confidence to keep this story going! I couldn't have done it without you! So please forgive the humongously ridiculous wait and enjoy the latest installment of WHSG!

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Naruto or any of the characters in it. Yosh.

* * *

**Chapter 9 - Of Long Days and Redundancy**

I stared at the menu blankly, waiting for God to fall out of the sky and laugh at me. The one evil that was beginning to dominate my life and obstruct me from living in relative peace...

_Kanji_.

Naruto slurped down what was left of his steaming third bowl of ramen and looked over at me with the most adorable worried expression I'd ever seen. Again I was hit with the crazy urge to glomp him, but refrained for the sake of looking sane. I settled for a frown.

"What's wrong, Kaya? Do you not like anything? Ichiraku's is the best, I promise! If you just try it-"

"No, no- It's not that!" I stopped him before his anxiety gave him puppy-dog eyes. Jeez, this place must be _really_ important to him. "It's just that -um- it all looks so... good?"

He immediately beamed. "Sure it is! You got pork ramen and beef ramen and spicy ramen and veggie ramen and-"

"Okay, I get it." I looked down at the menu apprehensively and pointed to on of the less harmless looking names. "I'll have that."

"Coming right up, Miss," said the middle-aged shopkeeper. He slid Naruto a sly wink before disappearing into the booth. I blinked, then turned back to him.

"So Naruto..." I searched my head for potential topics of conversation to use in awkward moments. I didn't find any. Instead I spun around in my stool a couple of times before sticking with the most obvious of inquiries. "Why did you want to be a ninja?"

He brandished a dramatic fist at me. "To be Hokage, believe it!"

A picture of the old, wise Hokage flashed through my mind and I stared at him. He had said something about that before... no offense to him, but he was like, the complete opposite of Mr. Hokage. Plus Mr. Hokage was old. Hell, _all_ of them were old!

"Why would you want to be old?" I asked distantly. He scratched his head.

"Um... I wouldn't. I want to be Hokage!"

"Yeah but the Hokage is old." I replied, as though it were the most obvious thing in the world. "The council is old too. And scary. I can't picture you being old or scary."

He scrunched up his nose distastefully. "I'll never be old! Wrinkles are weird."

I realized with a smack in the face that I'd just told him I'd met the council. Damn it! Not smart! Good thing he's so unobservant or that would have caused problems.

I nodded in agreement. "Yes. Wrinkles are very weird. You know what else is weird?"

He stared at me with wide, expectant eyes. I inhaled deeply.

"Babies."

"Huh?"

"Babies. When babies are born they're all wrinkly like old people. It's totally weird. And then they grown up to be little evil primates. It's awful!" I sighed dramatically. Naruto looked thoroughly confused.

"But babies can't be Hokage. They aren't ninjas!"

"Maybe not, but babies have lots of power over people. Can you imagine what it would be like if babies ruled the world?"

We both drifted off into our individual horrific scenarios as Ichiraku-Man returned to the counter and set two bowls down on the table. He looked at us strangely.

"What in the world are you two talking about?"

I shrugged and Naruto stuffed his chopsticks back into his mouth thoughtfully. I'd followed that conversation about as much as he had.

I turned my attention to the ramen bowl in front of me, only to be caught by a delicious wave of steam that smelled like everything wonderful in the world. Literally. Anything you can think of that makes you happy when you smell it. Not including crack. Or perfume. I know that makes some people happy but... that's not what I mean. Food-wise... sure.

Anyway, I wasn't entirely sure what happened, but in about five seconds that bowl was empty and my stomach was purring happily. Naruto wasn't kidding when he said this place was great. It was downright _addicting_. I looked up to find Naruto in about the same condition as me, only with five empty bowls stacked up in front of him. Okay, so I take that last thing I said back. This ramen was the equivalent to ramen crack. I gave him a wide-eyed look of awe.

"Naruto..." I whispered. "That was the most amazing bowl of ramen I've ever had in my entire life!"

He grinned. "I know! I told you! You want another one?" I didn't even have time to answer before another bowl was placed in front of me. I didn't have time to think before that bowl was empty too. I mean, holy _crap_. It was like my body gained a mind of its own. Ichiraku ramen had mind-control powers!

The rest of the ramen session pretty much passed like that, me stopping occasionally to ask Naruto a question or make small talk. Every once in a while I would get the weird feeling that someone was watching me, but each time I looked up to check he was minding his own business, a big smile on his face. Was it _that _special to be eating out with him? I wasn't sure how many bowls I had, but by the time Mr. Ichiraku was handing Naruto the bill, I'd completely forgotten that I was... poor.

I felt my face heat up when I realized that I'd taken up his offer without any money. At all. _Crap_ this was going to be awkward - I just met the guy and already he's going to think I'm a cheapo. Life sucks _so_ bad.

"Hey, Naruto?" he looked up at me still smiling, making my stomach drop. I _despise_ asking for money. "Um... I sort of -er- I'm a little bit... dead broke." I finished pathetically, bowing my head in shame. "I promise I'll pay you back as soon as I can, though and-"

"No problem, Kaya-chan! I'll pay for you!" I looked up to find him already digging through his jumpsuit enthusiastically, tongue poking out of his mouth in concentration.

I took a second to really look at him. He was such a weird kid. What on Earth did he have to be so happy about? He's growing what either looks like a deformed attempt at facial hair or what is very definitely a pair of _whiskers_, is spontaneous, stupid, and ridiculously hyperactive, and is turning out to be a genuinely nice person. Not that I'd expected him to be 'mean' really... I'd just never really paid attention to anyone who didn't measure up to my made-up standards in terms of intelligence before. If they looked stupid and talked stupid, then they were automatically looked over... I'd never actually considered that some of them must be _nice_.

My eyes widened as Naruto's blue eyes lit up upon finding what he was looking for and I had the first of many small epiphanies. There really was more than statistics and vocabulary and carefully practiced social engagements when it came to people. They were _happy_ and _sad_ and _felt_ things. Humans can't be classified as 'smart' or 'stupid'. Maybe the real 'smart' people are the ones that only play dumb... for the sake of others. People so kind and determined and like _this_ kid that don't even think about paying for someone they only just met. No hesitation, no calculating - just human nature. Some people just wanted friends... that's all they needed to be happy. Not a high IQ. For the first time I realized just what being a part of this story would entitle - learning things about life and myself that would affect-

"Oh my dear sweet lord," I whispered excitedly to myself and pointed a trembling finger at the object in Naruto's hands.

"Wha- Oh, this?" he held it up cheerfully. "Isn't it cool?!"

The frog-money pouch gaped up at me from his outstretched palms and I squealed in delight.

"Naruto! That is the most amazing wallet on the face of the planet!" I poked it affectionately and grinned at him. "You have taste, my friend."

And suddenly I knew, not by calculating or observing or thinking, but by feeling - instinct - that that's just what we were - friends.

Apparently Naruto thought so too, but just as he was about to give me the most heart-warming grin I'd ever seen in my life, Mr. Ichiraku piped in cheerfully.

"Sure, sure. It's too bad it's empty again, _Naruto_."

Somewhere not too far off I heard an anime-rock hit the ground - this time I ignored it.

"Aw, man!" His blue eyes squinted shut irritably as the pouch emitted a small puff of dust. A little got in my throat and I coughed as Naruto pouted at the man.

"Naruto, I can't afford to give you any more free meals..."

Naruto's eyes went as big as saucers and his lower lip stuck out woefully.

Mr. Ichiraku rolled his eyes and grumbled. "I'll put it on your tab then..."

"Alright!" Naruto exclaimed triumphantly. I laughed and stood.

"Well, it was very nice eating with you, Naruto. I'm glad you took me with you," I scratched the back of my head and smiled apologetically. "I should probably go now, though. I'm going to be really sore tomorrow."

Something flashed across his face for a second that made me worried, but it was gone as soon as it'd come. A cheesy grin quickly took it's place.

"Yeah, sure Kaya! See you at training tommorow!"

I nodded and waved, about to turn and leave when Mr. Ichiraku spoke up.

"I'll open up a tab for you too, Ms. Kaya - If you're on Naruto's genin team we'll probably be seeing a lot of each other."

For some reason, as he said that, my hand froze on the curtain and my smile faltered. I corrected myself quickly though and turned back to him in time to cover it up.

"Sure! I'll be seeing you too, Ramen-Man!"

He chuckled and shook his head as I waved one more time and left the booth, letting my smile soften as I walked away. I could hear Naruto and Mr. Ichiraku chatting with abnormal enthusiasm in the background, but my thoughts effectively drowned them out as I turned the corner.

Something about the way he'd said that was so welcoming... so familiar and casual that it'd struck me again that this wasn't my home. I didn't have a family here, a past... I might as well be virtually nonexistent. But still I'm opening up to people here more than I'd ever done in my world - I was making _friends_ for God's sake. People were putting my onto teams, opening tabs for me, giving me an apartment - I didn't _belong _here, and yet these people were fitting me into their lives like I always had. It didn't make any sense. For a second I almost wished they all saw me how Kakashi-sensei and the Council did, if only to remind me that I wasn't supposed to be here and that my family was somewhere in another _universe_ wondering why I didn't come home that day. I... I had to remember...

The sun began to set somewhere off in the distance. I looked up to find myself on a completely deserted, completely unfamiliar street. A sweat-drop rolled down my forehead.

"Damn it!" I kicked a rock angrily. "Why has no one here heard of 'convenience'?!"

* * *

Eventually I found my way home by following landmarks - like the Hokage tower and the sign I'd earlier wished death upon and a tree with a branch that looked remarkably like President Nixon's nose, etc. etc. The sun had set and only the occasional late-nighter passed me on the sidewalk.

When I finally remembered which number my apartment was and reached the front door it was evening. I paused with my hand above the doorknob. Something wasn't right. I looked around cautiously and put my ear to the door, closing my eyes in concentration. I knew I was being ridiculous but something told me that ninjas were supposed to be suspicious and stuff, so it felt good to follow my instincts. At first nothing happened and I chided myself for being stupid, but quite suddenly a sharp ringing pierced my ears and sent me stumbling backwards into the wall. I clapped a hand over my mouth to stifle my gasp as my head was suddenly dizzy with the most concentrated, minute sounds. I could hear the blood pulsing through my veins, the hum of the light fixtures, the loud tapping of quiet feet in the rooms around me...

I lowered my hand tentatively and cocked my head a little, intrigued. Was this my chakra's doing? No wonder ninjas were so freaky with their superpowers and whatnot - I could hear freaking _everything_. The scuttling of little feet caught my attention and I was drawn to a little ant comacozee-diving into a buzzing lamp attached to the wall. His name shall be Bob. No... Kevin. Yes... Kevin. Wait - no! Don't do it little buddy! Life is worth it-!

There was suddenly a loud _poof! _that vibrated through my skull and sent my focus plummeting downwards. Suicide-Ant was lost now and somebody had just poof-ed. _In my room_.

Teddy.

I shook my head of vertigo and made a note to try out my super-hearing later on. On an impulse, I slammed the door open and dive-rolled through the threshold clumsily, smashing face-first into the back of the couch.

"Ow! Son of a-" I immediately jumped back up and straightened myself, acting like I hadn't just performed the most idiotic act of my life in attempt to be all 'Mission Impossible' or something. It took me a moment to register that I was completely alone. Well... that was certainly anticlimatic.

I scratched my head wearily and plumped down on the couch the weight of the day finally catching up to me. I'd just had the most vigorous exercise of my life, had an awesome bowl of ramen with a kid that looks like a cat, accomplished three or so personal epiphanies, scoured the entire building for my 'dwelling', failed to convince an insect named Kevin that life was worth living, and discovered that people I don't know have been poofing in and out of my house at random intervals. Who or how many I would probably never find out. Talk about stressful.

But somehow, even after all the excitement I wasn't used to, I still felt lonely now in this dark, less than familiar living room surrounded by less than familiar people in a world that shouldn't exist. I felt like everything around me was a fog now - like I was the only real thing in a place made of mist and illusion. Why did all the people here seem so real? Why did I find myself wanting to be accepted by them? They were just characters... in an anime...

My eyes drifted heavily and I felt my head droop to the side in exaughstion. A picture of my family tumbled across the coffee table as the fan drafted up a breeze and landed on the floor, sweeping under my line of vision as my sight blurred. The last thought I had before falling asleep was the vague recollection of taping that picture to the ceiling...

* * *

"Oh, hell."

I poked the red patch of doom on my forehead and sighed all my grievances. Of all the minor injuries I'd acquired yesterday, the _one_ that had to be there when I woke up was sunburn. Sunburn! How evil. How perfectly, freakishly maniacal. When I die, God better _pray_ that I'm not going to heaven.

On top of this, it was early. _Again_.

"I feel like such an old person..." I kicked the sink bitterly. "... How freaking queer."

On the bright side, however, my scratches and bruises were mostly all healed. It still didn't cease to amaze me how quickly that disappeared. Just _zoom!_ Gone. I would say '_poof!_' but that would piss me off in a whole bundle of ways. So zoom.

Zoom.

Anyway, the whole thing made me feel like some awesome superhero. Defending justice and... doing other just stuff! It was along this particular train of thought that I found myself perched on the toilet with a fist in the air and bedsheets tied around my neck, flapping in the imaginary wind. I blinked.

"Holy crap. I'm an idiot." Then I climbed down and continued on with my life.

It was still dark out (again!) as I made my way to what I hoped was the bridge. I realized vaguely that I was starting to make a habit out of travelling when no one was actively conscious. Either it was my newly developing (awesome) ninja intuition, or my subconscious refusal to be seen in public at this ridiculous height. I mean, seriously? Seriously?! _No one _should have to suffer being so short. It was absurd, I tell you, _absurd!_ I wasn't even the cute, disproportionate sort of short where maybe your torso was a little squat and your legs a little chunky - I was completely normally built, only _fun-sized_. So help me, somebody is going to pay for this humiliation one day-

"Oh," I paused as I found myself in the same spot as yesterday, staring down at the lake absently. Was that what it took to activate my navigational skills? Inner ravings on the woes of life stuck in an anime? (Sigh). How depressing.

I plopped down under the railing and slipped off my sandals, dipping my feet in the water and swirling my toes around a few drifting leaves. I was getting too used to having new people around. I've always been a loner at heart so it was typically easier to think when no one was around, but now... all I can think about is how alone I am. You'd think in a town full of random people I'd be complacent but noo... damn Naruto making me feel all cuddly-wuddly with the concept of company. I slammed my face against the beam. What's happening to me?!

"What are you doing?"

"Ah!"

I fell into the water with a loud '_ca-plunk_'. Actually, I fell _onto_ the water and the sound was more of a '_splat_', but Jiraiya had told me that my awesome Jesus abilities weren't normal for a genin to know yet. So, being the bright, quick-witted individual I am, I dunked my entire head in the river before hurtling myself melodramatically back onto the bridge.

"Stop sneaking up on me, damn you!" I faltered when I realized it was Sasuke, and that he probably still wanted to kill me. Oops.

He gave me a blank look. "Maybe you should be more observant."

I felt my face heat up angrily. _Ooh_, did I want to punch him again!

Instead of replying, I huffed and shook my hair out, hoping he got soaked.

"Stupid, sneaky little..." I grumbled and took my seat. Why was I always stuck with _him_?

_Growwll._ And why am I always so freaking hungry?!

"Do you have any food on you, by chance?"

He looked at me irately. "You asked me that yesterday."

"Good memory," I nodded in approval. "But seriously. Do you?"

He glared and I took that as a 'no'.

I sighed and looked off to where the sun was rising, then looked back down and twiddled my thumbs. Then I glanced up at him, then at my lap, then at the water, and soon I was bored. I miss my suicidal ant.

"What do you like to do in your free time?" I asked suddenly.

He blinked. "Train."

My nose scrunched up. "Ew."

Silence.

"So... what's the literacy rate here?"

Now he just looked exasperated. "_What?_"

"You know, people who can read?" I smiled sheepishly. "Sorry, this conversation made more sense in my head."

He sighed and put on a very disgruntled expression. I stifled a giggle. "I don't know. High."

"Crap." I sulked. Now I didn't have an excuse.

There was a moment of silence before I realized that most normal people would have outwardly demanded a reason for such an odd question. Seriously. No one was _this _untalkative. It was then that I invented the game that would forever change the course of history - the "Get Sasuke to Participate in Conversation" game.

"So... Sasuke," I felt weird saying his name out loud, but continued anyway. "Why did _you_ want to be a ninja?"

Suddenly his whole demeanor darkened and a shadow fell over his face. I blinked and looked around.

"I... I became a ninja for one purpose only. To kill a certain... _someone_."

I edged away from him carefully. Great. He's homicidal. How I love life.

"Um... okay, Chuckles." I rubbed my neck. "Better question, what's your favorite food?"

He didn't lighten up, but it seemed to reach him through the thick cloud of angst. I don't think he would have answered me under normal conditions, but he seemed to be lost in some deep flash-back, so his reply was subconscious.

"Tomatoes."

I perked up. "Do you like cheese?"

"Yes."

I clapped my hands delightedly and he twitched back into reality. "Then you would love pizza!"

He raised an eyebrow. I gasped. People here don't know what pizza is?! Lord save us all!

"Yeah, its -er- a cultural food from my... village... thing."

His face went blank again as my stomach growled. "You're annoying."

I sighed sullenly and gave up on the game. I was bored again. "Yeah, you said that already."

My Spidey-senses are sensing redundancy!

I kicked at a rock and watched it plop into the water. "You're not much of a conversationalist are you?"

He leaned back and stuffed his hands in his pockets. "No."

"Good," I nodded approvingly. "Conversation is overrated anyway."

He gave me a weird look, but I ignored it. Yes, I was very aware that I'd just totally contradicted myself, but it was all for the sake of information. Sasuke was a potential future murderer that would probably like pizza. Fantastic. But it didn't really strike me that his words made him dangerous. He was just a twelve year old kid sitting on a bridge, being heckled uselessly. I'd just learned much more about him than he could possibly know. I stored that information away for psychoanalysis later.

In the meantime, I leaned back against the beam and sighed forlornly. All was quiet.

"So..." I twiddled my thumbs. "What's your favorite color?"

* * *

"...You have _got_ to be kidding me."

A large group of mismatched dogs stared me in the face, taunting me with their big eyes and full bladders.

"Unfortunately not, Kaya. Team, you mission for today: escort these fine canines-"

"We're walking _dogs_?!" Naruto stomped his feet angrily.

No, seriously. He did.

"I think Naruto had a point..." Sakura chipped in sulkily."How does this give us experience as ninjas?"

Kakashi-sensei paused thoughtfully, then took out his book. "It's a mission assigned by the Hokage," he said simply. "And what's a ninja's job?"

Sakura rolled her eyes and Naruto sighed as they recited dryly, "_Complete the mission_."

Kakashi-sensei patted them on the heads. "Good job. Now get going, kids!"

We all gave him a good collection of glares before setting off to phase one; picking our dogs.

I cringed as a big pit-bull started drooling on my exposed toes. I'm not good with dogs. Seriously, they're right up there on the list with kids and hospitals. They just do not mix. There were about ten dogs before us, which meant I would probably need about two or three to make it even. I rubbed my hands together.

"Okay," I prepped myself, "Here we go."

"Kaya," Sakura poked me, "That one keeps staring at you."

It was the pit-bull. Lovely.

"Crap." I crawled behind Sakura gingerly and peered out from under her arm. "Is it a creepy stare or an 'I need to poop' stare?"

"Its... um, it kind of really creepy. It's coming over here."

Indeed, it was sauntering over the grass into our personal bubbles. I made a squealing noise and backed into a tree.

"Dude, get it away from me!" It's tongue lolled out of its mouth as it neared ever closer. "It's going to kill me! He's half my size - I'm going to die!"

"Kaya, calm down. It's going at like, zero miles per hour." Sakura giggled as the portly god trudged thickly towards poor, hyperventilating me. "Besides, I think he just likes you."

I pressed myself as close as humanly possible to the tree and the dog paused, sitting down on its fat haunches and giving me the most disgustingly adoring look. _Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God-_

"Why are you so scared of it, Kaya?" Naruto picked up its leash and pulled at it with all of his might. "I'll save you!"

It didn't even acknowledge him. In fact, it actually stood back up and jumbled right over to my leg, dragging Naruto in its wake. I squealed as it sucked my entire calve into its gigantic jowls.

"Ew!" I shook my leg violently. No affect. "Get it off! Repressed memories coming back to haunt me!"

Naruto tugged on its collar. "It's just - not - moving!"

"What memories could you possibly have repressed that relate to this situation?" Sakura asked incredulously. I shivered.

"A dog tried to eat me when I was six." A man-eating chiuaua, in fact.

"...Oh."

"Couldn't have been too difficult to accomplish."

My head snapped to where Sasuke was smirking in a corner with a little black pug at his side. I think the pug was smirking too.

"Was that a crack at my height?!" I demanded. "Since when did Giggles get a sense of humor?"

He shrugged and walked into the trees. I started to go after him in a rage, but tripped over the dog's gigantic head.

"Damn it!" I shook my fist in the air in despair as Sakura rushed to help me up. "I'LL GET YOU, SASUKE! IF IT'S THE LAST THING I DO! I MEAN I HAVE A FREAKISHLY AUTISTIC DOG ATTACHED BY THE MOUTH TO MY DOMINANT LEG SO I NEED TO ADDRESS THAT FIRST, BUT AFTERWARDS-"

"Kaya," Kakashi-sensei's head popped out from a canopy of trees. I flinched.

"Y-yeah?"

He lifted a finger to his mask. "Inside voices,"

He was gone before I could offer a shaky nod.

"That Bastard!" Naruto grabbed Freaky Dog's leash and pulled again. "I can beat him at anything, anytime, anyplace! Watch me, Sakura-chan!"

We were once again confronted with a large cloud of dirt as Naruto raced around the area with amazing strength and speed and gathered up about three more dogs before charging into the forest after him. Sakura and I stared.

Finally, I turned to her. "I'm starting to see a pattern here."

She nodded, then slipped back into dreamy preteen girl- mode. "Sasuke-kun is so cool."

I rubbed the bridge of my nose and inconspicuously used the edge of her dress to wipe away the slobber on my leg. "Yep. Definitely a pattern."


	11. Chapter 10: A Real Mission

**A/N: **Again, I'm late. I'm very very sorry. On the bright side, I've already started on the next couple of chapters. Yays! There wasn't a lot of time to focus on the humor, but next chapter I'll get right on it! Enjoy!

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Naruto or any of the characters in it. All events and dialogue from the original manga/anime are owned by Masashi Kishimoto. Yosh.

* * *

**Chapter 10 - A **_**Real**_** Mission: Journey to the Land of Sea or Water or Something.**

The sun shone brightly overhead and trickled through the trees as a suspenseful breeze sung through the forest. The rustling of leaves and the echo of working static could be heard in the tense silence. An earbud hummed in the distance.

"_Sasuke. I'm at Point B._" _chh._

Intensity rang in the atmosphere.

"_Sakura. I'm at Point C._" _chh._

"_Naruto. Point A, believe it!_" _chh._

"_You're _slow_ Naruto._' _chh._

...

"_Kaya?_" _chh._

...

"_Kaya!_" _chh._

_chhh._ "_Holy fuck, how do you work this thi-_"_ chh._

"_Just put it in your ear, Kaya-chan!_"_ chh._

"_...Oh. Sorry. Yeah, roger that... or something._" _chh._

Sigh. "_Okay, Squad seven, - hm?_"

A shadowed creature leapt out from the trees and darted into the bushed with a dizzying speed. Kakashi-sensei's voice over the mike turned urgent.

"_Target has moved! Follow it!_"

Naruto poked his head out from a random tree stealthily.

"It's over there!" he whisper-yelled. Sasuke and Sakura appeared nearby him in similar fashions.

I blinked as it occurred to me that I was nowhere near them and stumbled out of my bush to catch up. With all the grace of a blind chicken, of course.

"Hey!" I panted when I finally reached Sakura's tree. I'd been chasing these people around all freaking morning. Just... so not cool. "How'd you get all the way over here?!"

Nobody looked at me, but Sasuke kindly offered an annoyed '_Shh!_'. Then they all moved again and I was left standing alone.

"Crap!" I resumed chasing after them.

Kakashi-sensei's bored voice sounded over the ear piece. "_What's your distance from the target?_" _chh._

Naruto squinted his eyes in concentration as I approached his tree in all my befuddled glory. "Five meters. I'm ready, just give me the signal!"

Snigger. They use the metric system here.

"Hey, you guys-"

"I'm ready too."

"So am I."

"Excuse me-"

_chh. _"_Okay... now!_"

Everyone pounced at once. Leaves and twigs and pink hair went flying, but it was Naruto who managed to incapacitate the evil cat first. Or try to, at least.

"I got him, I got him!" He declared triumphantly as the feline brutally attacked his face, claws, teeth, and all.

I tumbled into the clearing just a beat too late and assumed what I fondly referred to as the '_I swear to God I'll poke you in the eye_,' stance. My head whipped around readily. "Wha-? Who-?"

"_Can you verify the ribbon on its right ear?_" _chh_.

Sasuke turned and straightened up all importantly. "Affirmative. We have a positive ID."

"_Right. Lost pet Tora, captured. Mission complete._"

"Affirmative ID? It's a _cat_." I fell back on my butt and sighed, grateful to finally be off my feet. "You know, this kind of sucks. Do we have to use these things? I feel like a cheap James Bond."

"Can't we get a better mission than _this_?! I HATE CATS!"

Sasuke scowled and ripped out his earbud. He glared at the blonde reproachfully. "Stop complaining, dobe."

Naruto screeched as what was formally known as 'Tora' landed a gruesome scratch to his chin. I sniggered.

"Dude. It's like, latching onto your face."

"Get it off!" Naruto tried to roll onto his side. Tora clawed her fury. "I like my face!"

"Loser."

Sakura grabbed at the cat's belly. "Hold still, Naruto!"

"_Ahhh_!"

Kakashi-sensei popped down from a tree and cast a blank look at the two's struggles before turning to me and Sasuke.

"Okay, team. Time to go report."

I blinked. "We have to report? To who?"

"I think I have rabies!" Naruto sobbed as Sakura finally got a reign on the weird cat. Kakashi-sensei eye-crinkled.

"To the owner, of course."

* * *

I was just through the threshold to the room when a hideously obese woman tackled poor Sakura to the ground and snatched the cat away, screaming and blubbering her heart out. The ballet-studio-like room echoed with her thundering footsteps. Naruto made an appalled noise as she proceeded to molest the poor thing to its death. I should stress this, actually. She practically _raped_ it. Sickening, I tell you. Sickening.

"Oooh, my poor little Tora! Mommy was so worried about you!" she cooed songfully. Tora sobbed. "Aw, my little fuzzy-kins, yeeah!"

I leaned over to Sakura, more than slightly horrified. "Who is that woman again?"

"The Feudal Lord's wife," she winced as the cat's eyes bugged out of its face. "Scary, isn't she?"

"Ah," Her chins wobbled and I was sucked into a strange, morbid trance. "Dear God... it's... ghastly."

Naruto laughed as Tora cried tears of terror. "Haha! Stupid cat! That kitty deserves to be squished!"

"No wonder she ran away." Sakura said.

I nodded. "No one deserves that fate."

Everyone sighed collectively.

"Now then," someone began tiredly. Being the inquisitive soul I am, I looked around for the source. My eyes widened when they landed on-

"Jesus!" I squeaked. None other than the Hokage himself sat tiredly at a long conference table, taking a resigned puff of his pipe. Sakura threw me a questioning look when I stiffened to attention. The Hokage was here? Did we do something wrong? Was I going to be exiled and forced to live on a mountaintop, fending for myself and living off flambéed raccoons?! Why was everyone just standing around?!

Mr. Hokage, looking awfully bored in all of his elderly glory, sighed and picked up a scroll. "For Squad seven's next mission we have several available tasks..."

I stopped. We weren't being punished? Then isn't this sort of a... trivial thing for a Hokage to do? Did I misjudge his significance?

"Among them, babysitting a councilor's three-year-old," I twitched. Violently. "Helping his wife do the shopping," Sakura sighed. "Carrying potatoes," Sasuke kicked an invisible pebble. "Pulling weeds-"

"_NOO!_"

Everyone looked at Naruto, who was suddenly emitting a loud, obnoxious groan. I stared at him with something akin to horror. He just interrupted the Hokage! He can't do that, can he?!

"I wanna' go on a real mission! Something challenging and exciting, not this little kid stuff!" he squinted and pouted. "Come on, Old Man!"

My eyes darted around in panicked disbelief as I waited for someone, _anyone_ to shut him up. Sasuke's look said, '_he's got a point_', Sakura looked a little agitated and Kakashi-sensei just looked like he saw this one coming. I tugged on Sasuke's arm. He looked down with an annoyed expression, then blinked. I realized I probably looked like I was about to keel over and have an epileptic seizure, so I tried to tune down the '_freak-out-o-meter_'. Just a bit.

"He can't do that can he?!" I whispered frantically, getting more jumpy with each absurdity that flew out of the blonde's mouth. "Why is no one stopping him?!"

He might have answered me, but before I could react some guy with a gaping scar across his face slammed his fists on the table and shot out of his seat angrily. Part of me was relieved and the other part passed out.

"HOW DARE YOU! You're just a brand-new genin with no experience! Like everyone else, you start out with simple missions to develop your skills and prove yourself!"

My shoulders actually sagged with relief. Then Naruto opened his mouth again.

"Are you serious?! Babysitting isn't a mission it's just a stupid-"

My fist made contact with the back of his head. Several people in the room blinked. Repeatedly.

"Naruto... _why?_"

Then I bowed. While I whole-heartedly agreed with him, there was a time and place for bitching. That place was _not_ in front of the guy providing me food and shelter.

"I'm sorry Mr. Hokage! Naruto was just virtually mauled by a distraught cat. Please excuse his untimely tantrum!"

Kakashi-sensei sighed and the Hokage began to laugh. A sweat drop rolled down my head.

"It's good to see you're fitting in, Kaya-san." he chuckled.

"...Thank you, Sir." I replied weakly. Then I shrunk into a hunch of a human and went to go hide behind Sasuke, who was now officially dubbed my human shield. On days we didn't mutually want to harm each other.

Mr. Hokage rubbed his brow as Naruto started crying again. "Any whom, it seems you do not understand the tasks you have been given," he paused to consider us, then removed his pipe and rested it in his hand. "Listen, many different kinds of requests come into our village everyday. From babysitting to assassinations..."

And then there were several long explanations and many graphic charts that we won't get into for the sake of our story, but all in all after a few answered questions and a lot of patience, I was thoroughly enlightened on the shinobi mission ranking system. Along with several other completely irrelevant topics. Who said old people don't ramble?

By the time he finally decided we'd been lectured enough, Naruto had been rolling off detailed accounts of his many ramen adventures for about five minutes. A vein twitched in his head.

"_Silence_!"

I jumped and Kakashi-sensei rubbed his head. "Oh. Sorry."

Well, _I_ thought it was interesting.

Naruto spun around. "You always lecture me like you're my grandfather or something! I'm not the little brat who used to pull pranks all the time - I'm a ninja now and I want a ninja mission! Hm!" he pouted defiantly.

Oh no... glomping urges... taking over!

"Ah! Kaya-chan, you're choking me!"

"Shut up. You're cute. Be my puppy!" Hm. I feel sporadic today.

Kakashi sensei sighed again in the background. "I'm going to hear about this later..."

Suddenly Mr. Hokage and Guy with Gaping Nose Scar laughed, re-drawing collective attention. Hokage plucked his pipe up contently and shoved it back in his mouth.

He shrugged. "So be it."

"...Huh?"

"Since you are so determined, Naruto, I'm going to give Squad seven a C-ranked mission." I tried to calculate the level of that in my head absently. Was C high or low? Are there records of these things? I pictured a report card with three D's and a C and died a little inside. "You'll be bodyguards on a journey."

Two words in that statement caught my attention. 'Journey' and 'Bodyguard'. Great.

"Do I look like a bodyguard to you?" I mumbled to myself depressingly. I rocked onto my tip-toes. If I were just a tiny bit taller...

Naruto jumped up eagerly. "Really?! Yes! Who, who? Are we guarding a princess-?" What is it with Naruto and princesses, I pondered vaguely. A fetish, perhaps? "- or some big-league councilor?!"

Hokage sighed like he was already regretting this. "Don't be so impatient. I will bring him in now." He lifted his head and released a puff of smoke. "Send in our visitor!"

We all looked to the door expectantly. A second went by and nothing happened. Then he entered.

I knew this was going to be trouble when the first thing through the doorway was a suspicious looking bottle of alcohol. I rubbed my face. "Here we go..."

"_What the-_" came the gravelly slur of the old man. He wore dirty peasant clothes and a white rope tied around his forehead. Just his countenance made me wish I'd stayed home this morning. "A buncha' snot-nosed kids?" Twitch. He took some sloppy gulps of his beer or whatever . "And you, the little one with the idiotic look on your face, you really expect me to believe you're a ninja?"

Naruto started to say something, but was silenced when everyone took a cautious step away from me. I pretty much imploded.

"God _damn it_! I am not short! Where I'm from I was a perfectly healthy, if not above average height! I'm going to take that rope on your _face_ and tie it around your _neck_!"

Kakashi-sensei grabbed my head boredly as I tried to charge at him. "Kaya, you can't demolish the client. It doesn't work that way."

"Oh, we'll see how things work when I _dissect_ him!"

The old man gulped some more 'stuff', completely disregarding my entirely viable threats. "I am Tazuna, a master bridge builder-" I snorted. "- and I must return to my country. I'm building a bridge there that will change our world-" I snorted even louder. Sasuke stepped on my foot. "-and I expect you to get me there safely... even if it means giving up your life."

There was a long, dramatic silence during which I crossed my arms and fumed to myself. There was no way I was going to die for this Tazuna character any time soon. Who would want to murder a bridge-builder, anyway? Was he that conceited? Well, he did hire four ninjas as escorts, didn't he? Ooh, _bad_ things are going to happen to this guy, I thought gleefully.

"Okay then." Kakashi-sensei snapped everyone out of their trances, "Everybody go home and pack. We'll meet at the gate in half an hour."

"W-what?!" I gaped at him as Sakura and Naruto cheered. "We just finished a mission! We're going so soon?!"

"You bet." He eye-crinkled (evilly). "Team seven, dismissed." _Poof!_

"But-" I turned to Sakura, only to find a vacant space of air. Surprise, surprise; everyone else had left too.

I looked back to the Hokage helplessly, who waved with a pleasant smile on his face. I groaned and started running for the umpteenth time that day.

"Crap!"

* * *

I jiggled the doorknob impatiently. Damn ninjas and their assumption that everyone on the face of the earth is ready to pick up and ditch everything at moment's notice. Not that I had anything to ditch, but still. Not cool. I wasn't even used to this village yet and suddenly I'm getting shipped off to some distant country? On _foot_? Curses. Curses from every holy figure ever adhered to. The key clicked and I kicked it in satisfaction. I wouldn't have time to pack; I'd just have to stuff my toothbrush and a change of clothes-

The door swung open and I was met with two ridiculous looking animal masks. On my couch. With their feet on the table. Playing cards?

"Oh great," I sighed dramatically and kicked the door shut. Poor abused door... "What? Is my apartment the fab new ANBU hangout now? Don't you people have homes? Or bad guys to annihilate?"

Teddy's head popped up from the backboard. If he had a face, it would have blinked. "Kaya-san. You are home early."

I took a moment to throw something random at his head (don't worry, he caught it) before continuing into my room. "I'm not going to ask how you know that. You-" I pointed to the one with a bird mask, "Tweetie. Feet off the coffee table. Anyway, I'm going to be out for an indefinite amount of time." I scooped up my hastily prepared backpack and got ready to head out again. "No crazy ANBU sex orgies while I'm gone. And don't eat my food."

Suddenly Teddy was blocking the door with his arms crossed. I pouted and one of Teddy's teammates sniggered because I said 'orgy'. Yeah, I know.

"Tedddyyy, I'm gunna' be late!" he kept me still as I tried to body-smash him out of the way. "Fine, you can eat my food! I don't know what any of it is anyway."

"Where are you going?" he asked seriously. I grinned, spontaneously overcome with excitement.

"On a mission! A real one this time. We're escorting some old drunk guy to the land of sea or water or something. Cool, huh?"

Teddy looked at me and I looked at him and his teammates looked at us and somewhere far away a wolf looked at a maggot and another ant committed suicide. Teddy sighed.

"Very well. Do you have a change of clothes?"

"Yes."

"Bandages?"

"Uh, somewhere."

"Toothbrush?"

"Mhm."

"... female things?"

"Ack! Teddy! Jesus!"

"Kunai?"

"Yup. Wait- what?"

Without hesitation, he was handing me an abundance of sharp, dangerous looking abject and stuffing them into my bag. My eyes widened.

"Woah! Am I legally allowed to take these?"

"Yes." He stuffed some funny ninja-star things into the band on my leg. So that's what it was for... "You are a ninja, are you not? It's your occupation. You are responsible for carrying weaponry."

"B-but-" he handed me a weird roll of twine that he'd seemingly pulled out of his ass. Where did they _keep_ this stuff? "I don't know how to use any of this. I'm not entirely sure how I'm supposed to string someone to death."

"Don't worry, your sensei will probably teach you if you ask."

My mind drifted to a cold, one-eyed glare and watchful, hovering distrust. I cried.

"Somehow I doubt it."

"When are you supposed to meet your team?"

"Hmm..." I looked at the clock in the kitchen. "'Bout... twelve minutes ago."

And I was subsequently shoved out of my home and into the hallway, followed by a series of friendly 'good-luck's and the slam of a door. I gawked awkwardly for a minute, then bristled.

"Fine!" I stomped down the hallway and toward the staircase. "I don't need you anyway! Go ahead and share your stupid anecdotes over _my_ coffee table in _my_ house with _my_ ambiguous snack foods - see if I care! Stupid adolescent home wreckers! What if this whole ANBU thing is a farce? What if their all really a gang? What if I've been initiated!" I stopped in my tracks and gasped. A lady passing by in the hall scurried away from me. "Is there gang-violence in Naruto? What the hell is on TV these days?! What if they've planted a tracking device on me?!"

I snatched the bag off my back and clawed through its contents, pricking my fingers on several foreign objects and breaking an already mutilated nail on something round I didn't take the time to examine. Something thin and smooth brushed my pinkie and my hands froze.

"..." That...

I quickly brushed away the clutter, revealing a slightly worn, but otherwise in mint-condition photo of my family. I swept a finger under the familiar smiling faces and smiled.

Okay, I decided as I replaced the picture gingerly. I swung it back onto my shoulder and jogged towards the door, a new determination set in my gut. Maybe I could forgive Teddy this _one _time.

* * *

Naruto pumped his fists in the air as we exited the gates, practically foaming at the mouth in excitement. "Yeah! Alright!"

"What are you so excited about, Naruto?" Sakura asked distastefully.

I nodded reluctantly. "Really. Don't give yourself a hernia."

"This is the first time I've ever left the village!" he struck a few snazzy explorer-poses. "I'm a traveler now, believe it!"

I rubbed my neck as Sakura huffed and walked up beside Sasuke, who looked like he just wanted to get going. Now. "It's not really all that great. There are so many trees around here you can't even see the mountains."

Sakura suddenly got stars in her eyes. "You've been to the mountains?! How romantic - did your sensei train you there? Tell me all about it!"

Crap. "Um, well I haven't actually been _to_ them, just sort of... around them?"

Tazuna approached before Sakura could make me the victim of another tirade. He jerked his mysterious bottle at me and Naruto.

"Hey, am I supposed to trust my life to these runts?" Naruto giggled giddily and jumped back and forth like a lunatic. I twitched. "They're a couple of jokes!"

"You have something to say, Old Man?!" I started to charge again, but Kakashi-sensei held me back. "Huh? You want some of this?! I will annihilate you, you drunken, arrogant old basta- mmph!"

He laughed politely. "Naruto's with me and I'm a Jounin, so you don't need to worry," Naruto pouted and sulked. "As for Kaya, her height is not a disadvantage to us. Please do not underestimate my ability to protect you."

I hung my head and sighed into Sensei's hand. I didn't think it was _that_ noticeable. There goes my self-esteem...

Suddenly Naruto jumped up and pointed an angry finger at Tazuna. "Hey! Never insult a ninja, it's a big mistake! And I'm one of the greatest ninja ever-"

"Screw this." I broke free and reached for Tazuna's face. "I'm going to cut this fool."

Kakashi-sensei sighed and cuffed me over the head. Naruto sulked again because he didn't get to finish his speech.

Tazuna laughed. "The day you become the greatest ninja ever I'll sprout wings and fly."

"Ahh, shut up! I'm willing to do anything to become Hokage, no matter what it takes!"

And for some bizarre reason my mental imagery chose this moment to wander off into La-La Land, conjuring up an evil voice inside my head that replied, '_Even __prostitution__?!'_. Then a picture of little Naruto in a tight mini-skirt and lipstick make me choke on my spit and cough. Sakura patted my on the back awkwardly and Sasuke shook his head.

Naruto continued, unperturbed. "When I become Hokage everyone will have to admit I'm the top ninja, including you!"

"Heh," Tazuna said. "You can become Hokage ten times over and to me you'll still be a nobody. A loser."

We both pounced at the same time.

"I'm gunna' make you pay!"

"Who'll be the loser when I wipe the floor with your face?!"

"Naruto, Kaya, please stop trying to attack the client."

Kakashi-sensei lifted us off the ground by our shirts as Tazuna began down the path. I crossed my arms and seethed while Naruto continued shouting at his retreating back. Honestly, what was this guy's problem? What kind of disorder do you need to have to just downright disrespect people like that? Picking on little kids... really? Does he have a death wish or is he just stupid? Or drunk? I made a face as I realized it was probably the last one.

When Tazuna was far enough that we couldn't jump him but close enough to be safe, Kakashi-sensei dropped us on our butts and gave us a scary eye-crinkle.

"Now, _behave_." He said simply. We nodded in unison and quickly aligned ourselves behind our other two teammates. Apparently Naruto had caught on to my human-shield revelation. Yay for sacrificial bait!

"Okay kids-" Glares. "Err, Team. Let's get going."

And so we began our frivolous journey to the land of sea or water or something.

* * *

"Oh my God, my legs are killing me."

"Kaya-chan, we've been walking for fifteen minutes."

"...really?"

"Yup."

"... damn."

* * *

"Can't... go on... any longer."

"But we're not even a third of the way there yet!"

"Nnngh." Dies.

Kick. "Get up. You're slowing us down."

"Oh you just go shove it. I'm tired and Drunkee McGee over there smells weird."

"Hn."

"Hey Sasuke-kun, look at this flower! Doesn't it remind you of me?"

"No."

"Narutooo, carry meee."

"I can't, Kaya-chan! I'm carrying the bags, believe it!"

"Sasukee-"

Glare.

"Fine, Mr. Grumpy."

"Hey, don't get distracted you four. We're on a mission."

"But Tazuna smells funky."

"Deal with it."

* * *

"Hey Sasuke, if I braided your hair would it stick up?"

Grimace. "How would I know that?"

Shrug. "Just a question. Wanna' find out?"

"No. Stop talking."

* * *

After a while I had no choice but to turn to personal entertainment. Nobody was willing to make casual conversation and my focus on the situation was faltering badly from fatigue. Time to play the humming game.

I used to play it in Middle School when people were still creeped out by me. It was a fun little past-time that both annoyed people and gained some interesting reactions. Basically, you wait until it's really quiet, then start humming obnoxiously. Believe it or not, most people are never entirely sure what to do. There are very few that have the audacity to just turn around and tell you to shut up, so its entertaining to try and guess what each person would do and who would do it first. My bets were on Sasuke or Kakashi-sensei. So what if I made his impression of me worse? This was absolutely maddening. _Maddening_.

I started off with a version of 'Homeward Bound' I'd learned in the third grade because it was simple and less likely to aggravate anyone. Naruto shot me a weird look and Tazuna made a gurgling sound that might have been a snort, but otherwise nobody said anything. I went on a little longer.

I'd been going for about five minutes repeating the same verse before I realized that they were ninjas and/or drunk and probably had and unbelievable level of patience. Therefore I started to get bored again. I was just about to put an end to the game and sigh when Sakura spoke up.

"That's a pretty song, Kaya!" she glittered earnestly. I sighed. It would have been much more interesting had it actually annoyed her. "What's it called?"

I blinked. Oh yeah… they don't know any American folksongs do they? Well then, leave it to Kaya to teach you, young, untainted youthful minds!

"It's called Homeward Bound. It's a folksong from my country. I would sing you the words, but I suck at all things musical."

"Wow…" she sighed. I rolled my eyes. "Do you ever miss it there? In your village, I mean."

"Hm…" I wiped some sweat off my forehead and considered it. The air was damper now, I noticed. The trees were a duller shade too. Maybe we were getting closer. "A little, I guess. Only because it's so different here… but I don't miss the village so much as I do my family." There was a pang in my stomach as I realized it was true. "I just hope they aren't worried."

"Do you have any siblings?" she asked eagerly. I looked away and smiled absently.

"Mhm. A little sister. You look just like her, actually."

"Oh! Really?" she flittered and started flipping her hair. I laughed. What kind of reaction was that?

I started to face forward again when I noticed that both Naruto and Sasuke had gone unusually (or in Naruto's case, at least) quiet and had both their ears tilted suspiciously in our direction. I grinned.

"Yeah. My village has a lot of old folk-songs and stuff. We also have moral traditions too. Like people who eavesdrop have their heads turned into onions."

Sakura looked confused and Sasuke just snorted, but he turned away anyway. Naruto's face turned blue and he put a hand to his cheek, just to make sure.

After that everything was pretty quiet. We passed over a bridge that led us onto another path that looked miraculously similar to the one we'd been on for the last three hours. If all missions were this boring I was going to hang myself. No, I was going to hang Tazuna, then hang myself. In that order. Actually there are probably some maimings I should fit in there before I'm put away for Tazuna's untimely demise, maybe a lecture or two as well. I should write an autobiography, I thought to myself wistfully. I'll tell the story of how I became a ninja and was tragically sent down a spiral of despair, ultimately leading to the most infamous case of premeditated murder any Naruto character had ever seen. It would sell millions! Jiraiya would be my editor/publisher thing. The whole world would gather at my feet to hear the story of '_Kaya, Girl Turned Villainous_-'

Gross murky water splashed into my sandals as I stepped into a giant ugly puddle. I groaned and started shaking it out while trying to keep up with the others on one leg. No more dozing off into unrelated fantasies, damn it!

I hadn't gotten two feet, though, when the sound of clanking metal made everyone freeze. Then, before I could register what was happening, two huge chains shot out like razor-blades from either side and ripped through the air toward Kakashi-sensei. _Taking out the strongest first_, some part of me thought evenly. I didn't have time to face the attacker before Kakashi was ripped to shreds.

And I hated myself for it, but in that moment, the only thing I could think was _One man down, four to go._

The men wore masks concealing half their faces and strange, bulky armor. They charged out from both directions at my teammates. We were frozen in shock for no less than a second before everyone whipped into action.

Sasuke was the first to act, and of course he knew exactly what he was doing. It was picture perfect, really. He jumped into the air and did some triple-impossible gymnastics move and dropped kicked the ugly one in the head. Sakura jumped to Tazuna's defense without missing a beat. Then my vision zeroed in on Naruto, who seemed to be glued to the spot. Everything happened very fast and all I could register was Sasuke jumping and kicking and _fighting_ and Naruto doing _nothing_. I started to run to him when the next thing I saw froze me in my tracks.

The second attacker broke away from Sasuke's wrath and flew at Sakura, steel claws armed to kill. Sasuke saw too, but my legs were already buzzing and he simply _wasn't fast enough_. Suddenly there was nothing around me – just that man and Sakura holding her stance firmly. In the sunlight, her hair was only the slightest bit lighter-

I was standing in front of her, digging my nails into the man's face so hard it drew blood. For a split second we stared at each other and his outstretched claw hung frozen in the air at my cheek. I'd never been so explicitly angry in my life.

"_Fuck. Off._"


	12. Chapter 11: Mufasa MomoCheese

**A/N: **Don't kill me, don't kill me, don't kill me. Here's a nice long chapter to soothe your long wait. Longest chapter yet! I love writing serious action scenes. They get my blood racing! Go Kakashi-sensei!

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Naruto or any of the characters in it. Yosh.

* * *

**Chapter 11 - Mufasa Momo-Cheese: Guy That Wants To Kill Tazuna!**

**Previously:**

_The second attacker broke away from Sasuke's wrath and flew at Sakura, steel claws armed to kill. Sasuke saw too, but my legs were already buzzing and he simply wasn't fast enough. Suddenly there was nothing around me – just that man and Sakura holding her stance firmly. In the sunlight, her hair was only the slightest bit lighter-_

_I was standing in front of her, digging my nails into the man's face so hard it drew blood. For a split second we stared at each other and his outstretched claw hung frozen in the air at my cheek. I'd never been so explicitly angry in my life._

"Fuck. Off."

* * *

_Flashback:_

_The bundle of mystery squirmed in the man's arms as he walked out of the hospital room, smiling like a fool. I scrunched up my nose suspiciously. _

_"Uh... Dad?"_

_He poked his finger in the opening happily, earning a strange squeal of protest from the creature. "Hm?"_

_"...What's that?"_

_A little wrinkled hand suddenly popped out from the blanket folds. I jumped back and Dad laughed._

_"It's your baby sister, Kaya! Wanna' hold her?"_

_I curled into the fetal position with wide eyes. "You mean... that thing is a human being?"_

_Instead of answering me he shoved the worm-thing into my arms. I started and almost dropped it, but held on fast enough when I caught sight of a round, cherubic, wrinkly old-man face. It stared at me with wide, bright blue eyes and I stared at it right back. Dad grinned._

_"Her name's Natasha," he said giddily. "Isn't she pretty?"_

_I lifted a chubby finger and poked her in the eye. She didn't cry; just looked at me as though I were some sort of anomaly and stuck my pinkie in her mouth. I yelped and tried to pull it back._

_"Ew, yuck! Dad, she's all gross and... flabby."_

_"Nuh-uh. She just likes you. She doesn't have her big-girl teeth yet."_

_I put my hand on my hip and looked it up and down. She waited patiently for approval with big eyes. I sighed. _

_"Tashi." I said finally. She giggled in that weird, baby voice and Dad cocked his head. _

_"What was that, Kaya?"_

_"Her name," I slid her carefully back into his arms. "It's Tashi."_

* * *

My fingernails hurt like a bitch, I realized. Why did I grab his face, again? That wasn't very cool at all. Why didn't I punch punch him or kick him in the head like Sasuke did? Jeez. Some ninja _I _am.

I heard Sakura gasp behind me and the attacker was suddenly ripped away from my clawed hand, causing me to scowl as the humid air hit the torn skin under my nails. What the _hell_? I was just about to impale that bastard! Nobody lays a hand on _my_ little sister-

"_Zombie!_"

I fell backwards on my butt as some radical theme music illuminated an undead Kakashi-sensei, both bad guys slung under his arms like potato sacks. Zombie-sensei slouched his shoulders and turned to us boredly.

"Yo."

"Kakashi-sensei! You're alive!" Sakura gasped delightedly.

Sasuke shoved his hands in his pockets, looking put out. "Show off."

"Huh?! But he was - and-" Naruto looked back and forth dazedly.

I screamed. Really loud.

"What the-?!" Tazuna clenched his hands around his ears and scowled. "Calm down, Kid!"

"Dead people!" I crawled into my favorite fetal position and rocked myself. Evil Bad Guys that appear out of thin air, I could handle. Corpses, I could not.

"Naruto, sorry I didn't help you right away," Sensei continued as though I hadn't just broken out into hysterics. "I didn't mean for you to get hurt. I just didn't think you'd freeze up like that."

Smelly Tazuna sighed and wiped the perspiration from his mustache. I scampered over to a tree off the path and let my head fall to my knees. Zombie sightings always made me dizzy.

"Nice job, Sasuke. Very smooth. You too, Sakura." Great. Now I'm being ignored. Well, judging by the look on Naruto's face, he's not having such a blast either. Aw, poor thing. He looks devastated. Both of them. Holy crap, I am _really_ dizzy.

Sasuke stood coolly in a random patch of sunlight and everyone was quiet for a while because Naruto was having some sort of inner monologue. Suddenly Sasuke turned and called Naruto something really lame that got him all riled up. I couldn't hear what it was for some reason, though. Everything was getting all fuzzy...

A shooting pain suddenly tore through the soles of my feet, ripping up the length of my legs. It hurt so bad it felt like the marrow in my bones were being rattled. I inhaled sharply and went rigid. What the hell was that?

"Naruto... still... poison... claws..."

Shit. I brushed the cut on my cheek with my thumb. Was I poisoned by that guy's bear-claw thing? Is this what being poisoned feels like?! But then why do my legs hurt? And how did I get over to Sakura so fast-?

Oh.

_Oh._

"Move... spreads... Tazuna... need to talk."

Haha. Kakashi-sensei's totally breaking up with Tazuna. And I thought this was an action show. Are we in gossip-girl? Does Naruto use his Princess Powers to save the world? Where are we? I'm tired...

Someone with a big shoe nudged me in the side.

"Kaya, move over. I need to tie up the Bad Guys."

Blah! I don't have to listen to you. You're dead. I mumbled something incoherent and dragged myself towards a different tree. I tried not to move my legs too much for fear they might fall off. It was chakra. I'd used chakra to move to where Sakura was that time. I don't remember how... I was just so _angry_... I must have done it wrong, though. Or used too much. It hurt _bad_.

"Chuunin... Mist Village... ambush... puddle..."

They came out of a puddle? Are you kidding me?

That was the last thing I thought before everything went black.

* * *

"_Why am I so different?!_"

Everyone turned to Naruto, who was suddenly at his feet and shaking in what was probably self-loathing. Kakashi-sensei looked at him blankly.

"Why am I always- ugh! I worked so hard to get here! Pushing myself until it hurt-"

"Uh, guys-"

"-training alone for hours-"

"-Naruto-"

"-anything to get stronger - to reach my dream!"

Everyone seemed to lose themselves to Naruto's painful Flashback of Struggle and Strife and stared off into the distance with glossy eyes. Except for Tazuna, whose eyes were already glossy from the booze. And Sakura, who was growing increasingly distressed. She waved her hands frantically.

"Um, somebody! I think Kaya's-"

"I will never back down again!" Blood dripped dramatically from Naruto's fingertips and soaked into the dirt road at his feet as he removed the kunai he's used to stab his hand with. "I'll never let someone else rescue me, I'll never run away, and I'll _never_ lose to Sasuke! I swear on this wound, I 'll protect you Bridge Builder Guy! Believe it!"

Kakashi-sensei scratched his head. "...Um, that was really heroic and everything, Naruto, but-"

"Kaya passed out." Sasuke stated boredly, nudging her unmoving body with his foot for emphasis. Sakura kneeled beside her nervously and fanned her face.

Naruto stared, then bowed his head and sulked. "Kaya-chan never gets to hear my speeches!"

Kakashi-sensei glanced her way disinterestedly. "Is she wounded?"

"No, she just fainted all of a sudden!" Sakura felt brushed her bangs aside tentatively and felt her forehead. "She doesn't have a fever..."

"Hm. Well, we better rest here before Naruto dies of blood loss.

...

...

Naruto turned blue.

"...It's a good idea to stop the bleeding now." Kakashi-sensei sing-songed.

"_AHHHHH!_"

Sakura sighed as Sasuke sat on the other side of Kaya's tree and short a disapproving glare at Naruto.

"You know, Naruto, you shouldn't hurt yourself for pleasure. You have a self-abusive personality." She waved a finger chidingly as she began digging in her pack for a first-aid kit. "That's a serious disorder called masochism!"

Kaya suddenly shot up and branded a blind finger towards a spot next to Sakura's head. "Trivia fact," she slurred, eyes still closed. "In 1994 the American Psychiatric Association modified the criteria of Sadism and Masochism in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of-"

Sasuke slapped a wet towel on her head and pushed her back down. "Shut up."

She sighed and muttered something, snuggling into the tree.

Sakura leaned over to remove Kaya's bag from its place latched between her small shoulder-blades and suddenly made a curious face. She crunched up her nose and slipped the straps from her shoulders, moving forward to remove the poorly conditioned backpack. It baffled her when she found she could not.

"Woah, you guys, come over here!" Only Naruto heeded her request with squinted eyes, making her face wrinkle up again. "Not that close, Naruto. Look - try to pick up Kaya's backpack."

The whiskered blond complied and attempted to life the bag until his face was red with exhaustion and pain because Kakashi-sensei hadn't bandaged his hand properly yet. He yowled and snatched back the offending limb.

"Holy cow, it weighs a ton! How is she carrying that thing?!"

"Maybe this is why she fainted," Sakura paused thoughtfully, then shook her head. "no, she would have had a lot more trouble keeping conscious earlier if she couldn't handle the weight. Wow, Kaya-chan must be strong."

"She was certainly complaining enough," Sasuke put in grumpily. Surprisingly, he was ignored.

"Oh no," Naruto leapt up from his new place crouched next to Kakashi-sensei, who was examining his hand-wound like it was something much more enthralling than it probably was. He paled fractionally. "That bad ninja-guy got his claw things really close to Kaya-chan's face, didn't he? What if Kaya was poisoned, too?!" His teeth started chattering and he turned an even more alarming shade of blue. "Kakashi-sensei, are we going to die?! Is Kaya dead?! You have a really serious look on your face! Ah, what have I done?! I want to live!"

Finally Kakashi-sensei seemed to be satisfied from his little trance and tied a knot at the end of Naruto's bandages, standing suddenly and walking over to where Kaya was in the middle of being overly-affectionate with her tree. Sasuke looked at her in contempt as Kakashi leaned down and abruptly lifted her off the ground, swinging her lazily into a half-hearted piggy-back. Team Seven blinked.

"Come on everyone. Break is over - we're carrying on with this mission. Naruto-" he jerked his head back towards the beaten-looking backpack. "Carry her things. We're moving out."

Naruto immediately paled and stared back at the evil bag with wide eyes. Sakura snickered.

"...Aw man!"

* * *

I realized after a while that I was being carried. It was a little hazy at first, because I was dreaming that I was talking to an orange pickle named Elvin who worked as a professor of social science at a local community college. Then I dreamed that I was on a boat, but not really because I could hear voices and the movements were too jerky and even. Later my head started to ache and my legs hurt because someone was gripping my thighs too hard and the only three scenarios that popped into my head were: A. I really was on a boat. B. I was being molested. or C. I was being carried. Now I don't know much about boats, or being molested, or being molested by a boat, but the most plausible explanation was starting to sound like option C. Then I recognized the voices.

"Kakashi-senseii, is she awake yet? My back is hurting!"

"Get over it, stupid."

"Ooh, Sasuke! I'm gunna'-"

"Quit it Naruto! If it's so heavy then just take something out and carry it by hand."

My eye twitched slightly. They couldn't be talking about-

"Naruto," a smooth tenor droned out from the back my face was pressed against. Mortified, I realized it was Sensei. "You shouldn't do that. Going through someone else's belongings-"

"Woah, look how much stuff there is in here! And what's Kaya doing with school books?!" There was a sniff and a series of ruffling sounds. "Hey Sakura-chan! What's _Ancient Eee-d-jip_?!"

"Ancient what-?"

"NARUTO!"

"Ah!" he recoiled into a tree as I leapt onto my pack protectively. "Kaya-chan! I thought you were sleeping!"

"I wasn't sleeping, you silly orange child. I was unconscious. And stop peeking through my shit!"

"Why did you pass out all of a sudden? We thought you'd been poisoned!"

"So did I. Anyway, how long was I out?"

"Um... twenty minutes?" Sakura offered. I sulked. That meant I had to keep walking now. Damn it.

"Wait, so what happened to the bad guys?" I asked. "Didn't Sensei tie them up?"

"Oh yeah..." Naruto scratched his head. "I don't know. We just sorta' left them there."

I blinked. "Oh. Well, then good riddance... I guess." I re-applied my pack to it's rightful spot on my shoulders and everyone started walking again. It was a few minutes later that I realized I'd successfully distracted everyone from inquiring my state of health. Woo. Go Kaya. I inconspicuously scratched my cheek. The cut was gone, too. Radical.

Sakura took the liberty to inform me that, after some unnecessary (and rather rude) provoking Naruto to stab himself ("_WHAT_?!") and some casual conversation, the mission we were on suddenly became like, twice as dangerous and that it was moved up in rank because Tazuna's a smelly liar. She didn't say that, but she knew. They all knew. But then nothing happened again and I was almost exactly back to where I started - bored out of my skull.

I looked off to the side and promptly succombed to my destined fate - a sea of misconnected musings.

There was a squirrel playing in a pile of leaves. I remember when neighbors back home used to pay me to clean up fallen palm branches after storms. The southern equivalent to raking leaves. I just love raking leaves, don't you, little squirrel? Oh what am I saying? You're a squirrel! You've probably never held a rake in your whole squirrel life! Don't you wish you had thumbs?

* * *

_Some time later..._

I, Kaya, have discovered something amazing. Something so incredibly mind-blowing - so freakishly _space-altering_ - that I'd stared at it, unblinking, for a full ten minutes. Concentration be damned. What is this anomaly, you ask? This phenomenon?

Sasuke has a birthmark. A _mole_. On his _toe_.

I know. I freaked out too.

Not only does this disprove my theory that Giggles is, in fact, a robot; it also proves that he was at one point in time, _born_. Which meant he was once a _baby_. Which meant that Sasuke Uchiha was once - my God - _chubby_.

Like, stuffing marbles and shit up his nose. Incredible.

This made me break out into uncontrollable giggles, causing everyone in the boat to turn and glare at me. Oh yeah, we're in a boat, by the way. Almost there, too. The land of water or fog or something. And water and fog is in no scarcity here. Seriously, I can't see a thing.

Except Sasuke's_ MOLE!_

Okay, let me start over.

We'd had to walk for another hour and a half after the attack, which almost drove me insane, but just when I thought that my brain was going to explode with boredom and Sakura was going to jump Sasuke, we found ourselves at a dock in some dank, misty forest area waiting for a boat. Then a bunch of boring stuff happened and I wound up teaching Naruto to play tick-tack-toe in the dirt while we waited. I found it a little odd that there was just suddenly some huge, never-ending sea in the middle of nowhere, but nobody said anything so I kept quiet. Tazuna seemed to run out of mysterious alcohol a while ago and was starting to look both really sober and really tired. I grimaced at the thought of having to haul this guy back to wherever the hell he came from. He smelled like beer and cheese.

When the boat finally came, we all climber aboard and stayed really quiet. Seating arrangements were tricky because I wanted to be next to Sakura but so did Naruto and nobody wanted to be next to Tazuna and Sasuke was just all '_why is everyone up in my grill?_'. In more or less words. It was a weird boat - half canoe, half motor-boat. But the motor wasn't on. It was quite eerie, actually. The formation ended up like this: Kakashi-sensei was whispering sweet nothings in the back with stupid Tazuna and Sasuke and Sakura were shoved in the middle, much to the latter's delight. Naruto and I were up in the front, squirming impatiently.

At one point I'd leaned over the edge of the boat and let the ends of my hair brush the surface of the water to occupy my interest when I found myself face-to-face with Sasuke's sandal. He was glaring at something off in the distance I couldn't see, so I went to grab his toe. Yes, yes, I know. What on Earth would possess me to do that? I wanted to do the 'Little Piggies' song. It might piss him off. That's when I saw it. The aneurysm of nature. Sasuke Uchiha's Toe Mole!

Naruto sniffed and Sakura sighed as the guy driving the boat cracked his neck and pushed on. I tugged on Naruto's hair and he yelped loudly. That earned my some glares.

"Ow... Kaya-chan, my hair!" he whispered brokenly.

I batted a hand. "Oh, don't be such a Barbie. Can you ask Mr. Boat Guy if we're there yet?"

"You're closer!"

"Shh!" Sakura poked us each in the back chidingly. I sighed.

...

...

"_Please, _Naruto? I'm so bored I think my face is about to jump off my head and drown itself."

"As long as it takes your mouth with it."

I turned around with a sweet smile and swatted Sasuke's shoulder a little to hard to be friendly. "Oh, Sasuke! You and your charmingly ambiguous morals. I don't think I was talking to you!" He grunted as I turned back to the _tolerable_ male on my team. "Seriously, Naruto. I'm begging you. _Please_?"

He pouted adorably and looked back at Kakashi-sensei. "I don't know..."

"Naruto... I don't think you understand just _how_ bored I am." I balled a fist and held it up to him with the same sweet smile plastered on my face. I stared at him unblinkingly. "I have a condition, you see, and when a person comes between me and my entertainment, unthinkable things happen. Unthinkable. If you don't ask that man how long it will be until we get to wherever we're going, I will hunt you _down_. Like, there will be nowhere for you to hide. Not in your _home_, not in the _trees_, not in the _village_, not in this _boat_, not in the _sea-_"

"He could hide in the sea," Sakura, who'd given up on trying to shut us up, piped in helpfully. I shook my head solemnly.

"No. I would still show up on a dolphin or something. Like Aquaman."

"Who's Aquaman?"

"A superhero. He can talk to dolphins."

"Nin-dolphins?"

"What? No, regular dolphins. With dorsal fins." What the hell's a nin-dolphin?

"What's a dorsal fin?!"

"Your _face_."

"Huh?"

"What?"

"Shut _up_." Sasuke lamented incredulously. He was ignored and I glanced over his head to where Sensei and Tazuna were still whispering to each other suspiciously. Now, I don't know much about flirts, or boats, or flirting with boats, but I'm fairly sure that if Tazuna had something _that_ important to say, he could share with everyone. Why were we being so quiet anyway?

Mr. Boat Guy suddenly tipped his funny straw-hat and spoke. "The bridge isn't far, now. We've almost reached our destination. The land of Waves."

I tilted my head. Oh yeah, we _were_ here for a bridge, weren't we? Wow... that seems like a particularly important bit of information. I can't believe I forgot! But why would people want to attack us because of a bridge? It seems a little irrelevant. Did I miss a monologue? Damn it!

And suddenly, there it was. A huge, unfinished wooden structure towering above our heads through the mist. It's shadow cast over the boat for a minute, sending everything into darkness.

"Holy crap..." I had to keep my mouth from hanging open. That's how big it was. It was the biggest bridge I'd ever seen in my life!

"WOAH! It's huge!"

"Quiet, Kid! I told you, no noise!" Boat Man whacked poor Naruto over the head with his oar thing. Some water droplets sprinkled onto me and I wrinkled my nose. Ew. Why have none of these adults heard of child-abuse laws? "Why do you think we're traveling like this, huh?! It's so they don't see us!"

Naruto slapped his hands over his mouth and everyone looked at Tazuna for some reason. I, not being one to be left out (apparently?), followed suit.

"Mr. Tazuna... before we reach the peer, I want to ask you something." Kakashi-sensei said, finally loud enough for the rest of us to hear. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. Then what the hell have they been talking about this whole time? ('_Curses. Defeated by logic again._') "The men who are after you... I need to know why." Oh, Good. I didn't miss the monologue. "If you don't tell us, I'm afraid I'll have to end this mission when we drop you ashore." Mm. Good word choice, sensei!

Tazuna bowed his head under his own funny hat-thing and pushed up his glasses shamefully. "I have no choice but to tell you..." he grumbled.

Everyone on the boat slipped a little. No shit.

"Like you said, this is beyond the scope of the original mission. The one who seeks my life is a very short man who casts a long and deadly shadow." He cast a sly glance my way. I cracked my knuckles and he looked away quickly. "He's one of the wealthiest men in the world. The shipping magnet, Gahto."

I gasped. "A spanish cat?!"

"What?"

"Huh?"

"Gahto?" Kakashi-sensei reiterated, surprised. "Of Gahto Transport? He's an international business leader, everyone knows him."

"Who, who? What, what?" Naruto leaned forward eagerly. Sasuke and Sakura shifted to face the object of attention. I hoped to God this wouldn't take long.

"Gahto may be a successful trad tycoon on the surface, but underground he sells drugs and contraband..."

And lions and tigers and bears, oh my. Here we go. I tuned out for the bit where Tazuna so generously read us a text-book chapter on business fraud. _Please_ don't tell me we're here for politics. If we are, just shoot me now.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Naruto squint his eyes and Sakura shift. They probably weren't listening either. I couldn't tell with Sasuke, but his eyelids were just fractionally narrowed, which is robot language for 'Good God, this is boring.' Kakashi-sensei was pretty attentive but that's because that's his job. Jeez, I thought we'd just get to fight some guys then leave. This kind of sucks.

I looked around at the rediculously thick fog. At least the scenery's nice.

"...Gahto controls our land because it's cut off from civilization. When this bridge is built, his reign of terror will end."

There you go. Honestly, you could have just said that. So short guy with Napoleonic complex that wants to control his own little island. Simple enough.

"So that's it. You're just standing in some gangster's way." Sakura deadpanned. I smiled at her and gave her a mental pat on the back. Yay for being droll!

Sasuke leaned froward. "That means those guys we fought in the forest were working for Gahto." Blah. No props for Sasuke.

"Uh... hm..." Naruto said thoughtfully. I gave him a pat on the head because I could. He's so adorable, trying to think...

Tazuna then went on to explain that the reason he couldn't request for a higher ranked mission was because he was poor. And his family was poor. And his nation and his village and his dog were poor. But we shouldn't feel bad even if he ends up a dirty smear of old-drunk-dead-guy on someones porch and his 'sweet little grandson' cries '_Where's grandad? I want my grandad!_'.

My eyebrow twitched. I _hate_ kids.

Oh, and his daughter will denounce and blame the Leaf ninja that abandoned her father in his country's time of need as she lives her poverish life of sorrow and misery. Oh well.

Kakashi-sensei sighed sighed and scratched his temple. Everyone else made faces, even Mr. Boat Guy. Luckily for us, I have no conscience whatsoever when it comes to drunkards that call me short and spout evil, demon grand kids.

"Well, I guess we have no other choice..."

I looked at Kakashi-sensei, horrified. _Nooo!_

"Ah, I'm very grateful!" Tazuna replied smugly. Several people scowled as he made a 'discreet' peace sign at Mr. Boat Man and muttered, "_I win_."

* * *

When I said the scenery was nice, I was kidding. It turns out I was right, though. When we entered the little water village and the fog spontaneously cleared up, the first thing we saw were cute little abstractly placed water-root trees and old Japanese style peasant homes. All the buildings were settled on docks and peers, giving the illusion that the whole village was floating on water. If I had a camera, I would have been going crazy.

Boat Man dropped us off the docks and exchanged some freindly words with Tazuna before we set out to get Tazuna home safely. As much as I hated to admit it, ever since coming clean about his 'little problems' and running out of beer or whatever, he'd become just the slightest bit more tolerable. Needless to say we were all drop-dead exaughsted - well, _I_ was at least - and everyone was looking forward to just getting this guy home and getting some much-needed rest. Our mutual misery must have brought us together. Or something. God, I'm tired.

We'd eventually gotten back on a path that, ironically enough, looked exactly like the one we'd been on all day, even though logic told me that the other path had to be miles away from here. TV shows were just creative that way, I suppose. Naruto, apparently having suffered some sort of massive inferiority complex at one point in this mission, had been having several consecutive spaz attacks. He kept throwing kunai (the knives) at bushes and trees, trying to catch invisible villains in the act of doing villainous things. Kakashi-sensei was lecturing him for scaring everyone. I think he even killed a bunny.

"Naruto! Look what you did, the poor thing's stunned!"

Ah, nope. Still alive.

"Oh no! I'm sorry little Rabbit, I'm sorry!"

He proceeded to chase after the traumatized animal, arms wide in invitation for a loving embrace. I sighed, not even attempting to muster up the energy to be amused.

"Hey, Kid. What's with you? Are you sick or something? You've been quiet." Tazuna eyed me carefully. I looked up at him with a blank expression.

"No. I don't get sick. Although," I rubbed the bridge of my nose as Naruto started yelling at Sasuke again. "I definitely don't feel too hot. We were up and running around on missions long before _you_ were dragged into the picture."

Okay, so I normally would try at least a little to contain my bitterness, but I had the biggest headache on the face of _ever_. I was freaking world-weary. I had a right to be ornery. Kakashi-sensei looked like he was in the same situation, but again, it was his job to be the responsible one. Not mine. In fact, everyone besides Naruto was getting relatively pissed.

"Well, don't you pass out again! I don't want one of my ninja escorts being dead-weight if I get attacked!"

My eyes twitched open. Did I say he was getting tolerable? I meant CLOSE TO DEATH.

"Listen, you bastard, I am a freaking _ninja_ and you _employed_ me for a _phony_ mission, which means I have every right to kick you and your little devil child's _ass_ back to _Tuesday_-"

"Kaya."

"Yes, sensei." I hunched over and stuffed my temper back into its corner. _Now_ I didn't have any energy.

Suddenly everything went really quiet and I froze, eyeing the scene. Oh no. Oh_ no_. You have got to be kidding me. I swear to every deity if we get attacked _again_ today I am going to materialize a freaking _gun_ and just shoot the crap out of everyone. Morbid, but not untruthful. Seriously. This is _bull_.

"Look out!"

A huge, inhumanly heavy looking sword boom-a-ranged its way across the road and sliced above our heads as everyone hit the deck. It lodged itself in a big tree and some guy with ugly cow-print arm/leg warmers landed on the hilt in a dramatic pose. I shot to my feet and grabbed two fistfuls of hair.

"You have got to be fucking kidding me!"

Everyone stood and faced our new foe, taking defensive stances. Kakashi-sensei straightened.

"Well, well... if it isn't Zabuza Momochi. Rogue ninja of the Village Hidden in the Mist."

As I mentioned previously, my state of mind wasn't quite up to par at the moment, so that name was completely lost on me. What _I _heard was 'Ah-ooz-a Momo-chee'. I blinked.

"Mufasa Momo-Cheese?"

Psh. I'm _shaking_ in fear.

Naruto made a face back at Sasuke and it was clear to anyone with two eyes he was planning on making a show of out-performing him. That was his 'I'm about to do something stupid in the name of my ego' face. I hunched my shoulders. Here we go, again.

Sure enough, he charged forward, only to be clothes-hanger-ed by Sensei's arm. Ouch. Poor Kid.

"You're in the way." Kakashi-sensei said solemnly. He shoved Naruto back a few inches. "Get back."

Naruto spluttered. "But - why?!"

"He's not like those other ninja. He's in a whole other league..."

Somebody shifted behind me. I squinted my eyes at the man in the tree. His skin was _grey_. Jesus, how many corpses do I have to look at today?

"If he;s our opponent, I may need this..." Kakashi-sensei reached up to his headband. "This could be treacherous."

Snigger. Treacherous. Everyone inhaled sharply and leaned forward. After a second I realized that I probably should too. I gasped loudly.

"Kakashi of the Sharingan eye." Mufasa said in a classic creepy-villain voice. "Did I get that right?"

Sasuke reeled back like he'd been slapped and snapped his head towards Kakashi-sensei. Okay, I'm missing something. Sensei has an eye fungus?

Mufasa grunted. "It's too bad, eh? But you'll have to hand over the old man."

"Gladly." I muttered. Sakura elbowed me in the gut.

"Everyone, Swastika formation! I taught you teamwork. Now it's time to use it."

He did? When? I resisted the urge to make a comment about Nazi's and the Axis forces. Something bad was about to go down if Sensei didn't want us fighting at all.

Suddenly Kakashi-sensei removed his headband and shifted into a stance. Naruto, who was still right beside him, looked up into his face and gasped. I stood on my tip-toes and tried to see around. _What?_

"Looks like I get to see the Sharingan in action. This is an honor." Mufasa turned around and gave us all a good look at his torso. _Woah_.

"Everyone keeps saying Sharingan, Sharingan! Will someone please tell me what Sharingan is?!

"Naruto, I think we're being attacked," I sweat-dropped and dug my foot in the dirt. "Can't this wait?"

"The Sharingan... is a rare power. It resides in the eyes." Sasuke explained, sounding a little shell-shocked. I'm getting really frickin' sick of being ignored. "The user of this visual jutsu, or doujutsu, can instantly see or comprehend any genjutsu, taijutsu, or ninjutsu and reflect the attack back on the attacker."

"Kickass. So should we like, defend ourselves now?"

"The Sharingan is a special, rare form of doujutsu. However, there's more to the Sharingan than that... a lot more..."

"Great, Sasuke, great. That's really freaking cool. There is a _guy_ with a body like the _hulk_ and a humongous _sword _in a _tree_. _Let's do this later._"

"You got it right boy, but you only scratched the surface."

I threw my arms up in the air. Awesome. Mufasa, too.

"The Sharingan can analyze an oponents technique, and then copy it to the smallest detail."

And suddenly we were surrounded by a visually impenetrable fog for the second time that day. My headache increased ten-fold.

"Your profile was very impressive in my Bingo-book. Kakashi- the man who copied over a thousand jutsu. The Copy Ninja."

"A Bingo-book?" I breathed to myself. Kakashi-sensei was famous? How cool!

"Wow, that's so cool!"

Jeez, Naruto. Get your own opinions.

"Enough talking," Mufasa crouched down and grabbed onto the hilt of his giant sword just as the mist obscured him from view. "I need to exterminate the old man, now."

Tazuna gasped and Naruto, Sakura, and Sasuke were suddenly at his sides with kunai at the ready. I cursed and grabbed a random weapon from my pack, racing to cover Tazuna's backside. How did I always miss these action cues?! God, I fail.

Mufasa chuckled sinisterly. "So, I'll have to eliminate you first, Kakashi? So be it."

A pang of worry shot through me. Would Sensei really be alright?

The sound of splashing water reached my ears and to my right, Sakura jumped.

"He's over there, now! Standing on the water!"

_Where? What water?_ I couldn't see anything and my back was facing everyone. My heart sped up a little. _I can't see anything!_

Somewhere behind me, Zabuza struck a Sailor Moon pose and water began evaporating into the air at his feet. Kakashi-sensei tensed.

"_Ninja Art: Hidden Mist no Jutsu_!"

...

...

"He vanished!" Naruto shouted.

I reinforced my stance and locked my elbows. This was starting to get scary. I gripped the big kunai just a little tighter.

"Sensei?"

"He'll come for me first." Kakashi's footsteps were muffled by the dirt as he moved closer. "This man is more dangerous that you can possibly imagine - a master of the Silent Killing Technique. Do _not _let down your guard."

I allowed myself a cynical laugh, but it was shaky. And they called this a kid's show?

"Something funny, little one?"

I froze and my mouth went dry. That voice was almost right in front of me.

"Eight points..." the voice echoed all around us. Sasuke went rigid to my left. "Larynx, spine, lungs, liver, jugular, subclavian artery, kidneys, heart."

"W-what's he doing?" Naruto whispered shakily. I could feel all the blood drain out of my face.

"Those are the eight vital points." My voice trembled fractionally. I swallowed. "He's trying to intimidate us." Successfully.

"Now..." a swish of air indicated movement. "Which will be my attack point?"

Kakashi-sensei made a hand-seal and a strong gust of wind dispelled most of the mist. I breathed a small sigh of relief as my vision was restored. I'm going to have a heart-attack one of these days.

I finally looked around to re-orient myself and make sure no one was dead. Tazuna was safe (to my dismay) and still standing in the middle of our little Circle O' Trust. Sakura was fine as far as I could tell and all I could see of Naruto was his back, but because he was still standing I had no choice but to assume he was okay. I cranked my neck to the side to see Sasuke-

About to stab himself.

"_Dude!_" I kicked a rock at the back of his head. He looked terrified. "Get a hold of yourself! If you want to kill yourself do it after we're done _fighting_, damn it!"

"Sasuke, calm down." Kakashi-sensei gave him and intense look over his shoulder. "I'll protect you with my life," he looked at me. "All of you."

And then I realized something - Kakashi-sensei was important to me. Just like Naruto and Sakura were. I didn't want him to die protecting me. He didn't like me, sure; but I liked him and I cared about what happened to him. I'd be damned if I let some twit named Mufasa harm _anyone_ in this clearing.

I nodded shortly and turned back to my spot, fear virtually draining out. I don't care who this guy was, he was _not_ leaving this place with any of our lives.

"I will not allow my comrades to die." Sensei eye-crinkled reassuringly. "Trust me."

"I wouldn't be so sure."

Out of nowhere, he appeared in the center of our circle. The fabric of him pants brushed my back.

"It's over."

I heard the swish of his sword before I saw him swing it. Sasuke grabbed Tazuna's arm and flung him off to the side as everyone jumped back. A stupid idea struck me just as Kakashi-sensei flew forward and caught the sword mid-swing. Instead of joining the others, I ducked and fished Teddy's ninja-twine out of my pockets as fast as I possibly could, wrapping it around Mufasa's sandal while he was busy shifting his balance to accommodate the weight of his weapon. When I was done I tuck, duck, and rolled the hell out of there, hoping to God that:

A. That this twine was both _really _long and _really_ strong.

B. That Mufasa wasn't as heavy as he looked.

and C. That this plan wasn't as retarded as it was starting to look.

As soon as I reached a spot close to Naruto I raced past him and started wrapping the other end around a tree trunk multiple times. This has got to be the lamest thing I've ever thought up. Trip the bad guy. Great plan.

Luckily (so luckily I almost couldn't believe it) no one paid attention and all focus zeroed in on the two Jounin in the battlefield, staring each other down. Then Mufasa turned into water.

Well, shit.

"A water clone jutsu?!" Naruto yelled inappropriately.

Another Zabuza appeared behind Sensei and chopped him in half, only to reveal that he, too, was a water clone.

Woo. Go Sensei.

A flash of light caught my eye and my eyes snapped down to the twine still tied to the tree. It was stretched taught. Which meant that-

"You're kidding me," I said to myself incredulously. You mean I _actually_ got him before he did the jutsu? Someone up there must pity me. _Thank you_!

Mufasa looked surprised as Sensei appeared behind _him_ in a totally awesome pose and stuck a kunai to his throat.

"Don't move," he warned. "_Now_ it's over."

If I haven't mention this before, my sensei kicks _ass_. Way cooler than Jiraiya.

Everyone relaxed marginally, until Mufasa started laughing.

"You don't get it, do you?" he tilted his head. "You can't defeat me with that silly technique. You are full of surprises, though. I was distracted by your little speech."

_Thank you_.

"Very skillfully executed. Nice try, but I'm not that easy to fool."

He jumped so fast I couldn't even see it and shoved his sword forward with unnatural speed. Kakashi-sensei dodged and ran sideways into the mist. Mufasa made to chase after him when my twine caught his stride and set him off balance. It didn't do much except buy Sensei some extra time and piss him off. I smiled in triumph, but froze when his eyes shot to me.

Oh shit.

Taking a step back for a moment, I would like to reflect on the mentality I was in at that time. Being the particularly 'not-ceative' person I was, I didn't have a flashing talent with words. What goes through my head and what comes out my mouth can be two very different things. So, when Mufasa's big shuriken embedded itself in my shoulder, even as I dived out of the way, what I _thought_ was; '_Hmm. Curved trajectory. Wonder how he knew I was going to fall this way?_'

What came out of my mouth was: "_Fuck!_"

The force of the hit knocked my head into a tree and I fell to my knees, panting. Mufasa was saying something and there was another splash of water and Naruto called my name. I put a hand to the sharp object and fingered it, morbidly intrigued. I'd never actually been stabbed before. Hurt like a bitch. _Wow_ that was a lot of blood. Jeez, I only tried to trip the guy, he didn't have to go and _stab_ me. Anger management, people.

I started to see in tunnel-vision and cursed myself. Oh no. Oh no, no, no, no, _no._ I am _not_ going to pass out in the middle of a fight. It's _one shuriken_! Sure, this past month has put me under a ridiculous amount of physical strain, but even with my minimal training I should still be able to take this! Stars danced around my head as I breathlessly made to stand, then fell down again with an '_oomph_'. _Damn, damn, damn-_

"Fool. You're little tricks can only stall me for so long. _Water Prison no Jutsu!_"

Kakashi-sensei was suddenly engulfed in a large pod of water that sprung out of the lake at Mufasa's command. He said something to Kakashi that made him freeze up and then turned to us with a menacing smile behind his mask. I grabbed my head and shook myself, struggling to stay conscious.

"Damn it," I watched a stream of warm blood run down my bare arm, giving me goose-bumps. "Stay awake!"

A water clone spawned up from the shore and stepped towards us.

"You think wearing a headband makes you a ninja..." he chided in a deep, frightening baritone. "When you've hovered between life and death so many times, it doesn't phase you, then you may be called a ninja..."

My head was pounding. I fell from my hands to my elbows, trying to keep my head high enough to keep an eye on what was happening. My shoulders started to shake. One throbbing pulse through my skull was so intense it forced my lids shut. Everyone but Naruto was so far away from me now.

"When you've become so deadly your profile is entered in my Bingo-book, then you _may_ have earned the title 'ninja'."

He lifted his monstrous arm and hefted his hand into a seal, summoning the fog once more.

"But to call upstarts like you, ninja... is a joke!"

Suddenly Naruto was sent flying backwards towards Sakura and Sasuke, leaving me alone in the trees. His headband slipped off and Zabuza stepped on it, digging it into the dirt with his heal. He jerked his chin in the air.

"You're just brats!"

"_Naruto!_" Sakura cried out. I finally mustered up the energy to look up.

Sasuke and Sakura stood beside Naruto protectively, looking panicked. Tazuna stood behind them, all huddled in the middle of their triangle. They looked like a team. All three of them were important to me. I couldn't afford to be so weak. If I could help, even a little, that would be enough.

I reached into my pack with my good arm and drew out some old matches I kept in the back for no real reason. I chucked my kunai at Mufasa's head weakly, getting his attention when the hilt knocked his elbow.

"Hey Cowboy," I rocked back onto my heels and shot him the best smart-ass grin I could summon. "I don't have a headband."

I lit the match with one hand and touched it to the string I'd tied to the knife. The fire immediately ignited and raced down the length of the twine until it reached the little tag tied to the kunai's hilt. Mufasa's eyes widened.

The tag exploded and sent me flying into another tree. I heard Sakura and Naruto gasp somewhere far away.

The ground came to meet me very quickly.

* * *

_"What's that?"_

_"This?" Jiraiya-sensei flicked the little piece of paper attached to the end of his knife-thing casually. "It's an exploding tag. You activate it by sending it a chakra signal or setting it on fire. Powerful little things."_

_I shaded my eyes from the sun with one hand and watched as he sharpened the weapon with a stone. Sweetie pawed the dirt, demanding some attention._

_"So you stab them first, then blow them up?" I leaned over to pat the bull on the head. "That doesn't sound very humane."_

_"Well, being a ninja isn't about being humane," he told me solemnly. "It's about following your motto - your ninja way - and doing what you think is right. For you, for your comrades, and for your country."_

_"Hm. Deep." I watched suspiciously as he took out his notepad and started scribbling something. "So did you always write porn or was there a point in time where you used that inner philosopher to spit out proper literature? OW!"_

_He recovered his pencil after the stone he threw bounced off my head and continued writing. "Respect your Sensei, Kaya. And all of my novels are proper literature. You're pre-pubescent little mind simply can't handle my majesty!" He struck a pose. I rolled my eyes. _

_"Yeah, yeah, whatever. So what's your ninja way then, Jiraiya? Can I have one too?"_

_"Well, of course. Every shinobi needs a nindo. What's the one thing that's most important to you?"_

_"Um..." I tapped my lip. What _was_ most important to me? On a personal level? "Well, I think my family... but I've never really thought about anything else. I don't have enough experience to go by making big life-rules."_

_"Your family, huh? Well, that's very wise of you. A lot of people make there's about power or truth. Not that those aren't good either, of course, but protecting your loved ones should always come first."_

_"Then thats it!" I leapt to my feet and gave the world two big thumbs up. "That will be my ninja way! Protecting the people I care about. Not very original, but I can take creative-criticism. Hey wait," I turned back to him and pointed accusingly. "You didn't tell me what yours was. I may be fickle, sir but I am not stupid!"_

_"My nindo?" He stuffed his notebook back in his back and stood up, reflecting my good-guy pose right back to me, only looking significantly more like a perverted old sage-man. "That's easy. My ninja way is a quest for world-peace!"_

_..._

_..._

_"And I thought I was unoriginal."_


	13. Chapter 12: Training of the Treetops

**A/N: **Look who's backkkk ;D Sorry it's a little boring at parts. And Kaya likes to paraphrase.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Naruto or any of the characters in it. Yosh.

* * *

**Chapter 12 - Training of the Treetops: The Quiet Before the Storm!**

_I was dreaming. _

_It wasn't a special dream, but it was still odd considering the situation I was in. Even more odd than the orange pickle dream, actually. I was back in Konoha on Team Seven's training ground having a civil conversation with_ Neji, _of all people. We were talking about my breath and how it most certainly did not smell. Well, not really - we were actually talking about lipo-suction and how it must make a person really dizzy to lose all that weight at once... but whatever. Rock Lee was braiding Neji's hair, which was considerably less weird than it should have been, and Tenten was ice-skating with kunai taped to her flats. Ouch. _

_Dream Neji said something and I frowned_, '_You want me to put it where? Well, that hardly seems like a good idea...'_

_He shook off my reply with an elegant shrug and was just offering me a sippy-cup full of apple-juice when something funny happened._

_I started to get angry._

_Like, really angry. Oh yes, I was well aware that there was still a fight happening out in the real world. Fake real world. Whatever. That, and that I was very uselessly still unconscious; but for the life of me I couldn't wake up. At first it'd made me nervous - what if I was in a coma? Or dead? - but after about twelve minutes of listening to my pupil-less acquaintance talk about obese acrobats, I'd figured out the obvious on my own. I wasn't dead. _

_The dream was strange, though. It felt like I was trapped inside a room, and the battle with Mufasa was right outside the door. If I listened hard enough I could hear fragments of sentences and random 'swoosh's of water or air. It was completely frustrating - like being blindfolded while sitting in the passenger seat of a driver-less car with your hands tied behind your back. Not that I would know what that's like... But anyway, this explained why I might have been irritated, but angry?_

_Simple. Because the minute I realize that I actually sort of_ care_ about the people in front of me_, _I'm also stabbed and victim to the (eleventh? Twelfth?) faint in the past month. In addition I realized that more than half the time I spent in this crazy place was unconscious. I've never fainted before I fell down that stupid hole - _Never_. I have a naturally strong disposition towards these things._

_Except for _now, _of course_.

_Neji offered me the apple juice again and I swatted it away anxiously. _'_Not now, damn you.'_

_Dream Lee shouted something about youth and love and lotuses and I rubbed my temples with a glare. Okay, focus Kaya. What's going on outside? Sounds, smells, tastes... anything._

_A strong metallic taste hit my tongue, salty and coppery. I touched a hand to my lips and brought it to eye-level. Blood. Well, that's not good at all._

_Dream Neji shoved the sippy-cup at me insistently_. '_Kaya-san. It would be advisable of you to drink the apple juice.'_

'_No, I need to concentrate.'_

'_Kaya-Chan! Do take the most youthful apple juice!'_

_'No, Lee, I don't want any God damned apple juice!'_

_"_Shadow Clone!...no way to defeat... Sasuke!"

_'What was that? Did you guys hear it?'_ _I shot to my feet and looked up at the sky. So close..._

_Someone tapped me on the shoulder. I turned._

'_Teddy?'_

'_Take the apple-juice, Kaya._' _he motioned to Neji, who was still trying to shove it into my hand. _

"Plan... Demon Wind Shuriken!... not smart enough..."

'_What the heck is going on...?'_ _Suddenly Teddy disappeared and was replaced by the scary councilwoman. She scowled down at me and I flinched._

'_Take the apple juice, Girl.'_

_I shook my head petulantly and folded my arms. What the hell was with these people? I didn't even _like_ apple juice_.

"Dodged it!... Kakashi-sensei... _I will destroy you!"_

_That sounded bad._

'_Hey! Anyone know how to get out of here?'_ _No one answered. There was a muffled sound of splashing water from outside my head and a sharp pressure pelted me in the stomach. _'_Ow..._'

"Kaya!"

_My head whipped around. A shock of brown hair and a ridiculous looking moustache I would know anywhere._

'_...Dad?'_

_'Drink the apple juice, Kaya,'_ _he goaded gently, placing the sippy-cup in my hands with care_. '_It'll wake you up so you can go see your friends. I promise.'_

_I stared at him for a long time. I'd never wanted to hug my silly old Dad more in my entire life, but my feet wouldn't move anymore. Finally, I put the cup to my lips and drew a sip. It didn't taste like apple juice. It didn't taste like anything. It was air. _

_I looked up to tell them all that I didn't get it when my mouth started to tingle. Then my throat, then my chest, then my belly. My eyes widened. This wasn't just any tingle, this was _The _Tingle. A sippy-cup full of chakra? This was how my subconscious planned to wake me up?_

"distracted... sharingan... Water Dragon?"

_More apple juice it is, then. I screwed open the top and flat out chugged that thing down. Everyone in my dreamscape was suddenly gone and I was left in much the same state I was in the day I woke up in that hospital - trying desperately to stop my uncontrollable (and wildly inappropriate) giggles. I fell to my virtual knees and curled into myself. Now_ Focus_!_

"Copy every move... shut up!... impossible... Giant Vortex no Jutsu!"

_'There's a jutsu for that?'_

_Someone distinctly kicked me in the stomach again and I gagged, immediately bombarded with intense pain_.

"Naruto... who?... hunter-nin...Zabuza... _farewell_..."

'_You're awfully weak.'_ _Came a voice from inside my head. I tried to look up, but all I could see was black. _'_You aren't a ninja. What are you doing here?'_

Outside, Naruto punched the ground and gritted his teeth. "We don't even know what we're doing! We're so worthless - What are we even going here?"

_What am I doing here?_

...

I don't know.

* * *

"Kakashi-sensei! She won't wake up!"

Yawn. "Did you call her name?"

"Duh! But she's still sleeping! And she keeps saying things like 'apple juice' and 'vortex'..."

"You probably weren't trying hard enough, _Naruto_. I'm sure Sasuke-kun could do it without any trouble-"

_Creeak. _"Ah, speak of the devil. Sasuke, has she woken up yet?"

"No, Sensei. She looks ill."

"What? Really?"

"Hn."

"Kaya's sick? Why didn't she tell us?"

"Because she's unconscious, Naruto. Go ask Tazuna's daughter if she has any local antibiotics. Sakura, hand me some more bandages, would you? Ah, thanks."

"What's antibi- antibios- anti..."

"Never mind. And here's our lovely hostess now."

"Hatake-san, how are you feeling? Better, I hope? Oh, hey! It's better if you don't move!"

"Yes, thank you. Excuse us, but do you happen to have any medical herbs? Our Kaya seems to be a little sick."

Blink. "Really? I was just in there and she seems quite lively to me." Giggle. "It seems she has quite a thing for a boy named Neji."

"Nah! She just talks in her sleep!" Smack. "Ow! Sakura-Chan, why?"

"Quiet, Naruto! Kaya has a crush on someone? She didn't tell me that! That's probably why she didn't think Sasuke-kun was super hot."

...Sasuke shifted (almost) uncomfortably.

There was a crash and a loud stream of unlady-like curses no one had heard of that signaled Kaya's arrival to the waking world. Several people sighed. It was quiet for a moment, then a dramatic gasp filled the small house.

"_Holy shit, I've been kidnapped!"_

Kakashi-sensei rubbed his eyes and absently scratched the bandages wrapped securely around his ankle. "Someone go calm her, please."

"Sure thing, Sensei!" Naruto began to charge out the door of the small guest room when Sasuke tripped him. He fell on his face with a loud '_thunk'_.

"Not you, Stupid."

"Sasuke's right, Naruto. When you and Kaya are in the same room things tend to be counter-productive."

"I'll go then." Sakura stood and brushed off her dress, nodding politely to Tazuna's daughter. "Kaya-Chan can be a little funny sometimes. Please forgive her manners."

"_Good God! There's a _child_ in this place! DOOM AND DESPAIR!"_

Sasuke rolled his eyes and Sensei leaned back on his pillow tiredly. "Looks like Kaya's met Inari."

* * *

When Sakura walked through the unfamiliar door in the unfamiliar room I just about tackled her to the ground. No, I did tackle her to the ground.

"Sakura!" I sobbed. She blinked. "I woke up in this funny barn-room-thing and there's no furniture and my bag is gone and that- that _thing_ is giving me the stink-eye!"

Sakura turned her head and sure enough, Tazuna's little grandson Inari stood in the threshold on the other side of the room. He glared at me like I was some vegetable too loathsome to even be allowed in the house.

"Hello, Inari-san." Sakura said politely, ignoring my shivers of fear. "This is Kaya-Chan. She's also a part of our team."

The kid scrunched up his nose in a way that would have been cute if he weren't secretly the DEVIL and scowled at me. "She doesn't look like a ninja. You guys are all losers."

"I'd like to see you do better you little hobbit freak! WHY WERE YOU WATCHING ME SLEEP?" Sakura grabbed my arm and yanked me out of the room be fore I could continue.

"Kaya-Chan, stop it! That's Tazuna's grandson!" she hissed as she pulled me down a narrow hallway. "His mother is letting us stay here for the rest of the mission. You can't yell at him like a crazy person!"

I gaped at her and caught some pink hair in the mouth as we dodged a coffee table. What was with these people and coffee tables? "Sakura, did you not see the kid ripping my toes off with his _eyes_? I am not the one at fault here! Hey, are you okay? You look a little-"

Suddenly she spun around and I got another mouthful of dead brain cells. I was about to voice my surprise when I realized that she was glaring down at me with huge, sparkling green doe-eyes glazed over with tears. I blinked dumbly.

"Uh-"

"Idiot! How could you just faint like that? There was so much blood and then- that explosion - and Naruto and Sasuke just ran off and did something stupid without even telling me and I was alone to protect Tazuna!" she whisper-yelled at me. I always hate when people whisper-yell. It makes me feel like a little kid that's done something so unspeakably wrong that flat out screaming was a step below. "I thought Sensei was going to _die_. Never do that again, okay?"

I stared up at her. Once again I was hit with the fact that my first and only priority was now to become stronger, no matter what the cost. It was obvious that we were all still children - I had people to look out for now. I couldn't afford to be so susceptible to weakness.

Huh. So this is what it felt like to be on a team.

"I'm sorry, Sakura." For lack of knowledge on comforting someone you'd failed with flaring misery, I patted her shoulder because I'm awkward that way. My voice, however, was more sincere as I promised her, "It was a one time thing. From now on I promise I'll stick to the team."

She appraised me for a moment, sniffling before nodding curtly and rubbing her eyes. I took my hand back and we nodded at each other awkwardly. I was about to say something to try and fill the silence when she gasped.

"Oh, that's right! Everyone was waiting for us!" Then she took my hand again and we were back to speeding down the hallway. Vaguely I wondered at the oddness of that emotional moment, but I didn't have time to really concentrate on that train of thought before I saw Sasuke's head poking out from behind the door we were heading at like a creepy murderer. He looked at me boredly, then at Sakura. She stopped abruptly and inhaled and I ran into her back and she fluffed her hair and batted her eyelashes. His eyelids lowered a little in a deadpan, then his head disappeared again and I rolled my eyes and let myself be dragged some more by a pouting Sakura. Teenaged girls and their hormones, I swear. I may be fickle in mind but if I had all those rapid changes in emotion all the time I'd jump into a... light fixture... Tears swelled in my eyes too. My poor ant-!

"So yeah, Zabuza's still alive."

I slammed right into Sakura's back again as she halted in the doorway and gasped. Some lady with blue hair that I assumed to be Tazuna's daughter looked up at us.

"Ah, there you are!" She 'tsked' at me and moved around Sakura. "How are you feeling? Does your stomach hurt?"

I raised an eyebrow and was about to say no when I realized that yes, it did hurt. A lot. I winced and pulled up my shirt.

"Woah," There were bandages wrapped snuggly around my belly. They were the itchy kind, too. "What happened there?"

"Kaya-Chan! Pull your shirt down!" I looked up and everyone was giving me funny looks. Naruto and Sakura were blushing profusely and Sasuke just looked in a different direction.

I rolled my eyes and obeyed. You'd think I'd just ran through the room butt-naked or something. I do wear something called a bra, people. Pft. Prudes.

"What happened?" I reiterated, brushing a hand over the significantly smaller stab wound in my shoulder. It was neatly patched with some medical tape and gauze. Where does someone buy medical tape?

"Well, after you passed out... some stuff happened and.. um..." Naruto squirmed uncomfortably.

Sasuke scoffed to himself. "Zabuza stepped on you."

Everyone froze as if they expected a bomb to go off. I leaned forward. "Who?"

Silence.

Kakashi-sensei gave me an intense look. "Kaya... do you remember?"

All eyes were on me. A sea-gull cawed somewhere outside. I fidgeted.

"Uh... remember what?" Crap. Did my head hit that tree too hard?

"The fight!" Naruto shouted, waving his hands around nervously. "Zabuza! the guy with the bandages on his face that tried to kill everyone!"

"Oh. Him. He's still alive?"

Everyone nodded.

I scratched my head. "Bummer."

"You mean... you're not... mad? That he stepped on you?" Sakura backed away anxiously. I looked at her for a second, uncomprehending.

"What do you mean, he stepped on me? I couldn't hear anything about..." I paused, then shook my head, "No, no I did feel something but it was more of a... kick."

Sasuke snorted again. "That was later. Naruto tripped over you."

I gasped and turned to the sheepish blonde. "Naruto! You tripped over my unconscious body? How could you?"

"I'm sorry, Kaya-Chan! I didn't see you and there was that masked guy that killed Zabuza-!"

"But not really." Kakashi-sensei finished lamely. The general attention refocused on him. "Which is why we shouldn't get too comfortable. You kids have training to do."

"Hold on!" Sakura said, "A little last minute training isn't going to help us defeat Zabuza - you could barely defeat him even with your Sharingan!" The fungus? "We have to be reasonable about this!"

"Sakura, shut your hole." Haha. Just kidding. What he actually said was this: "Sakura, how do you think I'm still alive right now? Because you all helped me. You may be beginners, but you're still ninja. And it's my job to prepare you for things like this - I have the utmost faith in you."

"Yes!" Naruto jumped up enthusiastically and pumped a fist in the air. "Finally some real training! When do we start, huh Sensei, when?"

"You... You mean-" a horrified expression crept onto my face, "The training we did in Konoha wasn't... _real_ training?"

Kakashi-sensei looked like he was about to say something, but Naruto cut him off with a giant grin that squinted his eyes. "Of course not, Kaya-Chan! That was just baby-stuff - training should be much more hardcore for a future Hokage, believe it!"

But I didn't hear the last part. I blacked out when he said 'baby-stuff'.

Did I say no more fainting? I meant after this.

"Stupid. You made her faint again." Sasuke nudged me with his foot. Why does everyone like doing that?

"Aw, man! Why am _I_always the one that makes her pass out? I thought that was the pretty-boy's job-!" he paused mid-sentence and a glossy look came over his eyes. "Hey, maybe that's it! Kaya-Chan thinks I'm so handsome that she can't stand it!" He blushed a little to himself.

Sakura whacked him in the shin and he tumbled back to the ground. Wow, everyone really _does_beat up on Naruto.

"Get real, Naruto. Didn't you just hear? She likes some Neji guy - not you or Sasuke-kun. Oh shoot! I forgot to ask her about that!"

Sasuke glowered at a piece of wood for being talked about like he wasn't there. Welcome to the club, buddy.

Tazuna's daughter rolled her eyes at the antics of my team and kneeled by my side, rearranging me into a more comfy position. "I don't think it was charming good-looks that made her faint, Naruto-san; she's just exaughsted. She does look rather fragile for a ninja, you know. If she weren't a Genin I'd think she had the endurance of a civilian like me."

Kakashi-sensei got a thoughtful look in his eye and Sakura jumped up. "No, that's not true!" She protested excitedly. "Kaya travelled through the mountains with her old sensei, training to protect her little sister and keep her family from going bankrupt in the midst of tragedy!" She sighed contently at the romantic flares she's tacked onto my alibi. "It must have been such a wonderful, cultured place..."

Tazuna's daughter blinked slowly at the day-dreaming girl with pink hair. "Okay..." she stood. "Well I'm going to make dinner. Let her rest for a few minutes and I'll send Inari to fetch you."

"Thank you very much," everyone chorused as she nodded and left the room.

* * *

I woke up again with my head under a table. People were chatting and I could see their criss-crossed legs across from where I'd apparently been dumped and shoved half-way into a seating arrangement. What did I do in a past life to get this treatment? I was older than my teammates, damn it! I don't deserve this sort of abuse! I groaned and clambered out backwards, lugging myself into a seated position.

Someone immediately yelled at me. "Kaya-Chan! You're awake! Stop passing out when I talk because I'm handsome!"

I scowled and shoved his face away from me, blinking disorientedly. I was at a dinner table, and everyone was eating. Who the _hell_ shoved me under there?

"Who the _hell_ shoved me under there?" I muttered agitatedly.

"Kaya, that's no way to speak in company." Kakashi-sensei tittered at me from across the table. I made a face. "And that was Sasuke. Well, he just sort of dropped you, actually. Naruto tripped over your head and you skidded backwards."

I gasped, indignant tears filling my eyes. "Naruto! Again?"

"Ah, I'm sorry, Kaya-Chan!" he cried. "I was really hungry and Sasuke was about to call the seat next to you so I had to hurry and Tazuna's daughter made _ramen_ and-"

"You're cute. I forgive you." I snuggled his arm, suddenly in a much better mood. I wasn't unconscious anymore!

I took this time to fully check out my surroundings. It looked like we were in the same house, just a different room. Smelly Tazuna and his daughter, whose name escapes me, were on the far right, blinking at me oddly and Sasuke was across and to the left, Sakura staring at him dreamily from his side. I saw why he'd want to sit by me. Poor kid was practically being eye-raped. And then there was Kakashi-sensei, who eye-crinkled mischievously at me from across the table. Not a good sign.

Oh, and the scowling devil child to my left with a stupid hat on. But he's not important.

Apparently deciding that my awakening didn't really matter, everyone resumed their big bad conversation o' doom about something I wasn't listening to. Looking back on it, I probably should have been listening considering my lack of information and the fact that I'd recently pledged my full attention to this mission, but I was SO hungry.

"Hatake-san, you said earlier something about that man hired by Gato being alive, still." Tazuna's daughter said, sipping her tea. "How long do you think you'll have until he's recovered? I don't want you running around like a madman in your injured condition."

"I think we have some time. Enough for us to get in a little bit of training, at least."

Naruto's face lit up and he leaned toward Sensei. "Just you watch, Kakashi-sensei! I'll be better then everyone and we'll beat that Zabuza guy with no problem! Things are gunna' get better now, believe it!"

"I don't believe it, and nothing's gunna' be good!"

I looked cautiously around the table. From what I could tell, Naruto had claimed all the ramen in the world, the vegetables were questionable because they were the same color as his jumpsuit, and everything else had a sour smell to it that made me think of pickles. Not that there's anything wrong with that - I just don't think _everything_on a dinner table should smell like pickles. I was just about to give in to the pickle-ness, but then I saw it. A pale hand was slowly, almost possessively creeping its way towards the glorious bowl of grilled chicken. My eyes narrowed and I pinched Naruto on the neck, using the distraction of him screeching to quickly reach over the table and swat the offending limb back.

Sasuke, with his stupid perfect face, looked up from across the table and glowered at me. I glared back. His dark eyes hardened in clear warning and he went to reach for it again, and I very deliberately slapped his hand.

"Cut it out," he snapped. Of course there was no way that he was getting it, so what followed was an intense battle of minds as I combated Sasuke for dibs on the grandest article of food I'd seen in weeks. Eventually when my eyes were tired of not blinking and his hand was starting to swell, he made a lunge for it and I quickly formed the ultimate finger defense by locking them together and aiming to bash his arm out of the way. Unfortunately Sasuke wasn't stupid like me (apparently) and that hand was only a diversion for his other hand to come around from my blind-side and scoop the chicken away forever.

I cursed under my breath as he smirked and proceeded to eat each piece with exaggerated slowness. What a cruel, evil boy!

"Inari, that was very rude!" Tazuna's daughter admonished. "These ninja helped your grandfather and brought him here safely!"

Tazuna grinned and patted the boy's head. "Its okay, It's okay, I'm rude to them too."

Naruto and Sakura gasped indignantly. It occurred to me that maybe I should try and catch up on what we were talking about. And then, like a beacon of light at the farthest end of the table was a bowl of rice. My divine salvation. The most beautiful thing I had ever seen. It was perfect in every way, in all of its pure, unadulterated by pickles glory and I wanted to marry it and have its' children. I looked around at each person at the table cautiously. If only I could get my hands on it...

Inari turned to his mom with a frown. "Mom, don't you see? These people are no help. Gato and his men will come back and find them and nothing can stop him!"

Naruto leapt out of his seat. "What did you say, brat?"

Maybe I could ask Naruto to ask Tazuna's Daughter to ask Smelly Tazuna to pass the rice to me? No, he'd probably get his... smelly-ness all over it. I could sneak out of my chair all covertly and ninja my way between them. But surely they'd see me coming and try to keep it away! Wait, that's not realistic at all, I'm sure someone would pass it to me if I asked...

"You know what a super ninja is? Well that's me, only a lot better! I'm gunna' be Hokage!" Naruto brandished his fist. "This Gato or Blato or whatever he's called is no match for a hero like me!"

"There's no such thing as a hero..." Inari muttered to himself darkly. "None of you should even be here-"

Alright, Kaya; just do it! Do it for your stomach-!

"Can someone pass the rice?"

"You're all going to die!"

...

...

"Wow. Awkward."

Inari stood abruptly from the table. "You're not a ninja, you're a joke! You fail at life!" Well alright, he didn't say that last part, but he might as well have. "I hate you!" And then the little devil dashed up the stairs and disappeared around a corner.

I sipped my tea calmly. "Well that hat makes him look like a poof, so there."

Sakura frowned. "Kaya!"

Tazuna's daughter stood and called after him, but the slam of a door upstairs was her only reply. A heavy, stupid silence filled the room as she sighed and began to clean up his uneaten food. Sakura was looking from person to person uncertainly and Sasuke was directing a furrowed brow in the direction the kid had disappeared. Kakashi-sensei had a blank question on his forehead and Tazuna looked downright miserable.

Then, of course, Naruto asked the question.

"What the heck was that all about?"

The gloom emanating from Tazuna and his daughter increased tenfold and I felt a swell of dread. If I was reading the energy correctly, this is just about the point in a TV show when -

"It... It was such a short time ago..."

Good God. A dramatic flashback. Because God knows that I've had enough of those to last me for the next few weeks, I immediately knew what had to be done. I had to run for it.

I ducked under the table and 'discreetly' army-crawled my way towards freedom. Everyone stopped talking and I had gotten close, but Tazuna's hairy leg was in the way so I jump-rolled to avoid it but my back hit the underside of the table and all the dishes clanked obnoxiously. By now I knew that the chances of me getting away were slimming down by the millisecond, so as my last and final attempt at escaping the dreaded sequence I threw myself dramatically out from Kakashi-sensei's side. Unfortunately my plot didn't extend farther than that, so having cleared the coffee table I was now left in the open with a mouth full of un-sandpapered wood.

Ah, sprawled out face-down across the open floor. Exactly how I planned.

"Uh. Anyway..." Tazuna's daughter continued. "You see, it all started a few years ago when a man came into our lives... Inari used to be bullied as a young boy and... well..."

"AGGHH! That little-! I'll teach him who's the joke!" Naruto shot out from his seat and charged toward the stairs.

"Wait, Naruto! You need to know why Inari-!" Tazuna trailed off as the blonde disappeared behind the corner. "Why Inari is the way he is..."

* * *

Naruto charged up the narrow staircase with clenched fists, his bare feet slapping the cold wood with angry determination.

"Who's that brat think he is?" he grumbled as he stomped an inch away from a very frightened and very confused ant. Naruto huffed. "I'm gunna' put him in his place right now!"

He turned the corner in an angry sumo-wrestler pose and was about to smash open the door that he assumed belonged to Inari because it was the only one they showed in the camera when he was stopped by a funny sound. Curious, Naruto leaned forward to peak through a crack in the door, only to find the little boy crouched pathetically on a windowsill looking out to sea, clutching something to his small chest and sobbing his little heart out. Naruto blinked.

"He's... crying?"

"What a little wimp. Let's push him."

The blonde whipped around. "Kaya! Don't say that, he looks really sad."

I huffed and put my hands on my hips. "I thought you said we were going to kick his ass, not watch him angst over his stupid little girl problems or whatever. It's a decoy, man!"

"D-Daddy," came a broken sob. We paused in our thoughts and both looked back at the boy. "No, daddy... no..."

I felt an arbitrary swell of sadness in my throat and looked away and Naruto dropped his head, closing the door. We glanced at each other for a moment, neither knowing quite what those words meant to the other, then treaded back down the hall in silence, not speaking again until Sensei asked Naruto for some water and told me to help clean up the table.

* * *

But it was for nothing because then this happened:

"Kaya, go make Inari feel better."

"..._What_?"

Kakashi-sensei tapped his chopsticks on my nose. Because handicapped people get food even after dinner. "You and Naruto didn't stay behind for the flashback, so this is your punishment. Think of it as a solo-mission. Go."

"But- you- why not get Sakura to do it?"

"She already tried. He's up there all alone, crying in his room... it's your moral obligation as a caring young woman to ail him of his emotional instability."

"If Sakura couldn't do it what makes you think I, of all people, could?"

"I'm your Sensei. I don't need a reason. Go. Now."

I groaned and dragged my feet back up the stairs to knock on the kid's door. I'd had a moment of indecision earlier - so what? Didn't mean I wanted to go be all gushy with the squirt. There was no reply and I turned the knob, just quietly enough to hear stupid sloppy sobs being sniffled in.

"Uh... hey kid."

"Go away!"

"_You _go away. Anyway, what's wrong with you?"

"Nothing! I hate you!"

I scoffed. "Well that's fine, but you don't have to be such a girl about it. Seriously, suck it up."

He cried harder. Oops.

My eyes softened hopelessly and I sighed. "Uh, I mean, its okay." I patted him on the back awkwardly. He felt hot to the touch, like all little kids do with their crazy high metabolisms. Must have been getting a little sick. My shoulders drooped and I sat down next to him. "You want to like... talk about it or something? I'm not great at advice but I can listen and..." Gasp. "Is that a sailboat in a bottle?"

He lifted his head and sniffled. "...Yeah."

"My Grandpa used to make those!" I practically squealed in my seat as I made to gingerly pick it up. "He was an assistant to a guy who built a whole shop full of these when he was a kid. Know how their made?"

He sat up a little straighter and shook his head. I turned the bottle a little to give him a better look.

"See, the wood that makes the sails is really lightweight and flexible, and the secret is that the ship's hull is small enough to fit through the bottle's neck. The masts and sail supports - those right there - are collapsible and can be pulled into position using controlling threads. Once you get the whole ship in there all you have to do is unfold it - like origami!" I beamed at him excitedly.

He looked at me. "You're weird."

I could have sworn one of those Japanese rocks that's always falling out of the sky struck me in the head, but I ignored it and stood instead. "Yeah, well you're pretty weird too, kiddo." I passed the bottle back to him and he rubbed it with his thumb subconsciously. "Maybe you should go downstairs and talk to your mom, she's worried about you."

He nodded a little and then I left, because any more time in that room and I might have actually sort have liked that kid.

* * *

"Alright," Kakashi-sensei announced cheerfully, shifting a little on his crutches. "Training starts now."

I looked around and squinted up at the surprisingly large, green trees with my nose scrunched. It looked almost exactly like the forest in Konoha, only darker, gloomier, and with every breath I felt like I was inhaling water. My eye twitched as I remembered my home in Florida. I was destined to live my life in humidity. Maybe I should have been born a mermaid.

...Ha.

Naruto jumped up and down to my right and shouted to himself like a crazy person. "Right! Let's do this and beat that freak with the sword!"

"That freak with the twelve pack and a sword the size of a small bear." I shivered and crossed my arms. "I kind of agree with Sakura. Will this really help?"

"It will if you don't suck, Kaya." Sensei eye-crinkled merrily and held up a finger. "First we will begin with a review of chakra, the ninja's basic source of power. Understanding chakra is essential."

"We know that." Sasuke deadpanned from his emo-corner next to Naruto. The blonde nodded.

"Yeah, yeah that's right! We already know all about catrah!"

"Chakra."

"Yeah!"

"Sakura?"

"Alright, _Naruto_. I'll explain it simply so that even _you_ can understand."

And then I sat down on the floor and threw rocks at Sasuke's shoes while Sakura used several random scrolls and lots of moving pictures to tell Naruto what was going on in his life. Naruto 'ooh'ed and 'ahh'ed and Sasuke scowled down at me while inconspicuously trying to dance out of my line of attack. My goal was to hit the mole. The mole was winning.

A couple of minutes went by and I noticed how big Sakura's forehead was and Naruto was kicked in the head for asking Sakura why all her scrolls were titled 'Lessons from the beautiful young kunoichi'. Finally Naruto seemed to get it and Kakashi-sensei complimented Sakura and she gloated and I got bored with Sasuke's feet because they were turning red so I stood up and stretched. I almost felt bad for that boy. If I were him I would have killed me by now.

Suddenly Naruto didn't get it anymore and Sensei explained some more, but I didn't really listen until his voice turned aggravated.

"Even if you produce a lot of chakra, unless you can balance and control it, it's all worthless," His single eye zeroed in on Naruto. "Your jutsus won't work at all, or it'll just be a joke." He looked at me. "You waste so much energy that way. Then you're out of chakra and you can't fight at all. You're just a target."

I shrank away from Sensei's piercing gaze and looked away, ashamed at myself for the umpteenth time this month. It hurt, but I knew he was right. I was useless unless I learned how to control my energy properly. The memory of the pain in my legs from yesterday hit me like a brick. If I didn't do this right, it would cost me my health.

Naruto scratched his head sheepishly. "Uh... so how do we fix that? Hahaha-"

"Train so hard that controlling your chakra becomes second nature. To achieve this goal you must be ready to put your life on the line."

"...Ha."

Everyone was silent for an intense moment - Sasuke the picture of determined, Sakura swallowing slightly, Naruto a little blue and my trying to refrain from fainting again.

Sakura shifted. "What... do we have to do?"

Kakashi-sensei looked at all of us intensely, then closed his eye and chuckled. Then the chuckle grew into a chortle and then into a giggle and then into full maniacal laughter. And all of a sudden the laughter stopped and he popped up another finger.

"Climb a tree."

"_Climb a tree?_" we all hissed in unison. He nodded.

"Yup. But there's just one rule. No hands."

Sasuke raised an eyebrow and Sakura frowned. "What? You're kidding."

"Am I?"

"Yes."

"Let's see."

Then he shifted his hands out from under his crutches and formed a hand-seal that made the grass around his feet ripple. I watched with rapt disbelief as he continued to limp lamely towards a tree... and then _up_ the tree. Like a whole new form of Jesus magic.

"I... want to do that." I said to Naruto. Instead of answering me like a human, his hands flew up and smacked me in the nose.

"Holy cow, he's walking straight up! And he's only using his feet!"

"Yeah, and he's not using his hands, either!" I kicked him in the small of his back with as much force as I could muster. "Stop stating the obvious, I feel like I'm losing my mind."

"Focus your chakra towards the soles of your feet." Sensei called down to us. I straightened as my orange companion cried a little. "Use it to connect to the tree. This is one way to apply the power of chakra. It mixes the physical and spiritual energy and directs it to the most difficult place to focus chakra to. If you can master this, you can master any jutsu." He coughed a little. "In theory."

"Wait, so you just want us to like..." I sized up the closest tree to me uncertainly. "Run at them?"

"Yes." He limped onto a branch so that he was completely upside-down and freed a hand to swing some kunai towards the grass at our feet. I jumped a little and stared. "Use these to mark your places. Now, uh," he made a vague dismissive gesture with his hand. "Go."

"Yeah, I'm gunna' do this with no problem! Piece of cake!" Naruto bent down and tugged the kunai out of the dirt, brandishing it at Sensei hotly. "Remember what you said Sensei? I'm the one who's grown the most!"

"You're also the one that talks the most. Now get focused and do it."

Naruto pouted and Sakura sniggered. I scratched my head and muttered to myself, "When did he say that?"

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Sasuke walking towards a farther part of the clearing and I tilted my head. "Hey Sasuke, are your feet okay? sorry I threw rocks at you. You have very manly toes."

He kept walking. "You're annoying."

"Jeez, what does _he_have to be angsting about?" I picked up the last kunai left and stretched, twisting my torso a couple of times and touching my toes. I shrugged my shoulders and closed my eyes, willing my feet to start tingling and silently trying to think what any of those stretches had to do with this. A couple of seconds went by and nothing happened, so I reopened my eyes and walked up to a stupid tree for inspiration. I stared at it and it stared at me and I realized that trees don't have eyes and I was staring at a giant beetle. As I'm sure you've realized by now I have a considerable bias towards ants, so I screamed and threw my shoe at it. The shoe missed and bounced off, dislodging a piece of bark that flew in my eye and then the shoe kicked me in the head.

Meanwhile, as I groaned in agony, some more seagulls cawed somewhere and Kakashi-sensei looked at the four of us blankly. Sakura, Naruto and Sasuke were all standing properly with closed eyes and the hand-seal to focus their chakra, and Kaya was screeching about evil non-ants. He could tell with his Sharingan, however that the only one of them who was really actually succeeding in focusing any chakra at all was Sakura, and Naruto, who had just barely gotten a mess of it to pool in his legs, was already charging at a tree with a war cry. He accomplished exactly two steps before he fell on his head. Sasuke, who might have had some more success, saw that Naruto was already starting and lost his concentration. He got a more impressive ten steps, but in his competitiveness forced too much chakra at the tree and the bark collapsed under his feet, forcing him to grunt loudly and flip down. The dark haired boy stared angrily at the hole in the tree with an expression that clearly read '_this is harder than it thought.'_

Kakashi sighed. They were starting to glean the jist of what was supposed to be happening, at least. Well... he looked back at the two smaller members of his team. Almost.

"Hey, this is fun!"

Everyone looked around and, high up at a ridiculous distance was Sakura, swinging her legs and giggling with a blush on her face.

"Sakura!" Naruto shouted.

"Well, looks like the female member of this team is the one with the most advanced chakra control. Well done, Sakura."

She stuck her tongue out and I spluttered at Sensei - who was still upside-down, by the way - unattractively. What did he mean _the _female member?

"Yeah, way to go Sakura-chan, I always knew you were awesome! Believe it!" Naruto cheered weakly. It was clear he was more ticked off than happy, though.

"Whatever," Sasuke ground out.

"Good job, Sakura! You're the best!" I yelled at her enthusiastically. She looked at me weird and I winked because even from way up there it was clear that Sasuke's dismissal had put her off. I don't think she saw it though because then a raccoon jumped in her hair.

Kakashi-sensei eye-crinkled evilly. "It seems to me that Sakura-chan has the best chance out of all of you of becoming Hokage and avenging the Uchiha clan, wouldn't you say?"

"Shut up Sensei, you talk too much!" Sakura shouted as she threw the raccoon into the bushes. I mean, I knew she was violent but the longer I knew her the more it was starting to show through. And I thought _I _was the bipolar one.

Then I frowned because my goals as a ninja weren't important enough to be included in Kakashi-sensei's 'motivational' speech. And why did Sasuke need to avenge his clan?

"Kaya!" I looked up at Sensei. "You haven't even started yet. You're already falling behind."

I grimaced at him and clicked my tongue as I went back to what I was trying to do in the first place. I closed my eyes and made that hand-seal that seemed to help so much, using my irritation to focus entirely on what I needed to do. Somewhere outside my head Sasuke and Naruto were glaring at each other and getting ready to compete to the death, but I ignored them. For lack of a better cathartic way to vent my feelings, I inwardly barked at my chakra, '_Feet!'_.

And then it felt like all the blood from my hips down dropped at once and condensed in the soles of my feet. Instead of making the grass ripple though, it pressed the blades flat to the ground in a crop circle around each of my sandals. I frowned and closed my eyes again, ignoring the intense tickling in my toes. '_Control..._'

In my head I tried to picture what Kakashi-sensei had told me about my chakra - tendrils of uncontrolled energy just flailing about with no rhyme or reason. Then I used all of my mind power to try and bring those tendrils in, pulling them into some sort of recognizable - and more importantly usable- I tried to push it back in though, my ankles started to ache and it felt like my feet were about to blow up. Throwing out that method, I then tried flattening the chakra out, like floating discs beneath my sandals. It seemed like that worked, because not a moment sooner did I feel a noticeable pull from my entire body directly downward toward my shoes.

"Excellent," I congradulated myself.

Not far off, Naruto had gotten far better and was quickly getting more steps in, but his chakra flow was still weak and it wasn't very high up that he fell and an unhealthy looking bump was sprouting from his skull. Sasuke, it seemed, was having the opposite problem as his control was steadily getting better, but he wasn't making it up the tree any higher than he had been on his first try. Periodically they would stare at the tree with an intense look, realize they had both stopped running, glare at each other, and then start going at it again. Sakura had long since jumped back down from her perch and was getting ready to climb a different tree. Kakashi-sensei was making his way down from his own, but was having trouble because his crutches kept tangling in the vines.

With care, as not to ruin my concentration, I lifted one foot as steadily as I could and went to place it on the tree. Like a giant magnet, the shoe practically pulled itself into place and when I tried to take it off it wouldn't budge. Perfect! I closed my eyes, prayed for luck, and then used that foot to anchor me while I swiftly propelled the other up into the air and in front of it. When I didn't fall and break my head, I opened my eyes and Viola! Standing sideways on a tree! It made me a little dizzy at first because I was standing straight but looking at the sky, but once I got used to the feeling I did a little victory-jig. The ground was only a foot or two under my head if I fell anyway, so there was nothing to worry about yet. As I made to start walking however, I realized something strange...

Kakashi-sensei was reluctantly impressed. He'd told his students that it would be easier to get the hang of the exercise if they ran at the trees, but Kaya either hadn't been listening or thought he was lying. For whatever reason, she had decided to use her own way of learning and seemingly just did a bunch of stuff with her chakra until she found something that worked. It was both a good method, and a terrible one. However, when she took that first step and tested it carefully with her weight, he had to admit that the girl did have the makings for a good ninja - something he'd been doubting ever since Tazuna's daughter had mentioned her unusual fragility.

The one-eyed man looked across at his determined team with a new insight. It wasn't that hard to believe that these kids were the future of his village anymore. They all certainly had more potential than he had originally gave them credit for - even Naruto and Sasuke, with their backgrounds...

"Sensei?"

He sat on a rock dully and glanced back over at me. "Kaya?"

"I'm - um - I'm stuck." I wriggled my legs from my sideways position on the base of the tree. Kakashi gave me a blank look. "I mean, my feet won't move!"

Naruto, who had just fallen for the fifteenth time, caught sight of this and laughed hysterically. "Woah, Kaya! What the heck did you do?"

"It's not funny!" I wriggled again and looked up at Sensei. "What did I do wrong? I got up but the pull is too strong - or something-"

"You- you look-" Naruto choked himself laughing. Sakura - who had 'climbed' to the top of another tree by now, looked down and giggled at my expense. Sasuke used the distraction to charge his mutilated tree a few more times.

Kakashi-sensei shook his head. Nope - it was still pretty hard to believe.

* * *

After a long time of Naruto and Sasuke getting no where and Sakura kicking ass and taking names, Kakashi-sensei decided that the pink one didn't really need any more practice in this lesson and sent her off to guard Smelly Tazuna at his stupid bridge. After it became clear that I couldn't get myself off the tree, Sensei limped over to me and did some sort of jutsu that made me fall on my ass. After that he made it my special goal to lessen the intensity of my chakra-magnet-thingy because it was obviously not working the way it should have been. Or something like that, I wasn't listening that well.

In the end my exercise became similar to the boys in that I had to trudge up the tree as far as I could before the magnet got too strong and I couldn't get up any farther. Then I had to put my hands together and shout 'Kai' and the magnet would drop and I had to plummet back towards the Earth. Every time Sasuke fell he did a cool flippy-flippy thing that I tried to immitate, but I kept smacking my head on branches so I settled for tuck-duck-and-rolling to break the fall. After four hours of this I was scratched, bruised and my tummy-bandages were coming off and the soreness in my muscles became a perpetual constant. Sasuke and Naruto, who never seemed to tire, completely faded out of existence and it was just me and the tree.

Night fell and the boys' pants became too hard to ignore and I figured the only reason I wasn't as worn as they were was because running wasn't my issue. My legs, however, were screaming at me and I was getting bitten by all sorts of crazy incredible-hulk bugs. It got to the point that every time Naruto fell he would get so frustrated that he would literally growl out loud, and Sasuke was near yelling. Imagine the uncharacteristic-ness of it all. Both of their marks were higher than mine, though, and I could feel their boyish anger rubbing off on me. Every step was harder than the last and every mark I made was too low. My 'pissed-of o' meter' was getting a serious work out by the time Sasuke's deep voice broke the tension.

"Naruto."

Somewhere below me Naruto tripped and fell on his face. He looked like he was pretty close to a revelation, too. Poor kid. "AH! Sasuke, what the heck? I was just about to focus my chakra!"

"Well..." he coughed. Try to picture this. Sasuke. Awkward cough. "The thing is..."

Naruto squinted with a real scowl on his face and crossed his arms. "The thing is _what_? You never talk to me, what do you want?"

I paused in what I was doing to look down at the two over my shoulder. Ooh, boy drama! Maybe I should go down there and join the conversation. Wow... that's really far down...

Sasuke's eyebrow twitched. "Well, you know - you asked Sakura for advice when she was here..." He did? When? "So what did she tell you?"

Oh, I get it now. It's an ego thing.

Naruto looked surprised for a minute, then mischievous, then sassy. "Ha. I'm not telling _you_."

Sasuke growled at him and they glared at each other. Just then my shoulders drooped a little and I realized how tense I had been this whole time. Maybe if I just relaxed a little...

I closed my eyes and let myself calm down. Naruto and Sasuke were getting me all worked up. I forgot completely that the most important aspect of doing anything is keeping a straight mind - something I have the most trouble with. I wonder where Sakura and Kakashi-sensei went. I hope that devil's child has lightened up a little. And I am _so_ calling dibs on the chicken when we get back...

Suddenly, for just a split second, my feet were free. My eyes flew open and before I could think of anything, I just ran. I ran all the way from the spot I was in to the top of my tree, and then when I got to the last branch there I ran back down. Out of no where it was so easy - like riding a bike. Once you learn how to do it for the first time something sort of clicks, and then you know it forever. I know this, because after I finished that tree I ran straight for another and did the same thing. Then when I got down from that one I stood quite still in the center of the clearing, and collapsed.

Naruto and Sasuke, who had stopped their glaring contest to watch me do that in a span of five minutes, were both very confused and very pissed.

Suck it, Mufasa.

* * *

Tazuna's house is _huge_, I realized. It's like a giant barn-ballet-studio thing, just separated into spacious rooms with little furniture and slanted ceilings. When we got back there after our intense training session Sakura told us all about how Tazuna's workers were dropping like flies and how everyone in the main city was poor and how we had to save them all. It was a little weird, having the ability to change something like that in the palm of your hand, but I knew it probably wasn't something I should think about too much until I was in the relative seclusion of my own home. I successfully grabbed the grilled chicken at dinner, but all else was lost as Naruto and Sasuke took their rivalry to the freaking MAX and ate everything in the world. Then they puked it and ate it again. It was totally gross. I mean, I'd thought Sasuke might have some more grace than that, but no. He was puking all over the floor right along with Orange. Stupid boys.

Everyone in this village wore a rope around their foreheads. I don't know if that's important or anything but... weird.

The rest of the night was relatively quiet. Sakura told me and Naruto over whispered conversation about Inari's step-dad and how he was executed by Gato after becoming a sort of hero to the village. Naruto, being Naruto, swore that he would prove to Inari that there was such thing as a hero in a very tear-inducing declaration. I fell asleep in my tea, though so I only heard half of it. Kakashi-sensei threw his little book at me to wake me up and sent everyone off to bed. I didn't tell him that I completed the lesson, but I think maybe Naruto did while I was sleeping because after I cleaned up my plate I got a warm pat on the shoulder - when I turned around, of course, he was limping in another direction, but it was heart-warming nonetheless.

Because I was sharing a room with Sakura, I figured that I could just tumble onto my futon and pass out without any disturbances. But then, just as I came back from the bathroom, (brushing my teeth with vigor because my breath doesn't smell) this happened:

"Hey Kaya?"

"Yeah?"

"Who's Neji?"

...

So in order to dodge scary telepathic girls with pink hair, I made a run for it and creeped around the house for a little while, no longer that sleepy. All the lights were off and I could hear the ocean outside. I thought about crashing the boy's room because I could, but that would be weird and I don't think we'd have a lot to talk about.

I saw a window and spontaneously decided I wanted to sneak out and stare at the moon like a soap-opera character. It was all going well until some random screen door that I swear was disguised as a wall swung open and Tazuna stepped out with shaving cream all over the lower half of his face. Moonlight shone through the window and I gasped.

"Holy shit, It's father time!"

He pelted me with a towel and told me in smelly-face language to stop being such a creeper, so I pouted and guessed my way back to my shared room. Thankfully Sakura was already asleep, and as tired as I was, for some reason rest evaded me. That night I dreamt of giant swords and crying children and trees that were just a little too tall.

* * *

**AN:** Next time: The battle on the bridge!


End file.
